LOU's TOP 25 DIVA MOMENTS of the 2000s

Discussion in 'Divas' started by Loufoque, Dec 5, 2009.

  1. Loufoque

    Loufoque CONTINENTAL QUEEN

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    AKA NOT THE LEONA LEWIS THREAD *SNAP*



    HEYA

    To celebrate the end of the decade that gave us the terms HOT MESS, ULTIMATE FIERCE and I LOVE YOU BUT I DON'T LIVE FOR YOU, I have collected 25 of the greatest moments that some of the number one females in the game have given us since Y2K

    STARRING

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    WITH SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCES BY

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    and

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  2. Halli

    Halli sippin' champagne from a paper cup

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    Where is the Whitney pic from?
     
  3. Loufoque

    Loufoque CONTINENTAL QUEEN

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    BET Awards 2008 I think
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2009
  4. TurnerPrize

    TurnerPrize time to dance

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    Amazing.

    This could be thread of the decade (no pressure).
     
  5. Halli

    Halli sippin' champagne from a paper cup

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    She looks gorgeous, a bit like Alicia Keys. I thought it would have been from a few years ago.
     
  6. Loufoque

    Loufoque CONTINENTAL QUEEN

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    25

    Celine's Green Baby Pillow

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    The 2000s have been a trying time for our girls. The memory of the waistcoat-heavy, personality-free 90s soon faded as we faced up to a decade where radical Islam and Jessie Wallace could have scored bigger pop hits than almost any of our favourite bitches.

    So in the face of declining sales, faltering vox and more personal problems than a Series 3 episode of Dawson's Creek, our ladies decided to drop the personality bomb. Some went ghetto, some got fat, others got cracked out, but one just went loveably bonkers.

    Celine finished the 90s as the decade's top dog in more ways than one. Her phenomenal record sales eclipsed Mariah, Whitney, Madonna and Janet in the last three years of the decade. But even with her new veneers and hot older boyfriend who possibly played football in college (Class of 1901), she was still always Diva High's plain French Canadian exchange student who used to hang out with the musical theatre gays and probably wore glasses with a plaster over one lens and possibly even corrective shoes. Holler if you hear me Molicious.

    Anyway, like all proto-faghags of this nature, Celine graduated into Diva College with a new sense of self-empowerment. She started saying things like "you go girl" and other things that she thought made her sound contemporary, but really just revealed that she was still learning phrases from the 1993 edition of Hot Black Girl Phrases to Know & Cherish. Soon afterwards, she got her slut on with an expensive turkey baster and gave birth to pop's first and favourite bad hair day, Little Rene Charles.

    Unlike Madonna, who soon tired of her white children (she probably found boring because they weren't on her latest album and started referring to Lourdes as an 'oldie but a goodie') and started looking for crossover success on the Rhythmic charts by adopting rent-a-kids David Banda and Mercy James, Celine found a lot of ways to reinvent her one existing white baby and keep him relevant to the braindead housewive/creepy artistic paedophile audience. Teaming up with Anne Geddes to produce what is arguably the second greatest diva album cover of the decade, Celine re-positioned herself as the mum every gay boy with a penchant for braindead ballads and or Cirque du Soleil wishes he had.

    LONG LIVE CELINE
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2009
  7. ameraal

    ameraal trash

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  8. Loufoque

    Loufoque CONTINENTAL QUEEN

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    24

    "I'm NOT CLAIMING THEM"


    http://i.STOP FUNDING HATE.co.uk/i/pix/2009/11/05/article-1225396-07184937000005DC-307_468x628.jpg http://i.STOP FUNDING HATE.co.uk/i/pix/2009/11/05/article-1225396-071868B2000005DC-162_224x515.jpg

    In which Mariah upgrades the entire English language by giving us a whole new way of making your facebook detag seem dramatic but a little less ghetto.

    Of course, Mariah has long been a fan of good art direction in photographs. Rumour has it that in the 90s she used to insist on being shot from one side only, and lest we forget her debilitating airbrush habit fully kicked in a long time ago now... some time after the end of her first marriage.

