The Worst Songs of 2017

Discussion in 'End Of Year Charts' started by Mugatu, Dec 28, 2017.

  1. Mugatu

    Mugatu User

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    Being complimentary is boring and I need to hit a certain quota of spite to keep my place in the Moopy bullying clique for next year so I will be presenting my worst songs of 2017 over the next few days.

    I'll post some of my favourite tracks from this year once I'm done. Have a great time and stay safe.

    [​IMG]
     
  2. Mugatu

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    10. Pink - Beautiful Trauma

    Mmm tough times they keep coming
    All night laughin' and fuckin' :zombie:




    I'm fairly certain that Pink has released the same singles from every album for about five hundred years now. With this track she ticked off the "twee mid-tempo about how her fucking boring marriage is bad but also good sometimes" box and even nailed the heeee-larious comedy video.

    There are no Australian lesbians in my social circle so thankfully she's easily avoided but wow, the total lack of anything new to say for probably the second or third project running is actually impressive.
     
  3. Mugatu

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    9. Jessie J - Queen

    The world says beauty is changing
    FUCK THAT it's fake expectation of the real shit
    Let's get NAKED, start meditating




    As the slow descent of Jessie J's career continues on the road to I'm a Celebrity... 2018, this year she entered her very serious, ART NOT THE CHART phase and began releasing a series of terrible plodding R&B songs that all sound like they've been produced on a budget of about £2.50.

    While the interminable Think About That and Not My Bisexual Ex were both truly dreadful in their own ways, Queen marked a return to the simpering, Dove commercial pop last hurled at those with less self-esteem than taste when she was actually popular.

    I feel very empowered by the fact that all of Jessie's releases this year failed to make the top 200.
     
  4. Suomi

    Suomi Super Moderator

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    Let's play How Long Can You Last? with this video



    I lasted 1:12. Any advance on that? The winner gets to travel back in time to that 2009 gig and warn dub and Whatever about what was to come.
     
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  5. Mugatu

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    8. Tom Zanetti - You Want Me (feat. Sadie Ama)

    Okay then, watch what I say then
    If you like champagne, swing my way then




    There's obviously worse shit to come but fuck me, I can't remember a more outwardly obnoxious vocal delivery than DJ/rapper/social media thoughtfluencer Tom Zanetti spitting bars about going out to awful provincial nightclubs to commit date rape or something.

    Zanetti would later go on to fuck Katie Price because reality is unimaginative.
     
  6. Ag

    Ag User

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    1:22.

    I can see what you mean by 1:12 though.
     
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  7. Ag

    Ag User

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    Despite being aware of how shit it is, I actually quite enjoyed this.
     
  8. Mugatu

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    I made it to the stupid vocal stutter thing she does about 40secs in

    [​IMG]
     
  9. Suomi

    Suomi Super Moderator

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    If even she's shrugging at how shit it all is, I'm certainly not staying any longer.
     
  10. Suomi

    Suomi Super Moderator

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    Omg watch from 3:22-3:27 to see her mouth I Love You. It's too much
     
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  11. Mugatu

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    #7, #6, and #5 coming tomorrow!

    [​IMG]

    (I'm actually surprised the internet gays are still making gifs for her at this point, they must be the only ones left)
     
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  12. Mugatu

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    I'm still totally on the bad dance music train, it makes up a decent proportion of my top 10, I just can't stick his voice or the oily TOWIE reject style.
     
  13. Mugatu

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    Special bonus for my fans - I just realised I forgot to include this but it is unspeakably crap and therefore should be regarded as a spiritual #11.

     
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  14. Diddy

    Diddy Rice Queen

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    I got to 3:10 but I was screaming sometimes. A qualified success.
    The idea of the song is good, I need to remember that when I start a relationship. But unfortunately it’s HER, and she keeps mouthing “I love you” at me, and I suspect this story is totally made up anyway
     
  15. Ellie

    Ellie Super talented triple threat

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    These are all truly dreadful! Apart from Pink I hadn’t heard any other f the others before. Jesus fucking Christ at those Jessie J ones.
     
