Setting the record straight AGAIN pt. II: The DAF Issue

Discussion in 'Moopy Moop' started by Tommy, Feb 24, 2004.

  1. Tommy

    Tommy User

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    I came home from work at about 9.30 PM GMT, and I found some really nasty things being said about me. Some of them are true, some of them are not. So I'll obviously have to tell my side of the story. Not sure that anyone will believe me, seeing as just about everyone, including K@ne has already passed their sentence on me.

    Took me a long time to read all the threads on the subject, and even longer to type this out. But here it is anyway. In this thread I'll deal with the DAF issue. I'll adress the Kelly thing in a separate thread, with a simmilar title.

    Kelly:
    Now here's some facts that needs straightning out! Let me tell this story, from the very start. Sometime last year, prolly around springtime, DAF started posting in the Beatles forum at dot. And that's when I started talking to her on MSN, at first only ocassionally - usually about music. I noticed she'd been posting threads in DotLite about her having a problem, in her usual vague, attention seeking style - still not sure if it's deliberately so, somehow I don't think so. I never knew what her problem was though, but one day she sent me a PM saying she had a crush on Wolf, and that she'd been upset about that situation. All Wolf had done was chat with her on the board, reply to PMs and e-mails (dunno when the e-mails started though...). She had told Wolf about the crush, and that she couldn't stand being around him. He told him that it would never ever be, and that he was old enough to be her dad. At this time she left the Beatles forum about twice a week, she didn't announce it though, 'cause I adviced her against doing that. I told her that staying away from the forum would prolly help. But she kept coming back. And sometimes she was ok, and sometimes she couldn't stand being around him. Wolf did nothing that not Mike W, NMTop50, or whoever else has been sending her CDs, has done. He was merely a victim of her affection if you like. More about that later... Anyway, I don't think I'm revealing too much in telling you about this Wolf business, especially considering that her e-mails from Wolf were posted on dot in December, due to her e-mail account being hacked. Upon receiving that PM from her, I think that's about when we started to speak more regularly on MSN. I was giving her advice as to how to cope with this. And so were a couple of other people I've heard. Not too long after that we somehow touched upon the subject of talking on the phone. 'Cause I was into phoning people at the time. I'd phoned Vicky and a few other people. So we agreed I should phone her. OK, I admit saying I only phoned her a couple of times is an understatement. It went on for a month, maybe a little more. I think this is about when Brad and Kelly offered their concern about what it would look like to other people. And foolishly enough, I didn't care what it would look like. 'Cause I knew there was nothing sinister going on. And I didn't see why I couldn't have perfectly friendly conversations about music with her online, or on the phone. By August, I think it was, DAF's threads about her friend/friends had become rather regular. And she kept refering to me in those threads as well, but not by name. And by method of elimination she had pretty much admitted me and Wolf were the people she was refering to: "why would it be NM? (which it btw isn't)"; and when asked if it was Wolf she wouldn't deny it was him. Anyways, I then posted my essay thread "Setting the record straight" (the initial one), where I explained that nothing sinister was going on. And that the only thing that had happened was that she had a crush on guy 2, or whatever name I gave Wolf. And that Wolf had done nothing to incourrage this. I did this to clear me and Wolf's names, because I saw that people were getting the wrong ideas. By the time I posted this thread, in August I think it was, some weeks had passed since I last called her. 'Cause I had realised it was wrong. 'Cause for instance I'd phone her Saturday night, and the next day she'd be asking me when I'd phone her again. So I realised this was turning into something not healthy. And for the record, I haven't phoned her since. Just ask DAF herself. Prior to posting this thread I was telling her just why I shouldn't be phoning her. 'Cause she kept asking me to phone her, but I refused - does that answer your question Joey? Just ask DAF... Anyway, I told her I shouldn't phone her because people would get the wrong idea about it. And even more importantly, her parents didn't know. She had however told them about me, that we'd talked online, my nationality and my age. Her dad asked if I was the same guy who had called her, but DAF lied and said no - fearing her dad would have a fit. And I was also telling her that she shouldn't be giving people out her home adress or phone number, like she had to me. Because, even though I'm harmless, the next guy might not be. And I was also saying, even though I may appear harmless, she has no way of knowing. I could just be pretending to be harmless, but in reality I might be some pervert. My point was she had no way of knowing. Neither has her parents. Or any of you for that matter. Apart from those of you I'd call my friends. Honestly I thought Kelly and Brad knew me better than this, but apparently not... Anyway, I kept incourraging her to tell her parents the truth, about me being the guy who had phoned her. I was hoping that would make them realise what kind of danger their daughter was putting herself in. And eventually she did tell them. And the only question they asked was "Whereabouts in Norway is he from?". And also she says she asked them if it would be ok for me to phone her again, which I had no intent of doing btw. And shockingly enough, they were fine with it. :manson: Well, that's what she said anyway. And I asked her a lot of questions about the conversation she had with her parents, to see if she might be lying. But she appeared to be telling the truth. And she does seem to have a thing for the truth, for instance the way she had the opportunity to say "it's not Wolf" but didn't - 'cause that would be lying.
     