    After packing some <s>fierce</s> heat during the Mimi campaign, Mariah went for the full-on MRILF look for her next album. Her hot E=MC2 body didn't last long however, and we saw her pile on the pounds as '08 became '09 and her scales went from 08 to BROKEN.

    However, nothing could prepare us for what we saw emerge from the set of the H.A.T.E.U. video. Looking a 66 stone mess in a two piece at the beach, no one was thinking HEY SEXY when they saw these pix splashed across the Internet. Mariah, true to form, hit back with what is now one of my favourite PR releases of the year:

    Needless to say, millions of lambs the world over are now actively NOT CLAIMING pictures of themselves on a regular basis. Try it for yourself.
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2009
  9. funky

    funky INCAPABLE

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    OMG YAY

    I love that Tina picture more than life itself :D
     
  10. Halli

    Halli sippin' champagne from a paper cup

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    I love the Celine write up Lou

    What the hell was that baby album all about? I remember being baffled at the time :D
     
  11. POP!

    POP! Across that county line

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    I'm not one to apply diva-isms into my everyday conversations but "I'M NOT CLAIMING IT" has been my way of life ever since that quote was published.

    Crossing my fingers for a prime spot for the WENDY/WHITNEY showdown.
     
  12. VoR

    VoR Forever in our hearts #Justice4Barb

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    This is possibly the greatest paragraph of 2009. Well done Lou.
     
  13. Diddy

    Diddy Rice Queen

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    This is amazing :D that first POST had me in stitches, let alone the rest. And I'm with VoR on the paragraph of OH NINE.
     
  14. Johnkm

    Johnkm Valar Morghulis

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    :D
     
  15. Jonfessions

    Jonfessions R U 4 REAL?

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    YAY FOR THIS THREAD :D
     
  16. Pipo

    Pipo Gossip is the devil’s telephone, best to hang up!

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    je t'aime LOUFOQUE
     
  17. Jake

    Jake On A Mission

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    I love that Whitney pic. Just from one shot = ICON
     
  18. henZ

    henZ do you love it?

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    I LIVE for this thread
     
  19. Man in a Hamster Wheel

    Man in a Hamster Wheel Mr Blue

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    *sneaks back into the flock of the Loufoque congregation*
     
  20. Man in a Hamster Wheel

    Man in a Hamster Wheel Mr Blue

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    That Tina pic should be used as the cover of EVERY compilation of hers from now on! (and EMI seems to squeeze one out every year)
     
  21. Diddy

    Diddy Rice Queen

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    :D @ that Tina pic. I thought I'd seen it before, but I was thinking of this

    [​IMG]
     
  22. Floella

    Floella HER FUCKING HIGHNESS

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    OMG

    Can't wait for the CAME IN THE DOOR... OH! OH! OH! moment
     
  23. GraceOfGod

    GraceOfGod But For The

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    :disco:

    Looking forward to reading the rest of this thread!
     
  24. Loufoque

    Loufoque CONTINENTAL QUEEN

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    DIVAS LIVE 2000


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    OK so it didn't have the big vocal throwdown of Divas 98, or the cracked-out ferocia of Divas '99, but all things considered, Divas '00 stands as the last classic installment of my favourite ever TV series (behind California Dreams OBV). Nobody thought you could up the homosexual ante any further after Whitney and Chaka (dressed as notable African American versions of Oscar the Grounch and Morticia Addams respectively) had a live crack fit to the strains of I'm Every Woman the year before, but this somehow managed to be the gayest show yet. The cast of washed-up nobodies and middle-ranking country/R&B stars was enviable and you have to have sympathy for the poor panicky gay PA who had to put this shit together. You know your arse is getting fired when you reach the end of your Let's Talk About Love Tour rolladex and have to put the call in to RuPaul and Faith Hill. Anyway, this year's extravaganza saw Mariah Carey and a bunch of bitches fighting to keep their record deals paying tribute to the hits of Diana Ross. With all the professionalism of a big-budget Jack McFarlane production, Divas 2000 had hot mess written all over it from the get-go.

