OT: Bertie Aherne in love triangle with salami

[Agnetha]

and cockle

[Joey]

Bertie Aherne takes said food along with red onion, wild mushrooms and yam on to Ready Steady Cook.

[Donna Winter]

Salami reported to now be shacked up with Dale Winton and Dean Sullivan

[funky]

NAR: Dame Edna in secret love tryst with caesar salad

(shaved parmesan not included)

[wendy the goat]

Barry Scott arrested for frottaging a bottle of Cif

[Eileen]

OT: Jonfessions enters VoR into prize marrow contest and wins.

17 injured.