  2. Tommy

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    About mobile phone text messages, I only texted her when replying to her texts (dunno where people got the idea that I'm constantly texting her first from :confused:). Like the one in January, which she talked about in Rachey's "some cunts been texting me pretending to be a bird" or whatever that thread. The text I sent her went something like: "How are you?! When you read this, reply immediately!". What DAF failed to mention in that thread was that that message was a reply to one that she'd sent me. Very few people know about the issues she's been going through lately. Brad's the only one I've told about this,'cause I thought it was a very personal thing that not everyone should know about. But I told him to explain the thing about text messages. And Brad basically posted the content of that text here earlier tonight. I'm not telling you this without reservations. But seeing as you're all so worried about her, I'll tell you. Hope you'll forgive me for this, Sofie... So...the text she sent me was something along the lines of: "I've decided to kill myself, and please don't try talking me out of it. 'Cause I've made up my mind"... When I read it I was just off work, and just about to get on the bus home, and I was panicking. So I sent her a text back, telling her to reply to it immediately. So I'd know she was still alive. But now I'm a f*cking pervert for trying to help the kid. Again, I feel I'm betraying DAF's confidence in telling you this, but you prolly won't understand it unless I tell the whole story. I'll deal with the consequences later. So...in December the thing with Wolf was getting worse, so Wolf decided he'd leave dot. There were a couple of other reasons for his departure, but one of them was defo DAF. So that she wouldn't have to be around him all the time. When he told her this she basically told him she might hurt herself. These are very selfish threats to make, in as much she's basically telling Wolf "if I die it's your fault". But I don't think she realises that. And even after he left she kept sending him e-mails. There's just no way to shake her off. Not that she's a nuisance, but for people like Wolf and myself it HAS become a burden. I knew she was contemplating it in December. But it would change from one day to the next. One day she'd be fine, the next she'd be all depressed again. And it WAS the Wolf thing that caused it. Even though she'd say that nothing in particular had happened to make her feel that way on a given day, it kinda crept through that it WAS the Wolf thing. Also in December I got about half a dozen threat-e-mails from her. She said she'd been very close to doing it a couple of times. And I asked her about it, and from the things she told me I knew she wasn't in a great danger of going through with it. 'Cause if you're serious you don't go shouting threats, and only come "close" to doing it, you just go ahead and do it. So that right there told me it that more than anything this was a cry for help. And I've kept telling that it's something that's better discussed in person. Perferably with her parents, but she can't bring herself to talk to them. She HAS however discussed the Wolf thing with one person in real life, her friend's cousin I think she said it was. But unfortunately she doesn't meet this person too often. Anyway, I went home on Christmas holiday in mid December. And on New Year's Eve, in the evening, I was on the computer. At dot saving old threads actually. And I got e-mails from both Wolf and DAF. 'Cause she'd been threatening Wolf. And I told him I'd talk to her, through e-mails. And actually, I think she sent a threat to me as well. Again, she said she'd made up her mind about it, and that there was no way I could talk her out of it. But I convinced her that she should put it off, so the two of us could discuss it on MSN when I got home (I don't have MSN when I'm back home at my parents'). And that we'd find some solution to it. By now she was kinda coming to terms with the fact that she needed help. But she doesn't wanna seek it out. And you can't really blame her. She's only 14, it's not a decision she should have to make. Her parents should be bright enough to realise that something's going on with their kid... Anyway, when I returned to my flat in Bergen in early January. I was trying to help her. I asked if there was some telephone hotline in Britain, that was open 24/7, where kids can phone in and talk about their problems. She actually had that number on her school planner, or whatever it was. I tried to talk her into phoning in. And that it wouldn't be fun. But to get better, she would have to do SOME suffering first. Which she actually thought meant sense, but she didn't wanna do it all the same. Like you lot have said earlier, telling her parents should kinda be a last resort. I was considering that. And like you know I do have her parents' phone number, so if I ever think she's in real danger I'd phone them. But Wolf had a slighly less dramatic idea, about sending them a letter. Explaining how she'd been depressed and suicidal. That's the last I heard anyway. Not sure if he ever sent it, prolly not...
     
