Eurovision 2021: The Rehearsals

ButterTart said:
I've never understood this argument. Who would have called Cesar Sampson or PROUD a favourite - either with the juries or the public? The fact that the song is objectively better than the majority this year shouldn't translate into automatic last place. We didn't come last with SuRie, Joe & Jake or Electro Velvet, and they were shite. We have a fun, insanely catchy, radio friendly song this year and no indication that the performance is bad, so how could we possibly be justified in coming last?

Sorry, I know I get my back up, I just get wound up by ceaseless negativity that isn't applied to other countries who are far more deserving of it.
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I feel like I can objectively say, from the clips, James Newman is the least charismatic and engaging performer in this entire line up. That's a line up that includes Estonia. The voice is *okay* if not quite enough for this song, but the rest...he literally does nothing and I'm getting nothing at all from him. I'm almost getting "why the fuck am I here vibes". I'm really struggling to see why anyone would pick up the phone and vote for this unless there's a last minute glow up.

Also I know the dreaded press poll isn't entirely accurate, but Cesar and Proud seemed to rank quite highly that year so it wasn't totally out of the blue (of course Norway were near the bottom with some no-marks called KEiiNO, so...)
 
We so need to open the show. I don't think last is nailed on, but whether we finish 21st or 26th, it's just another shit year for the UK. I don't think any positives can be taken unless you're in the top 20 anyway like Lucie managed. And the only hope of that is opening now

Also is there a chance we'll chuck in some last minute pyro? Has this happened before or is the staging all done and dusted by the second rehearsals? Because by fuck do we need it.
 
Sorry but I love France. It's not the best clip but some of them are strange choices anyway. Glad to see they're keeping the shaky camera thing.

I too think she won't finish top 5 on the televote though, pushing it down. Surely it's still going to be a good result for France either way
 
VoR said:
I think it's probably too late to make significant changes to the stage show at this point.
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Oh that's a shame. You'd hope they'd take note from feedback/use their own eyes and do something but I guess it's a lot of faff.

Maybe James should just have a nip slip like France
 
Penelope said:
Why can we never get it right? It's absolutely maddening.
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It’s almost mesmerising in how they just get it spectacularly wrong year after year after year.

That rehearsal clip shows it all up. Whatever you think of the song, he just looks and sounds so BORED.

And will it ever change? Meh...
 
It's the BBC. Everything has too many cooks, everything is far too cautious. No risks allowed.

They seem to keep aiming for something that'll get enough jury points to save us from the bottom, but serving up this bland shit year after year just isn't working. Yes, this is a marked improvement on last year, but baby steps just aren't cutting it at this point.

Oh well.
 
Another problem in common with last time, is that poor old James just isn't a star. He's at least got a bit of talent and industry experience, but he's hardly a captivating performer. Most of the time in the rehearsal he just looked uncomfortable.
 
Careful everyone, @ButterTart will be in here in a second to tell us that we should stop talking our country down and all we need is a can-do attitude.
 
I was just checking to see if being the show opener is much help and well, poor Imri from Israel opened it a few years ago and he came 23rd, so...:bruised:
 
David 5000 said:
Careful everyone, @ButterTart will be in here in a second to tell us that we should stop talking our country down and all we need is a can-do attitude.
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I am here for @ButterTart and will hold his hand, providing comfort and soothing words (you're right, he did light up the room BT, I know, I know, he really did) when it all inevitably unravels

Quite frankly if a moopy straight has a meltdown I fear that that the cords holding moopy together will start to break and then there will be nothing to keep the gays contained and ordered around here
 
VoR said:
It's the BBC. Everything has too many cooks, everything is far too cautious. No risks allowed.

They seem to keep aiming for something that'll get enough jury points to save us from the bottom, but serving up this bland shit year after year just isn't working. Yes, this is a marked improvement on last year, but baby steps just aren't cutting it at this point.