    The highlight of course being Mariah and Diana's car-crash duet. Mariah - too busy trying to get Can't Take That Away played at radio at the time - clearly hadn't bothered to learn the dance routine OR the lyrics and Ms Ross was pissed. Diana must have thought she had done some bad acid, because bitch was getting serious flashbacks to the 60s with the amount of dirty looks she was shooting at her inferior understudy. Throw in the catty intro from Diana where she suggests she do a Mariah number only to laugh it off as completely ridiculous and announce what the audience really wants to hear are some Supremes songs, and you have the recipe for one of the greatest passive-aggressive diva collabos of the decade.

    Of course the beef didn't stop there. Maybe Diana mistook Mariah's broad shoulders and whistle for those of an airport security guard, because rumour has it she lost her shit over Mariah's attempts to get her high note out for the big finale. Mariah did her best Florence Ballard impression and gave in to Ms Ross's demands (are the haters finally starting to understand the weight gain and suicide attempt?). In hindsight it might have added some excitement to the finale performance of Ain't No Mountain High Enough, which had all the professionalism of a drunken singalong at a Brian Friedman K party. Bitches were missing their cues left right and centre, Diana was screaming for them to join her on stage and poor Destiny's Child were stood there just glad not to be in the ugliest ensembles on stage for once. I lived for it.

    Of course, it wasn't all bad. It produced one of Mariah's last truly great performances in the form of the Heartbreaker/Love Hangover mash-up. So all in all a thoroughly enjoyable event, and one that would never be topped as evidenced by this year's stellar cast including everyone's favourite obstinate dyke Kelly Clarkson, the poster-child for retro-active abortion Adele and VoR's #1 personality artist in the game Jordin Sparks. I suppose it probably got shit gays a little bit wet, but for most of us boyz, 2000 is where Divas should have come to an undignified end.

    <div><object width="420" height="339"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x27mpr" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x27mpr" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="339" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x27mpr">Mariah Diana Ross Baby Love</a></b><br /><i>by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/DuckInMyAss">DuckInMyAss</a></i></div>

    <div><object width="420" height="339"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x2xad0" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x2xad0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="339" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x2xad0">Mariah Carey/Divas Live - Ain' t No Mountain High Enough</a></b><br /><i>by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/vivica_05">vivica_05</a></i></div>

    <div><object width="420" height="339"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x364dn" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x364dn" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="339" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x364dn">mariah carey Love Hangover/Heartbreaker Divas Live 2000</a></b><br /><i>by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/diablodu67">diablodu67</a></i></div>

    <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IDS_17FOpYs&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IDS_17FOpYs&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2009
  25. Lunar Foetus

    Lunar Foetus Guest

    Oh my god I love Mariah
     
  26. Christian

    Christian GOOD BYE!

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    Sensational :disco:

    And it's a treat to know Lady D is reading this thread for sure too (you just know she furiously googles herself when she's sloshed on wine - i.e., 24/7).
     
  27. VoR

    VoR Forever in our hearts #Justice4Barb

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    Divas 2000 is truly one of the defining gay televisual moments for my youth.

    Mariah/Diana is definitely the highlight, but there were actually some good performances in there too. Destinys Child were great on Upside Down and I loved Faith Hill's 'Lovechild'.
     
  28. VoR

    VoR Forever in our hearts #Justice4Barb

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  29. Halli

    Halli sippin' champagne from a paper cup

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    'Be a lamb..' :D
     
  30. Loufoque

    Loufoque CONTINENTAL QUEEN

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    Tina and Beyonce do it NICE and ROUGH


    http://img.STOP FUNDING HATE.co.uk/i/pix/2008/02_02/beyonceES_468x363.jpg

    Beyonce might have looked a bit unassuming on the stage at the Divas 2000 finale, but you know the overachieving bitch had already started thinking about how to get higher than Diana & Mariah in my end of decade divas countdown.

    Where Diana had to settle for Donna Summer and RuPaul, Beyonce pulled Cher, Tina Turner and Aretha out of the Fall Line Dereon body bag for her 2008 Grammy moment.

