The shocking truth about Kelly Llorenna

Discussion in 'Pop Toilet' started by Ag, Jan 16, 2016.

  1. Devil

    Devil I Need A House

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    That's about my rate too :disco:

    True Love Never Dies is amazing.
     
  2. RobotBoy

    RobotBoy BANG BANG

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    11 Heart Of Gold
     
  3. ButterTart

    ButterTart Welcome to die

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    She's only 34 you heartless bastards! Growing up in Oldham would make anyone prematurely wizened.

    I'll thank you all to show some respect for the FACE of British dance music.
     
  4. Sheena

    Sheena MAKE IT QUICK, LUCILLE!

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    00 Heart of Gold
     
  5. Sheena

    Sheena MAKE IT QUICK, LUCILLE!

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    OH MY SHIT- she actually DOES claim to just be 40 :D :D :D :D
     
  6. Slave

    Slave User

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    Oh the days when Kelly Llorenna would come crashing through the back door of the pub where I worked, having heard there was going to be a bit of ket and coke going upstairs.

    It became somewhat commonplace for a few weeks. I remember once shouting at her "shoes OFF if you're going to walk through the bar, the floor's just been MOPPED". She did at least comply
     
  7. Kalabaliken

    Kalabaliken Judging you in Google Translate

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    KLlo did drugs?
     
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  8. ButterTart

    ButterTart Welcome to die

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    Water and regular exercise are the only drugs Queen Kel has ever partaken of. And MDMA a few times with the girl I used to work with.
     
  9. VoR

    VoR Forever in our hearts #Justice4Barb

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    :D !!!
     
  10. Sheena

    Sheena MAKE IT QUICK, LUCILLE!

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    :D :D :D :D

    This is rapidly turning into MOOPY GOLD!
     
  11. VoR

    VoR Forever in our hearts #Justice4Barb

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    K.Llo ALWAYS delivers :disco:
     
  12. Sheena

    Sheena MAKE IT QUICK, LUCILLE!

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    More K.LA than K.Llo
     
  13. ButterTart

    ButterTart Welcome to die

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    A quick Google search of Our Kel's recent whereabouts revealed that this happened, and I didn't go to it. Bugger.
     
  14. Penelope

    Penelope AND SHAVE OUR EYEBROWS

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    Oh my GOD :D
     
  15. Marilyn

    Marilyn User

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    I don't know where to begin with her blurb

    This misspelled name, Set You Free not being a number one, the dodgy spacing and punctuation...
     
  16. straightorbroken

    straightorbroken Trust the Duchess

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    It's hard to type with her press ons, all the while shouting "come on!"
     
  17. Marilyn

    Marilyn User

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    I also like how she's specified as (Live), as if there was a possibility she'd be appearing via satellite
     
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  18. Marilyn

    Marilyn User

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    Or maybe as a hologram
     
  19. Marilyn

    Marilyn User

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    I realise this is mega old news for all of you but I've just seen the video for Tell It To My Heart for the first time ever and I'm completely agog



    The atrocious acting
    Her middle aged face
    Sitting in a parked car pretending to drive
    The dodgy dancing of the crowd
    Kelli nearly glassing a bitch that was in her way
    The REVEAL where the guy turns out to be a different guy and Kelly does an interpretive dance

    How have I lived this long without seeing it? As videos set in clubs go it's up there with Believe
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2017
  20. VoR

    VoR Forever in our hearts #Justice4Barb

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    A sprightly 27 when that was a hit. :D
     
  21. ButterTart

    ButterTart Welcome to die

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    She had the middle aged face when she was popping out of sunroofs in the Set You Free video.

    I don't know why I'm joining in with the shade, I LOVE her.
     
  22. Sheena

    Sheena MAKE IT QUICK, LUCILLE!

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    Is Kelly basically going to end up doing the gay cabaret circuit with OUR HAZELL and Nikki French?
     
  23. VoR

    VoR Forever in our hearts #Justice4Barb

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    What do you mean 'going to end up'? :D
     
  24. RobotBoy

    RobotBoy BANG BANG

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    I honestly wouldn't care to admit how many HOURS I've spent dissecting this work of ART over the years.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2017
  25. Sheena

    Sheena MAKE IT QUICK, LUCILLE!

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    I presumed she was still doing the dance circuit?

    She's still a STEP ABOVE (some would say) the likes of ALL TIME BYWORD FOR "ROPEY OLD BAG ON THE GAY SCENE" KELLY WILDE, for example

    [​IMG]
     
  26. Pipo

    Pipo i feel like i am the Paris of people

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    HA! Yeah in DOG years perhaps.
     
  27. Ag

    Ag User

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    I can't say I anticipated the scale this topic has turned into.
     
  28. ButterTart

    ButterTart Welcome to die

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    She's a divisive figure, she was bound to inspire furious debate.
     
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  29. straightorbroken

    straightorbroken Trust the Duchess

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    It's probably true in a way - she'll have been blacked out in a Travelodge bath tub for half her life, so why not just chop half off?
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2016
  30. VoR

    VoR Forever in our hearts #Justice4Barb

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    The YouTube comments under this video really give you a feel for her core market.

     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2016
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  31. VoR

    VoR Forever in our hearts #Justice4Barb

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    My favourite Kelly video is the one for the actually quite good 'Nobody Like You', a rare moment of original artistry for Mme Llorenna.



    She actually looks like that tan mom woman.
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2017
  32. Sheena

    Sheena MAKE IT QUICK, LUCILLE!

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    OMG AT THE COLOUR OF HER IN THAT LAST VIDEO AND I'M SORRY I KNOW THIS IS ALL IN CAPS BUT SERIOUSLY I CAN'T EVEN...:D :D :D
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2016
  33. VoR

    VoR Forever in our hearts #Justice4Barb

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    It's the opening shot of the orange claw sensually caressing the polished mahogany calf that cracks me up every time. :D

    I appreciate her carrying on the noble tradition of rough-as-arseholes Northern celebrities attempting to pull off leopardskin print too.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2016
  34. Sheena

    Sheena MAKE IT QUICK, LUCILLE!

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    She's FUCKING SEPIA :D
     
  35. Kalabaliken

    Kalabaliken Judging you in Google Translate

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    I've never heard Nobody Like You before, and I really like it! I am ASHAMED. It's probably the only song of hers I would listen to ever again.

    The least said about the state of her in the video the better, though!
     
  36. ButterTart

    ButterTart Welcome to die

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    She looks like she's been varnished. Good song though, I'd not heard it before.
     
  37. Ag

    Ag User

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    11 Set You Free
    09 Brighter Day
    10 One Day I'll Fly Away
    11 True Love Never Dies
    10 Tell It To My Heart
    10 Heart of Gold
    10 Forever
    10 This Time I Know It's For Real
    09 Nobody Like You
    10 I Will Love Again - Let's not forget Lady Gaga rips this off. Just saying.
    10 Before You Love Me
    07 Dress You Up - EVEN I STRUGGLE WITH THIS
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2016
  38. Halli

    Halli sippin' champagne from a paper cup

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    Heart of Gold?
     
  39. Ag

    Ag User

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    A 10 of course, but I have recently come to favour the original!
     
  40. Eileen

    Eileen All the better to see you with, my dear.

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    The Force and Styles version of Heart of Gold is a 13/10 STOMPATHON
     

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