Lloyd Webber defects to ITV for Jesus Search

[Jonfessions]

I'm not very impressed with the Jesuses. I'd goive oral to 6 of them but for anal I'd have to draw the line at 3.

[Sharla]

If Graham Norton was there, the irony of turning the Peggy Ollerenshaw concentration camp survivor into a Terri McIntyre lookalike would not be lost. Amanda Holden is only interested in working out who the straight ones are so she can harvest their seed.

I've narrowed them down so far to the following basic descriptions.

Black Jesus
Asian Jesus ~
Fat Jesus
Baywatch Jesus *~
Billy Elliot Jesus *~
Joss Stone Jesus
Camp Jesus
Balding Jesus ~
Baby Jesus
Boyband Jesus *~
Scottish Jesus ~

Sadly there isn't an unashamedly ginger one.

~ = oral
* = anal

[FetchFugly]

I thought this was seriously lacking in fun compared to the BBC shows. Donovan and Holden (obviously) were especially rubbish and I don't get how this kind of singing show is going to work over consecutive nights without becoming too much of a chore for most of the audience.

[lolly]

Viewing figures dipped only slightly to 3.08m last night. But that's only very slightly more than HALF what Countryfile got on BBC1 at the same time

[Jonfessions]

I blame Holden. Nobody likes her.

[Sharla]

I literally just did a google search on "Amanda Holden is a cunt" and the third link was for Moopy. The fourth was for Mumsnet, so I might sign up for that next.

[lolly]

Sometimes I'm so proud of our little community

[Agnetha]

Cunts Corner isn't exactly everything it's name promised to be.

[Agnetha]

Sometimes I'm so proud of our little community

Least not forget the damage we probably did to TDHHGQOL.

[Sharla]

I'm watching Jesus Christ with the sound off and this as the audio.



I reckon the Asian'll go.

[straightorbroken]

I'm only on last night's episode so can't read anything, but Jon looks like a cross between Mark Owen and Jodie Foster (but less masculine obviously).

[TurnerPrize]

Watching now on the ol' plus one and THIS SHOW IS SHITE. The young hirsute one has just shat out the worst rendition of Mr Brightside i have EVER HEARD and been praised for it.

And also, all the brilliant loin-cloth-and-crucifix-heavy exit ideas at their disposal and they've opted to have the eliminated Jesus 'walk into the light', which is just going through a sliding door towards a large bulb RUBBISH.

I'm disappointed by the state of the Jesuses as well, especially considering that Jesusy men (with shorter hair) make up about 70% of anyone i've ever fancied. None of this lot do it for me particularly, looks or talent wise (except for maybe departed Asian Jesus and the fitter Daniel Boysey one). I also find it a LITTLE BIT OFF how they let the Billy Elliot one allude to his gayness by saying how much he loves Mel C and how he never fitted in with the northern men's men because he just wanted to dance, AND by having a major case of gayface, but have given him two really explicitly heterosexual songs to do. I suppose it's ACTING PREP, but it does stand out as a bit odd when none of the others have been made to roll about on the floor with girls and the like. AND - the fat one who had panic attacks about wearing a loincloth when he did an amateur production of it and started CRYING just talking about it - why is he there?! There will be a lot more people in the O2 (at least in theory) and he did seem to have quite deepset body issues. I kind of hope he wins to see how it pans out.

I'm not too surprised it's bombing, everything that made the four BBC series interesting/slightly more unique seems to have been given the chop. I'm quite liking the judges though (Menly especially). AND how they tried to justify Dawn French being there by saying she 'used to play a Vicar' (!).

[TurnerPrize]

Gosh that's long. I don't even intend to watch again before the final.

[Sharla]

I'm watching it on mute with subtitles. When Amanda Holden said to the fat one "you choked me up backstage" I hope she was referring to his performance and not rough anal. He does have a wife after all.

[Sid.W.]

Amanda was AWFUL at revealing who was in the bottom 2! Why did she feel the need to differentiate each one? "The public believe that you still deserve the opportunity to be Jesus. "

Also, this format in general is BIZARRE! I don't like how it's now backward and they're all suddenly really happy like nothing's just happened. The Jesus exit is such a LET DOWN, ALW must be ashamed at what ITV has done to his baby.

[Sharla]

The Coq Au Vin woman in the Littlewoods indents is as appalling as the show itself.

And as bad as it is, at least Charlotte Church isn't on the panel, threatening to sing.

[monsta]

I cannot believe how bad this show is. Amanda Holden cannot even READ - probably because of married men's semen in her eyes. She's definitely my most hated person on television (even more than the Philidelphia macaroni mother). Her children tried to ABORT themselves rather than have that callous mare as a mother and she almost DIED in childbirth yet the nation STILL detests her.

The nice Daniel Boys one is lovely though.

[Halli]

I love how 'The Lord' just changes the rules as he sees fit. At least he is obvious about it

[lolly]

I'm watching for the very first time now and I'm not QUITE sure what's going on.

Is the Daniel Boys one the one who just performed as one of (I think) the bottom two?

[Halli]

Her children tried to ABORT themselves rather than have that callous mare as a mother and she almost DIED in childbirth yet the nation STILL detests her.

Oh My

[straightorbroken]

Dawn French was fabulous earlier this evening.

[lolly]

Oh, and it is QUITE AMUSING how all the costumes seem designed to show each contestant's chest hair.

[Halli]

Has Dawn flirted with the black jesus yet? I bet she has

[straightorbroken]

If Amanda's face shined any brighter she'd be a lightbulb. I do love her hands being all over the contestants when they get feedback. Give her a few more gins and she'll be spanking them as they leave the stage.

[straightorbroken]

Has Dawn flirted with the black jesus yet? I bet she has

She's not told anyone they're like a young Lenny, but she said something about wanting a mouthful of that Lion King guy's honey or something.

[RobotBoy]

In a country that generally HATES WOMEN, how does AMANDA HOLDEN, of all women, get work on the telly?

[monsta]

In a country that generally HATES WOMEN, how does AMANDA HOLDEN, of all women, get work on the telly?

She has no gag reflex.

[RobotBoy]

She has no gag reflex.

And a roomy cunt.

[straightorbroken]

Rory is wank bankable I think Dawn meant to say, not just bankable.

[Agnetha]

I refuse to watch this absolute dollop of shite, but the write-ups about Amanda Holden here are UTTER GOLD.

[Iguana]

I watched Nancy and Oz religiously but I can't get on board with this one I just don't CARE. Are people really watching it every single evening?!

[monsta]

Jason's hair is a marvel to watch. He was practically BALD a year ago.

It seems to get thicker each time I see it, like he's wired up to a life-size Play Doh hairdresser kit.

[lolly]

I see Menly is the Danny O'Donoghue of the panel

[RobotBoy]

I used to love Jason so much but he was so earnest on Strictly.

I've not seen a second of this.

[COB]

Right, I've been convinced to switch this on. How many are left, and is there any danger of Menly singing tonight?

[monsta]

Right, I've been convinced to switch this on. How many are left, and is there any danger of Menly singing tonight?

She's already given one of them a ROCK tutorial

[lolly]

As much as it PAINS me to say it, Jason's hair IS well done.

[COB]

She's already given one of them a ROCK tutorial

Followed by a group perf of GOIN' DOWN, I'm sure

Am I wrong or did Amanda just FORGET TO ASK Menly for her thoughts on the one who just performed?

[straightorbroken]

After Jason spoke to Jason, Menly's WTF arms gesture when Amanda went straight to someone with a COCK, as she does, without asking her anything was amazing.

[COB]

If this one suddenly saw a SCARY GHOST he'd look quite a lot like our Eileen