Oh well.
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Absolutely. It all lies with the BBC - every year there seems to be talk of a change of direction but so far we have only managed to progress from mortifying to forgettable. There’s also a distinct sense of what works elsewhere on the BBC will work at Eurovision. It doesn’t and it’s won’t (Eurovision isn’t Strictly or :eyes: All Together Now).

The idea of playing for the jury votes is an interesting one - I am sure there was a similar idea behind ‘lighter’ anthem ‘Bigger than Us’ and didn’t that come close to dead last with the juries? How many times in recent history would a UK entry have even got out of the semis? (Lucie, Blue, Jade and possibly the charismatic Molly?)
 
I've not come into this thread since yesterday as I acknowledged I was getting my back up, but since I've been goaded into it multiple times I'll just say I'm very underwhelmed by it. Sure, it's not as lazy as France just standing there repeating the same word and expecting votes, but it looks unfinished. You wouldn't be able to tell that there's a label backing because the whole production screams BBC. So in conclusion, not as disgusting as Switzerland, as misguided as Ireland or an absolutely lousy song people are mystifyingly talking up because of a slightly above average stage show like Portugal, Israel or Bulgaria, but by no means good. I feel like between that and not being able to visit my friends next weekend as I've been looking forward to for months, my enthusiasm for next week has dwindled to around 0.
 
Kratz said:
Absolutely. It all lies with the BBC - every year there seems to be talk of a change of direction but so far we have only managed to progress from mortifying to forgettable. There’s also a distinct sense of what works elsewhere on the BBC will work at Eurovision. It doesn’t and it’s won’t (Eurovision isn’t Strictly or :eyes: All Together Now).

The idea of playing for the jury votes is an interesting one - I am sure there was a similar idea behind ‘lighter’ anthem ‘Bigger than Us’ and didn’t that come close to dead last with the juries? How many times in recent history would a UK entry have even got out of the semis? (Lucie, Blue, Jade and possibly the charismatic Molly?)
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I think we’d have got out of the semi finals slightly more than that. If you look at whether we beat at least one country which qualified from the semi in which we were voting, Surie, Bonnie and Englebert managed that in addition to the four which you mentioned.
 
ButterTart said:
I've not come into this thread since yesterday as I acknowledged I was getting my back up, but since I've been goaded into it multiple times I'll just say I'm very underwhelmed by it. Sure, it's not as lazy as France just standing there repeating the same word and expecting votes, but it looks unfinished. You wouldn't be able to tell that there's a label backing because the whole production screams BBC. So in conclusion, not as disgusting as Switzerland, as misguided as Ireland or an absolutely lousy song people are mystifyingly talking up because of a slightly above average stage show like Portugal, Israel or Bulgaria, but by no means good. I feel like between that and not being able to visit my friends next weekend as I've been looking forward to for months, my enthusiasm for next week has dwindled to around 0.
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Sorry, this came off a lot more whiny and bad tempered than it was meant to; put it down to being ill from my government sheeple tracking chip implant Covid jab yesterday. The long and short of it is that the major reason I look forward to Eurovision has been scuppered by Bolton being shit at Covid, so the threat of us yet again doing badly and facing another year of people telling me that we should withdraw and Europe hates us has been the icing on the cake. It was just pure spite for me to lay in to all those other awful songs.
 
ButterTart said:
Sorry, this came off a lot more whiny and bad tempered than it was meant to; put it down to being ill from my government sheeple tracking chip implant Covid jab yesterday. The long and short of it is that the major reason I look forward to Eurovision has been scuppered by Bolton being shit at Covid, so the threat of us yet again doing badly and facing another year of people telling me that we should withdraw and Europe hates us has been the icing on the cake. It was just pure spite for me to lay in to all those other awful songs.
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I mean, feel free to aim your spite at Germany, he both deserves it and NEEDS TO LEARN TO FEEL IT
 
I don't want to upset ButterTart any further, so out of respect I'm going to post my thoughts about UK 2021's rehearsal footage in spoilers.