    Here's how you do it (funky - you can read ahead. This shit must be your STAPLE at dinner parties)

    Dig out an old mannequin from the skip outside BHS. Chuck a £2 wig on it. Do your best impression of Santa fucking a horse and call it a Cher intro. Segue into in a fawning pre-recorded monologue, all the while dressed in radioactive green pants, mainly to accentuate your vagina and to make the point that you, unlike these other bitches, haven't yet hit menopause. Make a deliberately inflammatory statement to let Aretha know you don't worship at her all-you-can-eat buffet. Take a break for five minutes while some old bitch does a couple of cock-rock tracks from the 80s, then re-emerge in a shorter ensemble to let everyone know you have hotter legs than a granny. At the climax of performance, stamp your duet partner's 69-year-old foot to fuck just to show her who's the new Ike now. SNAP.

    And that is how you do PROUD MARY :disco:

    <font face="Verdana" size="1" color="#999999"><br/><a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=33358493" style="font: Verdana">Tina Turner & Beyonce Knowles At The Grammys 2008</a><br/><object width="425px" height="360px" ><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"/><param name="wmode" value="transparent"/><param name="movie" value="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=33358493,t=1,mt=video"/><embed src="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=33358493,t=1,mt=video" width="425" height="360" allowFullScreen="true" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent"></embed></object><br/><a href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=374605212" style="font: Verdana">• Typical Male •</a> | <a href="http://vids.myspace.com " style="font: Verdana">MySpace Video</a></font>
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2009
  31. Man in a Hamster Wheel

    Man in a Hamster Wheel Mr Blue

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    I had no idea Divas was even going!
     
  32. GraceOfGod

    GraceOfGod But For The

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    Favourtie quote of today! :D
     
  33. Loufoque

    Loufoque CONTINENTAL QUEEN

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    THE FRIDAY NIGHT PROJECT FEATURING MARIAH CAREY


    http://img.STOP FUNDING HATE.co.uk/i/pix/2008/04_01/mariahLL0404_800x589.jpg

    Let's just call it as it is. The was the pinnacle of Mariah's career in the UK. She might have had #1s before, and All I Want For Christmas Is You might climb the charts every year, but all things considered, people hate the bitch. Mention her name to any generic straight arsehole (yuck) who wouldn't know a diva if she sucked him off and you'll get the same old shit: 'I can't stand the woman', 'She's shit', 'God I hate her'. No wonder this bitch can't catch a hit.

    But for one night, it was different. For one night she was charming, funny, self-depricating and down-to-earth. People liked her. It was the personality equivalent of having a one-hit wonder.

    I will be forever jealous that Whatevar and dUb got to witness this moment of transcendental ferocity in the flesh, bit I'm not a bitter person who would bring it up 18 months down the line.

    Of course it wasn't perfect. Some of the hideous lambs, with Mariah tats and hidden cameras, made me feel horrifically inadequate in my loondom, and all the best bits FOR THE FANZZZ were either cut ('What do you think about your old songs like Prisoner' to which she started firing off fabulously paranoid accusations about plants in the audience :D) or went unnoticed by the rest of the braindead public ('She's taking her clothes off on TV again'). Although to be fair, unless you are an internet gay with a penchant for reliving a diva's past glories, they probably wouldn't have been very exciting. Thank God we have each other.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2009
  34. Dark Carnival

    Dark Carnival Missss Vaaaaaanjie

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    This thread is what all my nightmares are about :gross:
     
  35. Loufoque

    Loufoque CONTINENTAL QUEEN

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    OH WELL
     
  36. Pipo

    Pipo Gossip is the devil’s telephone, best to hang up!

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    Don't worry about this thread Darkie cause pretty much like the Sugababes 1.0, this thread is OK TO LIKE :)

    Lou, I hope the moment when Trisha Yearwood was SHOCKED that Carrie Underwood won at some Country Awards Show is included but I doubt it :(
     
  37. Dark Carnival

    Dark Carnival Missss Vaaaaaanjie

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    :gross:
     
  38. Logic?

    Logic? User

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    Loved Mariah on FNP. True about the rubbish gays with tats though.

    I hope CAME IN THE DOOR. OH! OH! OH! is at least top 5.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2009
  39. Dr Lecter

    Dr Lecter HAS BEEN

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    QUITE

    Lets hope she doesnt have to take any videos back to BLOCKBUSTER and have another little mishap in the car
     
  40. Toyah

    Toyah LOON PANTS

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    It was a mishap with BENYLIN! :Oi:
     

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