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  16. Ellie

    Ellie Super talented triple threat

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    Totally a bottom table of the Semi Final type Eurovision song.
     
  17. Mugatu

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    7. Ed Sheeran - Shape of You

    Last night you were in my room
    And now my bedsheets smell like you




    The entitlement of Ed Sheeran thinking that he was in any way suitable for a subtle tropical house track about having a one-nighter is astounding but here we are, looking back at a year where a song that calls to mind his thrusting, pallid arse cheeks and cum-soaked bedsheet was #1 for fourteen weeks.

    I find his tryhard normal guy song-writing to be seriously grating most of the time and this is one of the worst cases for it. There's nothing that fits an actually well-produced (if desperately overplayed) tropical beat like sensually whispering about some Chinese buffet, all before a quick fingering in the back of a cab.
     
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  18. monsta

    monsta CAUGHT YOUR FEVER

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    This is my favourite thread on Moopy RN
     
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  19. Mugatu

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    [​IMG]

    There are more inspirational ballads to live your life by coming up :)
     
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  20. Mugatu

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    6. Liam Payne - Bedroom Floor

    We always on and off until you're on me
    Until you're on me, yeah
    :bad:



    Liam has always seemed like a massively boring twat so it was a mild surprise when he decided to ditch the dad rock and try to become the UK's #420fuccboi answer to Justin Bieber.

    The awkward, hip-hop thug posturing of Strip That Down was bad enough but Bedroom Floor is even more unconvincing. Liam shoots for the role of a smouldering ex but basically falls totally flat on his face. He stalks moodily around a random kitchen in the video looking like a constipated ten year old, while the lyrics just come across as resentful and creepy.

    Unsurprisingly he revealed that this insulting Drake offcut is noted R(acism)&B(attery) artisté Cherly Cole's favourite track from his upcoming final album.
     
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  21. Mugatu

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    Oh my god

    [​IMG]
     
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  22. lolly

    lolly Rowena? From Kuwait?

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    I'd never heard that Script track until Christmas TOTP. I'm not sure I've ever heard such calculated, offensively trite 'rock' music.
     
  23. Mugatu

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    It sounds like it was written by committee for awful mums to yell along to in some grey arena. My ability to live, laugh and love will probably never recover.

    Looking back it's probably worse than the Pink song, I'll just say that the numbers are pretty arbitrary up to #4.
     
  24. Mugatu

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    5. Eminem - The Storm (Freestyle)

    That's an awfully hot COVFEFE pot!
    Should I drop it on Donald DRUMPF?!?! Probably not!




    Eminem, welcome to the #resistance.

    Yes, Trump is bad. But fuck me, why does almost every response to him have to be so overpoweringly lame? The amount of times the lying, fake news media have drowned some smug celebrity personality in praise for bravely pointing out that Drumpf "has no decency" or "is orange" is ridiculous.

    As someone that once watched half of 8 Mile on a train, I know that a freestyle is about bravado and isn't always going to be your peak lyrically. But Eminem has never seemed less cool than when he jigged around in a car park in front of some hired black people talking about how much he loved the military, or at least until he did a pop song with Ed Sheeran.

    In conclusion, Mr Trump........ your fired
     
  25. Mugatu

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    4. U2 - American Soul

    A country to receive us
    Will you be our sanctuary
    REFU-JESUS!
    :manson: :manson: :manson:



    I fucking loathe U2. They are possibly the only band that would make me ever consider leaving the house wearing orange.

    Thankfully, they're in that stage where enough middle-aged dads have stopped buying their records for them to be much of a 2017 presence but that still hasn't stopped their positively SEARING social commentary. American Soul is a trite pile of garbage about how rock n roll can like, totally save the world. It's the type of music that could only be written by a man worth $800million. The lyric above is genuinely real!

    Bono, who famously saved Africa by making cooler-looking iPods, is the perfect celebrity representation of the kind of #woke neoliberal capitalism that has totally failed to get anyone out of this mess and it is truly a blessing that U2 didn't decide to hack people's phones again to make them listen to this tone-deaf shit.
     