  3. Tommy

    Tommy User

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    Some comments...

    Kelster:
    *sigh* Well I never thought the texts was such a big deal... And I never HID them from you, there was nothing interesting about them. The one she sent me while I was visiting you in December went something like: "don't bother posting the knock out competition in the Beatles forum, I'll do it myself...". And another one: "ignore my PM" or something...

    Kelster:
    You make it sound like I've been phoning and texting her regularly right up until this day. OK, I admit the phone calls did carry on 'til a few weeks prior to my "setting the record thread", which I think was in August last year. So basically I haven't been phoning her since then. She's sent me the odd text since then. And I've replied to them if it was something that demanded an answer. If it was something that could wait 'til I got online, I'd wait.

    musical-beezwax:
    This is the case exactly. But people here seem convinced I have some sinister intentions. And very true, the parents should know about this. But knowing that they don't mind her talking on the phone with 26 year old Norwegian men whom she met on the net, they may not do much about this either...

    Joey:
    Actually, I'm very worried about that. When I talked to her on MSN last night she said her typing might go funny after a while, because she was drinking. And I thought, is this some f*cking sick joke? Is this even DAF talking? But it turns out, it was her. And she wasn't joking. :manson:

    Kelster:
    I'm not running away from anything. I'm merely trying to cope. Earlier this week I did stay off MSN, 'cause I was working out things in my head. And the thing about posting here 'cause people here wouldn't guilt trip me is something I told Brad in confidence a day or two after we broke up. Basically what was happening is he was giving me a very hard time for the way I had treated you, Kelly, and you can't blame him. But the thing is it wasn't what I needed right then. I had huge arguments with you, and I'd get the same thing from Brad. I'd feel attacked from all directions. I know you're the one who has a reason to feel shit here, I realise and appreciate that. But at the same time, I do feel extremely guilty and sorry about this. And at the time no one was acknowledging MY feelings, so that's why I needed to escape for a little while, 'cause I'd gone crazy otherwise. Of course I can't blame anyone for not seeing my side of it, seeing as I'd been beyond a prick to you. Anyway, I'm not ignoring you. I HAVE been on MSN lately, just not at the same time as you. And I thought you said you were keeping distance yourself? Anyways, hopefully I should be more on MSN in the days to come.

    Kelster:
    Well, I didn't care at first. 'Cause like I said, *I* know there's nothing sinister going on. But I realise now, for quite a while actually, that there's more to it than that.

    Mike W:
    That's pretty much the nature of my friendship with her too. Apart from me phoning her rather regularly for a month or maybe more last year. Which was wrong, I realise that...

    Octophone:
    Well I suppose me saying I only phoned her a couple of times is a lie. An understatement at best. I've told the whole story here tonight though. I guess people will believe what they wanna believe. But this is my take on the whole thing. Having typed all this out I've got a major headache, and should be going to bed soon. Hopefully I'll be up in time to answer whatever questions you may have. :bruised:
     
  4. K@ne

    K@ne Have a nectarine, Gonk!

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    Just my 2 cents worth.

    I didn't realise THAT was DAF's "big secret", I thought it was something incidental that anyone could figure out. From the way people have been talking I thought her SECRET was some kind of medical condition.

    Anyway I stick by my opinions Tommy, & you have ALWAYS known I didn't like the whole situation, from the first time you phoned her.
     
  5. Tommy

    Tommy User

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    That's pretty much the "big secret", yes.

