I'm surprised you haven't been paying attention. Suomi and Angelica Agurbash are restanding (the latter had to go through a grueling reselection process, but as chair of the local party she managed to just about squeeze past Inaya Day), while UKIP have gone with the appealing joint ticket of Günther and the Sunshine Girls. The Statement of Persons Nominated was as follows: AGURBASH, Angelica (Lab) FRANCIS, Leigh (Con) IRIMIA, Gabriela (Lib Dem) JENTINA (Green) SUOMI (Beard) the Sunshine Girls, GÜNTHER (UKIP)
It's a shame so few of them have titles or positions which would lend themselves to some sort of joke thread about successions.
That SHOCK result in Wokingham after the day's coverage of Agurbash's 'Myleene's Meaty Minge' Twitter photo scandal IRIMIA, Gabriela (Lib Dem) 24,491 SUOMI (Beard) 22,900 JENTINA (Green) 17,182 the Sunshine Girls, GÜNTHER (UKIP) 11,562 AGURBASH, Angelica (Lab) 4,101 FRANCIS, Leigh (Con) 48 There were 28,476 spoilt ballots. Jentina will be very disappointed with that result as a local candidate, but on the bright side The Cheeky Girls now need a rake with horsey teeth to replace Gabriela on their tour of the provincial Pride circuit next year.
After a year's dieting and plastic surgery, JANET STREET-PORTER FINALLY revealed as the new Cheeky Girl
VoR hasn't got much on since his pending conversion to Islam fell through when he was caught on Grindr, but this does mean that there's a real battle on between Iran and the Loose Women team over the bidding war for which of them gets Cat Bin Lady.
Story so far: Claire Sweeney died John Sentamu replaces Sweeney on Loose Women Nadine Coyle replaces Sentamu as Archbishop of York Sue Nicholls replaces Coyle in Girls Aloud John Redwood MP replaces Nicholls in Coronation Street Laura Linney replaces Redwood in the House of Commons Sarah Smith replaces Linney in that cancer drama Kay Burley replaces Smith in Same Difference Duchess of Cornwall replaces Burley in Sky News Angela Merkel replaces Camilla as Princess of Wales Jesus replaces Merkel as Chancellor of Germany Anthony Costa replaces Christ as Christian messiah Caroline Wyatt replaces Costa in Blue Lulu replaces Wyatt as BBC Defence Correspondent Dannii Minogue replaces Lulu as the guest vocalist on "Relight My Fire" Funky replaces Dannii as Ethan's childcare provider Heather Small replaces funky as the new funky Theresa May replaces Small as the Olympic theme song singer Mrs Goggins replaces May as Home Secretary George Papandreou replaces Goggins as Greendale Postmistress Jesy from Little Mix replaces Papandreou as Prime Minister of the Hellenic Republic Slave replaces Jesy in Little Mix Boutros Boutros-Ghali replaces Slave as a reviewer of nineties singles ZsaZsa Gabor replaces Boutros-Ghali as the next Boutros-Ghali Lulu replaces Gabor as decrepit person dying of old age Peter Jackson replaces Lulu as BBC Defence Correspondent Alison Janney replaces Jackson as Director of The Hobbit Ed The Duck replaces Janney as indie film character actor Pope Benedict XVI replaces Ed as broom cupboard companion Fatima Whitbread replaces Benedict as Pope Andy Crane replaces Whitbread as IACGMOOH contestant Anders Behring Breivik replaces Crane as CBBC Presenter Lulu replaces Breivik as Norwegian terrorist Kelly Llorenna replaces Lulu as dying person Nina Wadia replaces Llorenna as lighthouse foghorn Mustafa Jalil replaces Wadia in Eastenders Jade Ewen replaces Jalil as President of Libya Nicola Sturgeon replaces Ewen in the Sugababes President Rouhani replaces Sturgeon as SNP leader VoR replaces Rouhani as President of Iran Koko the gorilla replaces VoR as occasional Guardian columnist Cilla Black replaces Koko as the world's most famous talking gorilla Laura Linney replaces Cilla Black as Shadow Lounge regular Gabrielle Irimia replaces Linney as MP for Wokingham Janet Street Porter replaces Gabrielle in the Cheeky Girls
In a dramatic twist, Janet Street-Porter has been replaced on the Loose Women sofa by His Holiness Patriarch Kirill of Moscow This SUDDEN TURN OF EVENTS means the search is now on for a new Primate of the Russian Orthodox Church, with rumours strongly suggesting at least three Nolans are under firm consideration
Sadly Ms Tatchell is BANNED from Russia for LIFE after that unfortunate incident in the Moscow Greggs
