My top 32 favourite Real Housewives of ALL TIME: it's finally OVER!

Music

User
Joined
Apr 30, 2004
Messages
2,762
I fucking love Kim Richards cause she's so batshit crazy. I love when she was off her tits in the limo and she has an empty baggie with the GAY BULLMASTIFF boyfriend who was most definitely her dealer. I think later in that episode she told Kyle she thought she was pregnant :D
 

OutSynk

Light me up put me on top
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Messages
13,510
Location
halfway between fantasy and reality
Me on public transportation trying to keep 2m distance.
giphy.gif
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,022
Location
I'LL DIE!
OK I think with Kim and this next one, I think we have officially crossed into ALL LEGENDS territory on this countdown :disco:

Next up, JOGGERS:

25: Shereé Whitfield - Real Housewives of Atlanta
516310f00b2338f1510132b65b832bed.gif


Our first ATL lady on this countdown is OG and fan fave Shereé!

Shereé for MANY REASONS is a bit of an odd one in the Housewives universe. It might be better to break this down into bullet-points to explain WHY:

- Shereé is DELUSIONAL! She presents herself (or at least TRIES to) as an extremely affluent, VERY SUCCESSFUL woman of high society. In reality, Shereé has been dousing herself in Jinkx Monsoon's perfume. I don't think it's ever explicitly said on the show, but it's heavily hinted that Shereé is actually FLAT BROKE. There are rumours of her car being repossessed, at some point I think in season 3 she downsizes her house, Phaedra at one point sends one of her minions to chase Shereé down to get a cheque :D and there's a weird argument at the start of season 4 with Nene that implies something has gone wrong with Shereé borrowing money off Nene's husband (I think? It's not entirely obvious what the fight is about). The other women on the cast don't (often) openly mock her, but there are a lot of KNOWING LOOKS and eye-rolls when she opens her mouth. It's also quite funny when the mask slips, and the REAL Shereé who will rough you up in an alleyway comes out :D
tenor.gif


- Shereé is a comedy character, she's just not AWARE of it :D The above delusion, and general sense of trying to KEEP UP APPEARANCES make Shereé quite an unintentional funny character. She doesn't come off as particularly INTELLIGENT in my opinion, and she always has a BIZARRE excuse (or flat out lie) if anybody asks any questions about her business (at reunions in particular), and it's never really clear AT ALL where her money comes from.

- Shereé is quite a pointless human being. EVERY SEASON Shereé starts with some sort of new MONEY MAKING SCHEME or new direction to try out. She had her infamous SHE BY SHEREÉ fashion range, her dancing in a local version of Dancing With The Stars (Atlanta :bruised:), her attempts at becoming an ACTOR, chasing her ex husband through the courts to get child support...it just goes on and on and on. The woman has no purpose in life, and more than most Housewives I really have NO IDEA what Shereé does on a day to day basis. ALL OF THE ABOVE were totally put on for the cameras to engineer a storyline for Shereé. In many ways, she's a bit of an ENIGMA.
tenor.gif


- Shereé is a bit of a lone wolf. She really stands out from so many Housewives, in that Shereé really thrives in her SOLO SCENES as opposed to group scenes - which is pretty much the opposite to almost every other Housewife ever cast on the show. Aside from the infamous WIG PULL ATTEMPT in season 1 (?), I really struggle to think of anything Shereé has ever contributed to a group scene. She normally just sort of slinks into the background and pipes in occasionally to stir the pot. And despite having 6 seasons of Atlanta under her belt, I really struggle to think of any friendships or true allies Shereé has on the cast - perhaps Kim? A lot of her scenes are shot with random friends, or her hairdresser Miss Lawrence than with the other women, which is again a bit UNUSUAL for a Housewife that has been that many seasons.