    Yes, I know, you were prolly the first person to criticise it. And I know you mean well. David mentioned the whole attatchment/detatchment issue in another thread. And I feel that's very key here. I was never that attatched to her, but I did allow her to get too dependent on me. I realise that. But what am I to do when she's asking for help. It's hard to turn someone down like that, when they're obviously in need of help.
     
  6. kelster119

    kelster119 User

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    I never said there was something sinister going on between the 2 of you...in fact if you re read my posts i said i believed there wasnt anything sinister but that she may not be so lucky with the next guy and that it was unhealthy for her to be conversing privately with a guy so much older then her for the fact that for one thing it brought up thoughts of inappropriateness in the minds of everyone she told about it and that the way she conducted herself made it appear as though there was something going on that wasnt quite right...

    My point in both these threads is that its hard to trust what either of you say when you admit in both threads to lying and she admitted to me earlier that she wasnt truthful about the phone calls either... and if its all so innocent (which i'm not saying it isnt) then why lie about it?

    And you contradicted yourself when you said that when we told you it was inappropriate you said you didnt care how it looked you knew it was innocent...then you turned around and said you told her you couldnt call any more because of the way it looked...

    Another thing..yes Brad did tell me that you told him you were only posting here because you wouldnt get guilt trips...Brad is my bestest friend and he looks out for me and the fact that you were avoiding both me and him for the most part bothered him enough to say something...that's how much HE cares...

    And one last note...why are you helping her anyway? She doesnt need help...she told everyone that herself today...doesnt need it and doesnt want it...we were all trying to help her but she flat out refused but yet you say she ASKS for your help?

    Anyway..seeing as you have apparantly gone to bed and i'm talking to dead air...i'm out of here myself
     
  7. Venus In Furs

    Venus In Furs User

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    I know you never said that - I remember telling you that on MSN one time and you knew that, or something?

    It was months ago he helped me, he doesn't help me now, 'cause I don't ask for it.
     
  8. Sheena

    Sheena MAKE IT QUICK, LUCILLE!

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    She's FOURTEEN for fucks sake, does no one see any of this as REMOTELY inappropriate, sinister or NOT ?
     
  9. Joseph

    Joseph .

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    YES
     
  10. LARZ

    LARZ UMBRELLA

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    There's something VERY wrong with this situation. Not only is it quite unsettling, its also legally and morally WRONG. Take a step back and evaluate it from the perspective we're seeing it from.

    :confused:
     
  11. VoR

    VoR #Justice4JLo

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    But why WOLF?

    The man's HIDEOUS!
     
  12. Kate

    Kate SLAGS 4 TAGS

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    Did any of you actually READ what he posted there... the girl was threatening to KILL HERSELF
     
  13. Joseph

    Joseph .

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    ATTENTION SEEKING.. he was trying to cut her off so she had to do something (at least that's what I got out of it)
     
  14. LARZ

    LARZ UMBRELLA

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    Exactly.
     
  15. Joseph

    Joseph .

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    thank you

    it's still disgusting to think that Tommy plays Mr Morality on here yet converses secretly with a 14 year old girl
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 3, 2004
  16. Jack

    Jack I HAVE NO IDEA

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    After reading this, I think these posts should be closed and removed. This is just too much. Reading it made me feel bloody uneasy. ITS TOO MUCH :manson:
     
  17. Shania

    Shania Do Not Mention The WAR

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    I blame DAF :evil:
     
  18. Alex

    Alex User

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    Just what i've been thinking:bored:
     
  19. Alex

    Alex User

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    I agree, if she is just being attention seeking then this thread isn't going to help matters :manson:
     
  20. Rachey

    Rachey A little bit lesbian

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    well this is FAR too long to read at work...im BUSY!

    Brief summary please:
     
  21. Jack

    Jack I HAVE NO IDEA

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    :manson:
     
  22. Shania

    Shania Do Not Mention The WAR

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    yeah! I tried to start reading but it's taking much time...mmm busy too :grr: brief summery of what Tommy said plz!
     
  23. Rachey

    Rachey A little bit lesbian

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    Yes? I AM busy thanku!
     
  24. Joseph

    Joseph .