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  26. KindaCool

    KindaCool KayCee

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    Can't stand Bono and his little group of champagne socialists. He's not socially aware, he's not a cultural icon, he's not provocative. He's just rich and good at whining.
     
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  27. Steptacular

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    Disagree with Pink being on here but can't argue with the rest!
     
  28. Apocalypt Flyer

    Apocalypt Flyer spheres

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    This thread:
    [​IMG]
     
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  29. lolly

    lolly Rowena? From Kuwait?

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    Prepping myself for Louis Tomlinson :zombie:
     
  30. Dark Carnival

    Dark Carnival Missss Vaaaaaanjie

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    I'm glad I haven't been exposed to half of this list. But that Ed Sheeran song is the devil personified.
     
  31. Apocalypt Flyer

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    Moopy unites in its disdain for Jessie J is by FAR my favourite incarnation of Moopy.

    By FAR.
     
  32. Mugatu

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    3. Ed Sheeran - Galway Girl

    I walked her home then she took me inside
    To finish some Doritos and another bottle of wine




    Looking back at the way Ed Sheeran was promoted as an edgy, grime-affiliated "real" musician during his first album feels so weird in 2017. He's truly the kind of guy you'd take back home to your parents, at which point they would shame you for having such bland sexual tastes.

    Galway Girl seemed inescapable for a couple of months. There are few songs that make a drunken night out sound as resolutely boring as this one, a grim ode to some Irish pisshead that lets him chuck it up her so he stops going on about fucking VAN MORRISON all the time.

    It does give me some comfort that all of his pretenses at sincerity back when he was doing songs about dying hookers have been eroded into pure sell-out tracks like the mind-numbing Perfect and this one, a glorified Irish tourist board jingle. I hope he chokes on his Guinness.
     
  33. Ag

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    U2 are fucking shit. I wasn't aware that they had new material out, which has been such a relief. It's nice that Bono's transition to an elderly lesbian has gone well.
     
  34. Mugatu

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    2. Ed Sheeran - New Man

    You were the type of girl who sat beside the water readin'
    Eatin' a packet of crisps, but you will never find you cheatin'




    This is co-writer Jessie Ware's Iraq, and for me a perfect summary of everything I dislike about the Sheeran brand of arse-clenchingly twee Facebook status lyrics.

    Shaming his probably boring ex-girlfriend's New Man (who frankly sounds like a serious upgrade) for not fitting the noted ideal masculine trope of sitting in godawful pubs listening to Van Morrison already puts him on shaky ground. But the attempts to cast himself as a romantic outsider are so laughable, especially when he is incredibly obviously the guy that whips out his acoustic guitar at a party and plays some uninspired chords like these.

    Why on earth is Sheeran under the impression that he isn't deeply, deeply basic? And why is his relatable crutch making constant references to people eating crisps?

    (sorry for writing about this cunt again, I switched #1 and #2 at the last-minute. You might be able to guess what's coming next)
     
  35. lolly

    lolly Rowena? From Kuwait?

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    U2 had an Abbey Road studios TV show that Mr L recorded the other night. I was shocked at how rough Larry Mullen Jr looked.
     
  36. Ag

    Ag User

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    I was aware of a TV program, I even posted on FB at my disgust of it being described as an "early Christmas gift".
     
  37. octophone

    octophone fucking ADMIN, bitches

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    :D !!
     
  38. lolly

    lolly Rowena? From Kuwait?

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    I genuinely loved two of their albums back in the day (Achtung Baby and Zooropa), but couldn't put myself through a TV show.

    And in fairness, I think that part of loving those albums was the thought that it might have helped me get in someone else's pants. Unfortunately it didn't.
     
  39. octophone

    octophone fucking ADMIN, bitches

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    They are, at least, a total irrelevance now. Their last 3 albums have all pretty much flopped and they had to wheel out "The Joshua Tree" to pull a crowd. Bono was always a cunt but it's a bit like the Gallaghers; there's a point where sublime cheek drifts into entitled bullshit.
     
  40. octophone

    octophone fucking ADMIN, bitches

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    Zooropa is well good and AB is no slouch next to it. But, like most men their age, they couldn't keep it up.
     

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