The Best and Worst of 2018

Discussion in 'End Of Year Charts' started by Mugatu, Dec 21, 2018.

  1. Mugatu

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    I honestly don't think I could top last year's worst songs countdown, I was unusually full of venom and feeling a lot more inspired, but in the interests of completism (or autism) I've decided to write another year-end recap.

    These pithy summaries are so lame but 2018 felt like a much better year for music than 2017, if only due to a lack of Ed Sheeran and Jessie J releases.

    There was still a fair amount of utterly heinous shit out there though, so I'll start by dishing out a few dishonourable mentions then move onto my favourite tracks.
     
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  2. Mugatu

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    Dishonourable Mention #1

    The Greatest Showman



    I've never seen this movie and I'm still fucking sick to death of it. I'm honestly impressed how it crosses all of my red lines in so many different ways, whether it's a screaming Hugh Jackman (in more ways than one), Zac Efron's sensitive constipation face, or carnival-folk and their devious, scheming ways.

    I hated the mawkish self-help ballad This Is Me the most, for sure. I know it's a musical and I get that the songs are deliberately on the nose - but I really resent how "you've made it through to judge's houses!" it is, from Koala Settle's deafening bellowing right down to the gospel choir (who are presumably glad they weren't alive during P.T. Barnum's whole human zoo period).

    It says a lot about the total creative terminal illness we're all living through that less than a year after the original soundtrack was released, a "reimagined" version was recorded by a truly awful litany of B-grade pop artists, like The Greatest Showman was some long-lost all-time classic. I'm so grateful we now know what these songs would be like if they were sung by Pentatonix!
     
  3. Mugatu

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    Dishonourable Mention #2

    Anne-Marie - 2002 & Jess Glynne - All I Am



    I really can't stand the false nostalgia trend of current popular culture. It's a close relative of the constant remakes, spin-offs and sequels that blight the entertainment world. 2002, its folksy Love Yourself-esque acoustic guitar and charmlessly home-spun Sheeranisms are equally grating.

    2002 especially celebrates this totally fictitious vision that people's teenage years are like Skins (dancing on top of a Mustang in the woods? Kicking it urban-style with some Jay-Z?) when in reality, all of them are as awkward and depressing as The Inbetweeners. I'm not surprised Anne-Marie is pretending to have grown up in America when if this song was set in the UK it would be about getting fingered in a damp scout hut to S Club 7.

    I know Jess Glynne has nothing to do with that, but she's another side of the coin of mediocre, faceless pop music that ends up being massive for some reason.

    Where Anne-Marie is the bolshy, spiritual successor to Jessie J - she even jammed with Ed Sheeran (:zombie:), disappointingly not on Old Street doing an urban gig - Jess Glynne is the Facebook friend who you fear may crack entirely without her inspiring motivational memes. All I Am is basically that grim co-dependency set to music.
     
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  4. Mugatu

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    Dishonourable Mention #3

    Maroon 5 - Girls Like You (feat. Cardi B) & Justin Timberlake - Supplies



    Girls Like You makes my skin crawl. I know his intentions are good but there's something so unconvincing about Adam Levine rebranding himself as a sensitive, woke male feminist. He just wants all women to know that it's ok if they need to cry their tears all over his penis.

    Also every pop song I listened to on YouTube jumped to this when it ended for about two months, so a lot of this is based on deeper personal resentment.

    Supplies is terrible, Justin Timberlake's rap-sung vocals are the most irritating they've ever been, but the video is worse. His whole career has been based off seeming like the kind of guy who'd slip a finger up your arse during sex, watching him look haunted at stock footage of Trump and Harvey Weinstein felt just as disingenuous as Adam Levine's tear-stained dick.
     
  5. Mugatu

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    Honourable Mentions

    Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper - Shallow



    Shallow was a lot like the movie, it walked on a wire over insane, implausible melodrama, but the soft, uncertain tone into the massive headline note was one of Gaga's most credible emotional performances.

    5 Seconds of Summer - Want You Back (and Haim - Want You Back)



    The goofy, completely over-wrought emo lyrics and glossy Eighties guitar riff was a surprisingly great combination. I somehow missed the Haim song of the same name in 2017 and it really deserves a place on one of these lists.

    Cardi B



    Mii Channel homage Be Careful and I Like It were both full of the energy and personality that Nicki Minaj had before she legally had to feature on all recorded music.
     
  6. Mugatu

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    8. Au/Ra & CamelPhat - Panic Room

    Where all your darkest fears are gonna
    Come for you, come for you :dj:




    One of my biggest regrets in 2018 was not hearing this claustrophobic anthem when I was off my tits on drugs (being off my tits on drugs at any point would have also been good).

    It's so cold and menacing-sounding, the production completely nails the feeling of hearing a beat through a toilet wall at 4am and wondering if you're going to make it to the end of the night, or to the next morning.
     
  7. Mugatu

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    7. Post Malone - Better Now

    Used to keep my picture posted by your bedside
    Now it's in your dresser with the socks you don't like :(




    Post Malone is the world's most hot couch artist. His home probably smells like stale weed and the air tastes like when you leave a bag of crisps open for too long then eat one. He eats off paper plates, reused once.

    In celebration of a year where my brain has slowly atrophied into a pink mush, like the stuff they put in chicken nuggets, I had to include such a likeably dumb song. It's summery, totally stupid and the lyrics are obviously really deep and emotional.
     
  8. Mugatu

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    6. MNEK - Tongue

    Swimming pool of passion
    Mutual attraction
    :horny:



    I could have included most of MNEK's singles on the list somewhere, I also really enjoyed the mission statement track Correct and the ludicrous-but-addictive Colour. His album was also pretty good, despite being purchased by about ten people from the internet.

    Tongue was such an interesting twist on the usual deep-house template. The slightly deadpan whispering in the chorus threw me off at first but I grew to like it a lot, and it builds to a brilliant conclusion.
     
  9. Mugatu

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    Time to quickly finish this off while nobody's looking...

    5. Taylor Swift - Delicate

    Is it cool that I said all that?
    Is it chill that you're in my head? :shy:


     
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  10. Mugatu

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    4. George Ezra - Shotgun

    There's a mountain-top that I'm dreaming of
    If you need me, you know where I'll be :beer:


     
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  11. Mugatu

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    3. Janelle Monáe - Pynk (feat. Grimes)

    Let's count the ways
    We could make this last forever :peace:


     
  12. Mugatu

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    2. The Chainsmokers - Side Effects (feat. Emily Warren)

    I think about it all the time
    Make it happen in my mind :tongue:


     
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  13. Mugatu

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    1. Janelle Monáe - Make Me Feel

    So good, so good
    So fucking real :disco:


     
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