You have been TRIGGER WARNED James Newman stans!!
I honestly think we are in with a good chance of NUL POINTS this year. I can't see many/any juries ranking it in their top 10 with so many other far more impressive vocalists and performances on the table. We might get a lucky PITY POINT if Malta or Ireland have some sort of bizarre sympathy towards us but I really can't see much more than that at best.
The televote - which country's population are going to rank this as one of the 10 best performances of the night out of the 20+ songs on offer..?
From the rehearsal footage he looks like a sack of flour encased in a LEATHER TUBE, I say sack of flour as they are GENERALLY rather immobile unless overran with a mouse infestation, and poor JN's stage presence is giving me LACK OF LIFE, CHARISMA and general lack of want to be there - which is probably how a sack of flour feels before being made into a cake.
I actually find the song, cheap, tinny and offensive too. It sounds like the rights-free music YOUTUBERS use to soundtrack their montages of different restaurants they visited in Morocco.

I'd honestly rather the UK didn't compete AT ALL than we send this. It's just completely, utterly and entirely embarrassing on all levels. We have the conversation every year about what the UK/BBC should do next, and it gets to a point where you just have to pull the plug completely. I'm sure most of Europe massively RESENT us getting an automatic pass to the final, and I'm sure there will several NQ's next week that would be far more deserving of a finals place on Saturday night than we will be.

They only realistic approach I think could possibly work is using BBC Introducing each year to find a complete unknown with a self-penned song to represent us. Might be absolutely rubbish, but we might also stumble across some gold that feels organic. WHO KNOWS!
 
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wurst said:
I love that this seemed to be clearly based upon some BORED GAY finding Eden's "set me free" chorus amusing, and things just LUDICROUSLY SPIRALLED from that point onwards :D

Sam Teen is AS EVER the star of the show :D
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I bet SAM TEEN is a RIGHT PAIN IN THE ARSE at BAGGAGE RECLAIM!
 
wurst said:
I don't want to upset ButterTart any further, so out of respect I'm going to post my thoughts about UK 2021's rehearsal footage in spoilers.

You have been TRIGGER WARNED James Newman stans!!
I honestly think we are in with a good chance of NUL POINTS this year. I can't see many/any juries ranking it in their top 10 with so many other far more impressive vocalists and performances on the table. We might get a lucky PITY POINT if Malta or Ireland have some sort of bizarre sympathy towards us but I really can't see much more than that at best.
The televote - which countries population is going to rank this as one of the 10 best performances of the night out of the 20+ songs on offer..?
From the rehearsal footage he looks like a sack of flour encased in a LEATHER TUBE, I say sack of flour as they are GENERALLY rather immobile unless overran with a mouse infestation, and poor JN's stage presence is giving me LACK OF LIFE, CHARISMA and general lack of want to be there - which is probably how a sack of flour feels before being made into a cake.
I actually find the song, cheap, tinny and offensive too. It sounds like the rights-free music YOUTUBERS use to soundtrack their montages of different restaurants they visited in Morocco.

I'd honestly rather the UK didn't compete AT ALL than we send this. It's just completely, utterly and entirely embarrassing on all levels. We have the conversation every year about what the UK/BBC should do next, and it gets to a point where you just have to pull the plug completely. I'm sure most of Europe massively RESENT us getting an automatic pass to the final, and I'm sure there will several NQ's next week that would be far more deserving of a finals place on Saturday night than we will be.

They only realistic approach I think could possibly work is using BBC Introducing each year to find a complete unknown with a self-penned song to represent us. Might be absolutely rubbish, but we might also stumble across some gold that feels organic. WHO KNOWS!
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Honestly, I think James will be quite pleased to get this sort of write up from someone who rates Telemovais.
 
