Eternals

ft. Bebe Winans


  • Total voters
    10
Well I thought this was quite fun for a Marvel movie. It’s not as focused as Shang Chi and there is a lot of exposition but I wasn’t bored.

It’s just a terrific cast and they’re fun to watch. Unfortunately I thought Kumail was the weakest and quite annoying. And yeah it does look better than the usual fodder.

I didn’t see Ikarus being the bad guy, there are so many red flags with Druig so it was a nice turn. And they went for an Arab for the homosexual couple which is sweet and explains why it’s been banned in the gulf.
 
It’s definitely more of a soap opera which is probably why I enjoyed it.
 
Down to 48% on Rottentomatoes now :bruised:

It opened in the US with $72m, just shy of what Shiang Chi managed, but I suspect the week two numbers will be brutal…
 
I give it 2 years before this is revised as the hidden gem. This is in no way Thor 2 bad or even Ultron.
 
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Oh this was LUMPEN wasn't it? I quite enjoyed it though. Give me a lineup of people in different colours combining their powers or whatever and I'm happy enough

HATED SPRITE THOUGH

Loved the gay

Harry Styles was shit! :D
 
Why did a bunch of aliens who had been on earth for 7000 years have a mixture of accents from American, Mexican, Scottish, English, Irish, Indian and whatever accent Angelina Jolie was doing?
 
Hmm I didn’t get on with this really, I had time to think of alternative names like The Interminables, or hey don’t overthink it, The Arseholes. Because they were mostly arseholes.

Yeah I know a lot of these properties can’t wander too far from the source material but these characters didn’t really work.

And why did they keep mentioning Batmans and Superman?! Were they trying to trick us into thinking it was a DCU film, because they sort of did.

Let’s go down the line
Salma and Angelina I can always watch but they were mostly benched.
Ikaris was a low-calorie superman; eye beams but not as good, flies but not as fast, tries to act but someone seemed even more wooden than Cavill, DIRE
Sprite needed a punch and a wig, Druig(?) was a wanker, Gilgamesh was there too, Running lady was too, black gay filled the brief.
And Kumail was appalling, imagine being a comic relief character so unfunny.
And I forgot to talk about Gemma Cham at all, but she was alright (if she was acting in a depressing romance drama)

And they were twats! Imagine living for millennia and having no character development except becoming jaded and angry and falling in dull staring love.

Which gets us to basically anyones motivation for doing anything. I love you, so I can’t kill you. I love someone who loves you so I stab you.

I mean the film just sort of happened, the effects were good when they weren’t on a blue grey filter. The deviants were just blah too
 
Urghhh it’s so boring but I feel like I need to talk about it.

Of course John Snow had some tedious backstory that wasn’t interesting at all unless you knew about it already.

WHY did Sprite live for thousands of years but never stop being a pissy baby? Who the fuck cares if you’re being dicked down by an adult and you look like a kid when you’re ACTUALLY THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD. I’m sure people didn’t give a fuck in ancient Mesopotamia - they don’t even care that they’re being eaten by sea monsters there *looks blandly at son “Run”, calmly gobbled up*

I don’t care about the post-credit scene, after that CG monstrosity stereotype slithered out of the uncanny valley, some Bowie cosplay moment was not the worst acting in this film
 
Sprite even had the ability to change appearance, so why not just DO THAT?

I didn’t bother waiting through the credits and just walked out. If it was anything important I’ll skip to it on Disney+ in a couple of months.
 
Sprite even had the ability to change appearance, so why not just DO THAT?

I didn’t bother waiting through the credits and just walked out. If it was anything important I’ll skip to it on Disney+ in a couple of months.

Well they established that she’s sort of a hologram, not like Mystique. There are plenty of rotted guys who would fuck her, she doesn’t look THAT young, like what, 15?

She might have more luck if she wasn’t such a pain in the arse and seriously did ANYTHING about her hair
 
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"Eternals will return..."

is-it-really-is-it-though.gif
 
I didn’t bother waiting through the credits and just walked out. If it was anything important I’ll skip to it on Disney+ in a couple of months.
It was pretty important!
 
Well it was so shit I can’t be arsed watching a sequel anyway.
Well as always they have relevance to the wider MCU

Scene 1: A shit little goblin rolls out from a portal and announces the arrival of Eros, the brother of Thanos, who is Harry Styles just saying words in his Harry Styles voice

Scene 2: Kit Harington opens a box with a sword in it, goes to touch it, the sword starts going all funny, then a voice (was it Nick Fury? dunno) says "Are you sure you want to do that, Mr. Whitman?" (his character is someone called Black Knight in the comics)
 
Well as always they have relevance to the wider MCU

Scene 1: A shit little goblin rolls out from a portal and announces the arrival of Eros, the brother of Thanos, who is Harry Styles just saying words in his Harry Styles voice

Scene 2: Kit Harington opens a box with a sword in it, goes to touch it, the sword starts going all funny, then a voice (was it Nick Fury? dunno) says "Are you sure you want to do that, Mr. Whitman?" (his character is someone called Black Knight in the comics)

:D you can’t blame BLANK for saying words in BLANK’s voice, the WHOLE CAST DID THIS
 
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Well I guess Angelina didn’t, that was Lara Croft’s voice.
“hellow” *raises eyebrow, widens eyes briefly, has big lips, all sexfully*
 
Underwhelming. The sex scene everyone talks about was rather insipid. I found Bryan Tyree Henry's lingering kiss with his husband hotter, and surprising for a Marvel film.

Visually quite nice, even if obvious green screen was obvious.
 
Well as always they have relevance to the wider MCU

Scene 1: A shit little goblin rolls out from a portal and announces the arrival of Eros, the brother of Thanos, who is Harry Styles just saying words in his Harry Styles voice

Scene 2: Kit Harington opens a box with a sword in it, goes to touch it, the sword starts going all funny, then a voice (was it Nick Fury? dunno) says "Are you sure you want to do that, Mr. Whitman?" (his character is someone called Black Knight in the comics)
The off screen voice is supposed to be Blade, in this universe portrayed by Mahershala Ali!
 
I don't normally live blog a film, but I've been watching this for 34 minutes now and it feels interminable already so tapping out a few posts might make it more enterrtaining.
 
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Gemma Chan is amazing - I want to watch everything she has ever done
 
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Selma is awful. B List at best and creaking around letting that costume wear her. SAD :(
 
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I keep getting the two Scottish chaps mixed up. HOT HOT HOT Berry Keoghan eclipses them anyway.
 
Angie is amazing though. The star power is off the SCALE. I'm surprised she didn't take the Ajak role for the PRESTIGE but its ACTUALLY a STONE COLD BORE, so maybe she chose well.
 
I had to abandon this yesterday as it's so really terribly BORING that I feared for my sanity. I've just crawled through the final hour and it's just absolutely AWFUL.

I hope Chloe Zhao got lots of money for putting her name to something which feels like it has nothing to do with her and was worth ruining her reputation for.
 

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