Oh god I've written SO MUCH and have so much still to cover! Here's a few clips of her most infamous moments:
- The time she put on a fashion show with no fashions! (HOW DREADFUL)

- The time she got Dwight to put on a fashion show for her, and just TURNED UP an hour before having not lifted a finger, but took all the credit :D
- The SHE BY SHEREÉ promo video! This was 100% sincere btw:

- JOGGERS! September springsummer

- "I definitely thought it was fun, I liked the beat"

- The Chateau Shereé vs Moore Manor HOUSE BUILDING WAR! (do not look in Shereé's basement!). Kenya's housewarming party did give us this bizarre moment of Shereé acting like a hyena:

- Her horrific MAMA JOYCE WIG!
- and of course, the iconic "Who's gonna check me boo?" party planner scene, which is absolutely one of the all-time Housewife greats:


Phew, I feel like I could keep going (FEEL FREE TO CHIME IN WITH YOUR OWN MOMENTS :disco: )

Ultimately Shereé was dropped from the show after season 10 for lack of storylines, and because her boyfriend was put in prison for WIRE FRAUD (coincidentally around the time flat-broke Shereé SOMEHOW managed to finish building her massive, and massively expensive mega-mansion Chateau Shereé. HOW DID SHE PAY FOR IT? :D)

You can see inside Chateau Shereé in this video, I was genuinely surprised to see it's actually quite tastefully done albeit not my own taste.


Finally, despite all of the above Shereé was occasionally capable of dropping the ridiculous charade and show the true human behind the delusion. There's a genuinely sad scene on the season 9 trip where it's heavily implied her horrible sweaty ex-husband has been abusing her behind closed doors. It's a total face-crack, cannot keep up the pretence moment. Poor Shereé. Despite all of the above, you always get the sense that underneath it all she has a really good heart.

I wouldn't be surprised to see her back one day. She frequently tops most wanted return lists, and is a clear ATL fan favourite. This post was mammoth :D NEXT!
 
Last edited:
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,022
Location
I'LL DIE!
Oh and if I didn't make it clear, as FAR AS I'M AWARE - SHE by Shereé is an ENTIRELY FICTIONAL clothing label :D It's never been sold anywhere, aside from a few random t-shirts that say SHE on them. It's all a complete fallacy :D
 

Will

User
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
930
Don't forget to add NOVELIST to Sheree's ever-expanding resume. Her first (and only, I think) book (Wives, Fiancées, and Side-Chicks of Hotlanta) is available at Barnes & Noble, surprisingly. Though I imagine Aviva would have a few words to say about that :eyes:

Sheree was such an asset to the show during her first run - taking no bs from anyone, despite the quite slow but obvious collapse of the image of herself that she'd tried so hard to put across during season 1.

During her second run, she was very much coming back with her tail between her legs and a much softer bark - and she'd finally met her match in Kenya. Alligning herself with Kim Zolciak during that disastrous final season for them both was the final nail in the coffin.

But she totally should come back. Albeit in a few years when she has something more to offer, or anything that will result in her coming back stronger.
 

Phoenix

I am not a liar ;)
Joined
Apr 9, 2005
Messages
29,119
Yeah poor Sheree her first and last season properly Back as a Housewives was her worst. She was doing so good as a friend, the fights with a Kenya and the stuff with Bob really boosted her profile but then she aligned herself with Kim Z and it was a disaster (one of the worst Atlanta seasons).

She still has many iconic moments, my favorite is her orgasmic oooohs when she saw Porsha come into Kenya’s housewarming.
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,022
Location
I'LL DIE!
There really is SO MUCH TO SAY about Shereé :D I'm beginning to doubt putting her in a relatively lowly position, I could have easily blathered on for another 3 or 4 paragraphs.

Quite remarkable considering she never really seemed to forge any particularly strong relationships with any other cast members, despite being an OG and having having SIX SEASONS main cast under her belt.

(I never bought her friendship with Kim for the record - the only time they EVER saw each other was when the cameras were there too :D )
 

KindaCool

You've got issues.
Joined
Nov 13, 2012
Messages
15,954
Location
Chicago
I agree that she does seem generally good-natured, unlike hostile mean-spirited cunts like Kenya.

But there's definitely something really HOOD about her even though I don't think she's from the ghetto.
 
