Moopyvision 2000-2009: Round 5 - Croatia, Latvia, Serbia & Montenegro RESULTS

Thank fuck that stupid pirate song didn’t win. It’s a 30 second joke that wears out its welcome.
I am going to stand outside your house playing Cosmos through a ghetto blaster. I’ll be wearing earplugs, obviously.
 
2nd: F.L.Y. - Hello From Mars (149pts)
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Mystifyingly talked up by Terry Wogan as highly likely to garner Latvia two wins on the trot, this ode to the rarely-heralded joys of the MMF threesome (come 'ome @Mugatu :() crashed straight into the barriers - picking up a sole five points, all from hosts Estonia - despite a plum position in slot 24 on the night. Nonetheless, its insidiously earwormy 90s charms wind up doing a little better here, coming within just nine points of victory.

Inevitably, one of them's dead now :basil: The slightly obnoxious man on the left who kept pulling focus through the whole thing marks the third Latvian Eurovision death, a remarkable haul considering they've only been entering since 2000 - and yet! One that STILL isn't as bad as Macedonia's!!

1 x 12 (Tetris-Rock)
1 x 1 (ZenGiraffe)
 
I have not previously noticed how much F.L.Y. on the left looks like the love child of Rob Bryson and Jimmy Hill.
 
Oh, ButterTart's going to LOVE THIS :disco:

Finishing a mere twelve points off victory, it's -

3rd: Pirates of the Sea - Wolves of the Sea (146pts)
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What are some of my favourite things about common framework 'Pirates of the Sea' and their (inevitably) Swede-penned ditty?

1. One of them was literally recycled straight from bonaparti.lv into this :basil:
2. One of them is, of course, now DEAD (I *think* the one that looks like @Sheena troweled on a yard of eyeliner?)
3. The absolutely aghast review from @Jacques at how well this did in comparison to Scooch during the voting - and really, morally, is he WRONG?
4. The absolutely aghast review from @Suomi while giving this 0, on the basis that it took points away from Charlotte Perrelli ("I know she got all the 12s, but she could have been given more - why didn't she get all the points")
5. The explosion that's going to happen in about two minutes the second a few select members see where this has finished :disco:

8 x 12 (Music, auretz, ButterTart, Diddy, dmlaw, ZenGiraffe, Kevin7, Tisch)
2 x 0 (Suomi, win_the_game)
So I've been in church this evening and have returned to discover Moopy has decided to embrace Satan. This saddens me.

I shan't raise my voice because disappointment is stronger than fury, so I'll just remind you all that every other Latvian song was shit. They were all shit. I'm pleased that 8 people got the answer right because this sniper charges a day rate and I'd rather keep costs down. It does, however, hurt my soul to know that the rest of you are so allergic to fun that you'd be prepared to go nose deep in whichever turd you slipped your twelve to rather than acknowledge that this is the only right and true champion, and that you've managed to thoroughly Moopy this competition by once again choosing to worship a lesser God.

@Mulled_wine_and_game doesn't know any better, but I once looked up to @Suomi like a grandfather so I'll need some time to process this.
 
4th: Marie N - I Wanna (127pts)
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Another one that upholds a long-held contest tradition: if you want to win Eurovision, GO LESBIAN.

Still one of the least-celebrated winners in Eurovision history - not even making the top 20 on Latvia's own charts at the time, and capable to this day of dissolving @SilVoR Bells into a crimson bulb of spitting fury on its mere mention - Latvia's sole victory bow certainly doesn't have many ready defenders in the year 2021. So, let me attempt to argue it: the case for I Wanna (or I Wonna, as it was sumptuously spackily named at the national final stage).

1. It's more fun, catchy, and suffused with the spirit of Eurovision than at least three other winners this decade
2. The performance itself is, by any metric, absolutely masterful at working to keep the viewer's attention, telling a story and building to a satisfying finish (if the likes of Xandee - 1 Life had put in THIS much work, they probably wouldn't have been rounding out their nights in the bottom 5!)
3. As @Tetris-Rock pointed out to me the other week, it's actually quite strikingly progressive considering we're talking 2002, and considering we're talking Latvia - a country where Pride marches couldn't even go ahead without attempts at denying public permission (or opposition from figures as high up as the *actual Prime Minister*) until the end of the decade.

Anyway. Slightly dated out the gate it may have been, and eternally resented for denying Malta their one likely realistic bash they'll get at the crown forevermore, I Wanna will never be truly loved by the fanbase at large - but really, you could do much worse as winners go.

2 x 12 (David 5000, Soldi)
2 x 1 (Queen of the Bay, ButterTart)
I mean this came fourth so you should really have a sense of how fucking atrocious the Latvian selection was.
 
I have had a break with reality so am choosing to assume that Penelope is back on the drugs and incapable of adding up. I congratulate Brainstorm on their deserved second place.
 
1st: Brainstorm - My Star (158pts)
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MESMERING

Really, it's astonishing seeing how Latvia decided to go for much of the rest of the decade when they got it SO RIGHT with their debut. Pulling out a woozy, winsome psychedelic orchestral delight which could've easily stood up with the best of Britpop in the charts of 1995 was one thing. Pairing it up with a performer as transfixingly weird as Renars Kaupars was another. It feels like it could've at any second gone a hair too offbeat and ended up as novelty freakery, but the 'shrooms just kicked in babes!' vibe worked perfectly, with a performance really just based entirely on Renars FLAILING AND MINCING (™ VoR) across the stage ending up compellingly watchable, scoring Latvia a podium finish from the off (and really, it's a dying shame this wasn't the one they won with...)

The dearly departed @Dinlo once described this as "the track that'll be playing when I eventually walk up the aisle", and honestly, I hope he DID eventually manage to score that one - it's a track that'd fit a wedding day beautifully. Moopy sends it through to the semi-finals as Latvia's qualifier by nine points, and as the third male qualifiers all in all.



8 x 12 (Penelope, VoR, Queen of the Bay, Jacques, win_the_game, Ill Advised, Pingu, Madison)
1 x 1 (David 5000 - PERVERT!)
 
1st: Brainstorm - My Star (158pts)
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MESMERING

Really, it's astonishing seeing how Latvia decided to go for much of the rest of the decade when they got it SO RIGHT with their debut. Pulling out a woozy, winsome psychedelic orchestral delight which could've easily stood up with the best of Britpop in the charts of 1995 was one thing. Pairing it up with a performer as transfixingly weird as Renars Kaupars was another. It feels like it could've at any second gone a hair too offbeat and ended up as novelty freakery, but the 'shrooms just kicked in babes!' vibe worked perfectly, with a performance really just based entirely on Renars FLAILING AND MINCING (™ VoR) across the stage ending up compellingly watchable, scoring Latvia a podium finish from the off (and really, it's a dying shame this wasn't the one they won with...)

The dearly departed @Dinlo once described this as "the track that'll be playing when I eventually walk up the aisle", and honestly, I hope he DID eventually manage to score that one - it's a track that'd fit a wedding day beautifully. Moopy sends it through to the semi-finals as Latvia's qualifier by nine points, and as the third male qualifiers all in all.



8 x 12 (Penelope, VoR, Queen of the Bay, Jacques, win_the_game, Ill Advised, Pingu, Madison)
1 x 1 (David 5000 - PERVERT!)

:ghost:
What the actual FUCK is this? Do you really think this is something to joke about? FUCKS SAKE.
:ghost:
 

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