ButterTart said:
Sorry, this came off a lot more whiny and bad tempered than it was meant to; put it down to being ill from my government sheeple tracking chip implant Covid jab yesterday. The long and short of it is that the major reason I look forward to Eurovision has been scuppered by Bolton being shit at Covid, so the threat of us yet again doing badly and facing another year of people telling me that we should withdraw and Europe hates us has been the icing on the cake. It was just pure spite for me to lay in to all those other awful songs.
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:(

Sorry it definitely wasn't any intention to upset you, just a bit of moopy silliness, although obviously with very real opinions of our entry in there. But I can see why it got to you especially when you like an entry and our potential floppage will trigger the usual infuriating comments from everyone who has no grasp on the contest at all.

You know what the worst day of the year is? The Monday back to work after Eurovision. For many, many obvious reasons, but mostly because I spend the day trying to be calm, trying to be polite, knowing any second I might SCREAM, grab a biro or a stapler, and then start pen-stabbing or stapling everyone in their stupid fucking mouths. No matter what, this year it'll be the same excuses, "lol they hate us, jelus cos we got Brexit mate" with no one ever quite admitting we were just a bit shit. Even with Lucie...no, apparently that's still a total flop. It's why I'm GAGGING for us to do well because I want to hold everyone to account, and ask how their dumb shit comments made any sound, logical sense and not like a bunch of entitled wankers.

...so, as luck would have it, I have a whole week off after the final. That's not why but I was delighted when I realised my timing, a week later all will be forgotten and I'm saved from being Britain's first Eurovision motivated serial killer (I say first in Britain, because it happens several times a year in Moldova)
 
wurst said:
I don't want to upset ButterTart any further, so out of respect I'm going to post my thoughts about UK 2021's rehearsal footage in spoilers.

You have been TRIGGER WARNED James Newman stans!!
I honestly think we are in with a good chance of NUL POINTS this year. I can't see many/any juries ranking it in their top 10 with so many other far more impressive vocalists and performances on the table. We might get a lucky PITY POINT if Malta or Ireland have some sort of bizarre sympathy towards us but I really can't see much more than that at best.
The televote - which country's population are going to rank this as one of the 10 best performances of the night out of the 20+ songs on offer..?
From the rehearsal footage he looks like a sack of flour encased in a LEATHER TUBE, I say sack of flour as they are GENERALLY rather immobile unless overran with a mouse infestation, and poor JN's stage presence is giving me LACK OF LIFE, CHARISMA and general lack of want to be there - which is probably how a sack of flour feels before being made into a cake.
I actually find the song, cheap, tinny and offensive too. It sounds like the rights-free music YOUTUBERS use to soundtrack their montages of different restaurants they visited in Morocco.

I'd honestly rather the UK didn't compete AT ALL than we send this. It's just completely, utterly and entirely embarrassing on all levels. We have the conversation every year about what the UK/BBC should do next, and it gets to a point where you just have to pull the plug completely. I'm sure most of Europe massively RESENT us getting an automatic pass to the final, and I'm sure there will several NQ's next week that would be far more deserving of a finals place on Saturday night than we will be.

They only realistic approach I think could possibly work is using BBC Introducing each year to find a complete unknown with a self-penned song to represent us. Might be absolutely rubbish, but we might also stumble across some gold that feels organic. WHO KNOWS!
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You could have said this most years and we don't end up with nul!
 
I still say the UK song is worthy of some points on its own merit, but that staging goes NOWHERE......i mean they literally keep him in the dark most of the perfomance! It simply doesn't cut it in 2021, and as a result as others have said it screams accident bottom 3/5, even though objectively speaking there may be a good few who are worse.

ButterTart, I know it's fustrating...I've been there, I'd love my home nation to do well/win, but eventually you just need let it go and enjoy the contest for what it is..with all the trimmings!
 
I mean, I don't actually think it'll make much/any difference in terms of the scoreboard, but good on them for making the effort!
 
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