There was just an announcement on the CBBC channel. Josef Ratzinger AKA POPE BENEDICT XVI is joining the broom cupboard and will be tormenting Crane with theological pronouncements. The Cardinals are already heading to Rome for this weekend's conclave to elect the next Pope. Who do you think the potential candidates are?
Andy Crane is flying over Australia as we speak. BBC now desperately searching for someone to talk down to Pope Benedict in the broom cupboard.
I hear Anders Behring Breivik is going to entering the BROOM CUPBOARD from Monday to be antagonised by Pope Benedict XVI. But WHO is going to go on trial for the NORWAY BOMBING and GUN MASSACRE?
Well that HAS to be LULU again But who is going to take over the role as BBC defence and security correspondent that she took over from CAROLINE WYATT earlier in this topic?
Keep up old man. Peter Jackson is the current defence and security correspondent. We're now stuck with Diddy's rubbish suggestion again. Who will take Lulu's place as someone dying and in a coma in the US. I HOPE IT'S SOMEONE WITH A CURRENT JOB. YOU KNOW, SOMEONE WHO WOULD NEED A REPLACEMENT. ONE THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE TIMETRAVEL OR FREAKY-FRIDAYESQUE TRANSFERS OF SOUL.
You're in LUCK, Madison The opportunity to lie dying and in a coma in the US was just too good to resist for TROLL DOG HAT HAT GIRL from X Factor's Little Mix, and she will be leaving the show tomorrow to pursue this opportunity Who will now fill this massive gap to be the lovably ludicrous 4th member of a brilliantly average girlband with outrageous fashion sense, deep image insecurities and an outrageous Essex accent? STAY TUNED KIDS
Charles-Louis de Secondat, Baron de La Brède et de Montesquieu remains tight-lipped on the hot new girlgroup vacancy, fearing that his lack of current employment will mean he misses out. John Fashanu has also slipped to 25/1 to link up with pop's hottest new Belle Amie tribute act, the former Gladiators star citing "a need to finish tiling the outside loo".
I've heard it might be GROOVIN' GRANNY KELLY LLORENNA But if she takes up this position, who will fill her VITAL ROLE as the FOGHORN at ISLE OF PORTLAND LIGHTHOUSE?
I heard JUDITH CHALMERS was interested but she didn't want to limit herself to ONE LIGHTHOUSE The offer has now been passed to JANE ASHER - we're all just waiting by the phone now... of course if she takes it there's going to be a MASSIVE SCRAMBLE to fill the gap in the British cake market, not to mention a hasty rewriting of every French & Saunders episode in HISTORY
JESY from Little Mix has stunned everyone by quitting the band and becoming the lighthouse foghorn. I wonder who the new member of Little Mix will be?
Contrary to previous reports, Jesy (previously from Little Mix) is not taking the role of lighthouse fog horn. Instead, Nina Wadia has taken the job. Eastenders producers are recasting Zainab with auditions taking place over the next 48 hours.
Bryan Kirkwood was thrilled to announce yesterday that the part of Zabnab Masood would be played by Mustafa Abdul Jalil. Of course, he'll need someone to fill in his duties as President of Libya at this turbulent time.
oh who cares about a flailing African country when there's a gap in the Eastenders cast list! That was a tragedy WAITING TO HAPPEN!
Indie has just been announced as the new President of Libya. Looks like we'll need a replacement member of the Admin team for Moopy.
So it only took a full year but DANIELLA WESTBROOK has been drafted in as a moopy admin team member. Coke dealers across London are now lining up auditions to replace her as their main source of income. Can I just say as an aside though: Indie has done a HORRIBLE job in Libya so far...
this is what happens when you don't keep up with the news So how many vacancies do we need filling now? I hear Jade Ewan isn't busy at the moment, maybe she could double up.
oh phew. That's much less to worry about. I'm going to endorse Jade on youtube, maybe it'll go viral.
There were rumours Samantha Lewthwaite was close to being offered the gig after wowing managers via Skype, but visa issues proved tricky.
That would explain why President Rouhani is returning to his Glasgow roots. He must be putting his experience of fervent nationalism and brainwashing to good use as Deputy SNP leader. I wonder who the Guardian Council will select for the next President of Iran?
Weren't the SNP sent to NORTHERN IRELAND a few years back? Who replaced them as the thinly-veiled analogs of Yes Scotland? In lighter news VoR has received the blessing of the Guardian Council to become the President of Iran (pending his conversion to Islam), though now the Guardian needs a replacement freelance Eurovision correspondent.
I just read Koko the Gorilla's article on why the UK does poorly ('Bad singer make Koko sad'). I feel really sorry for the zoologists in California. Who are they going to study now?
Cilla Black has just been spotted at Heathrow boarding an LA bound flight. Looks like she has got the nod, as many have been predicting. No news on who we can expect to prop up the Shadow Lounge bar yet.
Laura Linney's the name ALL OVER Twitter at the moment, although I don't know whether the fine residents of Wokingham could put up with ANOTHER by-election in this parliament...
Laura Linney confirmed to be Cilla's replacement in the Shadow Lounge, meaning we've got another by-election in Wokingham. Word is Douglas Carswell's going to move the writ so it's the same day as Rochester and Strood, Ukip certainly aren't going to want to take their chances with the Beard Party after Suomi's victory in the European elections earlier this year...