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    Tommy blamed it all on YOU:angry:

    he is going to contact his local authorities:nun:
     
  25. Rachey

    Rachey A little bit lesbian

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    oooh good
     
  26. Joseph

    Joseph .

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    he also demanded pictures of your LARGE breasts :manson:
     
  27. Bunty's Magic Vegetable

    Bunty's Magic Vegetable User

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    Tommy, do you know what a PARAGRAPH is?
     
  28. Rachey

    Rachey A little bit lesbian

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    how FILTHY!
     
  29. Joseph

    Joseph .

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    SUE HIM!:smoke:
     
  30. Matthew

    Matthew I am not a sandwich

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    BAN him
     
  31. Rachey

    Rachey A little bit lesbian

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    my POOR bosom
     
  32. Jack

    Jack I HAVE NO IDEA

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    Do we have to hear about Racheys TITS?

    I feel decidedly SICK :bruised:
     
  33. Rachey

    Rachey A little bit lesbian

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    well REALLY......
     
  34. Last Splash

    Last Splash Guest

    GARGANTUAN!
     
  35. Indie

    Indie Great Tits

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    manSON.
     
  36. Tommy

    Tommy User

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    Kelster:
    Well that's just the way DAF is. She could make a friendly coversation with her grandad come across as something inappropriate: "I was talking to grandad about something earlier, but I'm not gonna tell you about what (and please don't ask me if he slapped me on the head, 'cause that was my dad, ok?)"... I made that up btw. Yes, I noticed you said there PROLLY was nothing sinister going on. But that was only after everyone was convinced that there WAS something inapproriate there.

    My point in both these threads is that its hard to trust what either of you say when you admit in both threads to lying and she admitted to me earlier that she wasnt truthful about the phone calls either... and if its all so innocent (which i'm not saying it isnt) then why lie about it?
    Well I'm SORRY I said I only phoned her a couple of times - I know that's an understatement. And like I've been saying since August (which is about when I last called her) I should never have phoned her in the first place. I see people aren't gonna believe me no matter what I say here.

    And you contradicted yourself when you said that when we told you it was inappropriate you said you didnt care how it looked you knew it was innocent...then you turned around and said you told her you couldnt call any more because of the way it looked...
    Well that would only be a contradiction if those things happened on the same day, which it didn't. I phoned her for the first time sometime early last summer, at which time you and Brad told me you thought it was inappropriate, and that if dot people got the sniff about it they'd label me a kiddiefiddler. And I foolishly didn't care what it looked like, 'cause I knew there was nothing sinister going on. But as the weeks went by, and DAF kept posting threads about her "friends", I started realising I shouldn't have phoned her in the first place. And that's when I stopped phoning her. Ca. August last year.

    And one last note...why are you helping her anyway? She doesnt need help...she told everyone that herself today...doesnt need it and doesnt want it...we were all trying to help her but she flat out refused but yet you say she ASKS for your help?
    Oh she desperately needs it, she told me that. And of COURSE she's not gonna accept help from the people who's been bullying her around for the last year, get real! And WHY am I helping her? Well the girl was giving out threats on a weekly basis, I'd say that's a pretty DEFINITE cry for help.
     
  37. Jack

    Jack I HAVE NO IDEA

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    One doth protest too much... :manson:
     
  38. Tommy

    Tommy User

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    Well it IS unfortunate that the person she's chosen to open up to is a 26 year old strange man, yes. Other people have been giving her advice too, Mike W for instance. But frankly what do you want me to do? You just don't cut someone off or refuse to help them when they're asking for someone to talk to, and certainly NOT when there's threats involved. Did you even read what I said?!

    Of course, in an ideal world she would be discussing this with someone IRL, someone trustworthy. And I've told her that on and on. But she can't bring herself to tell her parents. And the only real life person she's told is her friend's cousin, whom she doesn't see that often.
     
  39. Tommy

    Tommy User

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    I'm sure you'd find even the most innocent person would protest if they were unrightfully accused of kiddyfiddling. And if I come across defensive, it's only because everyone here seems convinced I'm a perv.
     
  40. Jack

    Jack I HAVE NO IDEA

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    I bet you feel a bit of a tit now after all this time you spent moralising others..... I mean, LOOK what mess you've got yourself into.

    Ironic really............
     

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