Joined
Oct 25, 2006
Messages
9,045
Also, I love her VOICE.
I actually came here to say I dislike the way she speaks, it’s very gummy. I’ve only ever seen the Atlanta show but stopped watching many seasons ago and some of the early Beverly Hills. Sheree was always clearly a low rent adept at clinging onto anything resembling an opportunity in life. Which is fair enough.
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,022
Location
I'LL DIE!
I've actually had minor HOUSEWIVES FATIGUE over the last week due to watching SO MUCH OF IT over the last 6 months whilst the world burns. However I'm officially back on the camel, and ready to be WILDLY FLUNG ABOUT :disco:

Apologies to (SHE by) Shereé, re-looking at my ranking she should be bumped up about 5 places or so - I didn't realise how much I enjoyed her until I wrote her write up :D

24: Michael (and Ashley) Darby - Real Housewives of Potomac
suck-a-sausage-1564688367-1564688369.gif


How the husbands/partners of Housewives get featured really varies from franchise to franchise. In New York it's not THAT MUCH as they are either dead, or the women generally don't have them for long :D, whilst in Atlanta I personally think they feature way too much - I have been known to ANGRILY AND FURIOUSLY fast forward through multiple boring-as-hell Peter and Cynthia scenes (never mind the rage-inducing PETER SOLO ONES).

I think Potomac strikes the right balance. The men all feature, but aren't semi-Housewives in the way (the hateful) Peter in Atlanta is, or how Joe Gorga gets more screen-time than most of the women in New Jersey. That is, except one :D

ashley-michael-darby_1.jpg


Michael Darby is potentially the biggest drama queen currently featuring in ANY of the Housewives franchises, possibly EVER :D He isn't even on screen all that much (seriously, in the current season he's been on screen physically for a few minutes tops this year).

He is a very strange man. Australian by birth, he somehow ended up in Washington, meeting and MARRYING Ashley Darby (how did this even happen!), becoming an iconic on-screen Housewives villain in the process. The Darbys are one of those casting decision who were obviously INSERTED into the show with no prior knowledge or relationship with the other cast members. If I remember right, the other Potomac women go to the GRAND OPENING of the Darby's restaurant Oz and just happen to spend the night mildly fighting with Ashley. Fast forward 5 seasons, and Ashley is still on the show - with Michael providing the cast with a HUGE amount of drama.

Where do I start :D I must say at this point, I have conflicted feelings about Michael still being on the show. Whilst he brings the dramz, he's certainly QUITE PROBLEMATIC:
- At some point (season 2 or 3, I forget) GAY RUMOURS started to fly around the cast (albeit in a respectful way - it wasn't presented as homophobic from memory) with reports that Michael has been seen on GRINDR.
- Michael then gets drunk and tells somebody (I think it was Robyn, she certainly ended up relaying the message to the others) that he's quite like to "SUCK ON THE SAUSAGE" of one of the other Housewives husbands (obviously Robyn's beautiful but stupid, and terminally unbothered Juan)
- Michael GROPES a male member of productions arse ON CAMERA at a party at Monique's house, that is semi-captured on film. Michael flat-out denies this, and the entire incident ended up going to COURT where he eventually got let off (how he is still on the show after this I don't know, sexual harassment on set is obviously NOT OK)
- There was additional non-sexual molesting drama, with Micheal making it clear he HATES AND DESPISES Ashley's portly (and flat-broke) Mother, essentially telling her to cut HER OWN MUM out of her life (she doesn't, and this seems to have been dropped as a plot point)
- and in the current season, we are about to enter more HIGH DARBY DRAMA as Michael has been caught in a strip club boasting he has a wife and a boyfriend, whilst new-mother Ashley is away on a cast trip with their newborn baby, that he TOLD HER to take along :D

giphy.gif


I'm sure there's more, but that's a general rundown. Michael's presence on-screen is also generally denoted with some sort of TERRIFYING VILLAIN MUSIC in the background too :D The editors clearly HATE HIM, and really do tear him to shreds more than most.

So WHAT is going on? The Darby's certainly seem to have some sort of UNUSUAL marriage, which is totally fine - and the cast have all stated they have no problem if they do. The issue generally rises when Michael and Ashley constantly deny ANYTHING IS WRONG, and that they don't have some sort of special arrangement - this just infuriates the rest of the cast, as it's blatantly not true, which then again leads to MORE DRAMA! Personally I think they are both bisexual, and have an open marriage. I'm not sure why Ashley married him (aside from MONEY of course), but she does seem to sort of like him? She's just announced ANOTHER BABY instead of a divorce - a move that truly shocked the Potomac fanbase.

You do wonder whether they concoct these storylines to bring drama, and keep their place on the show - but with some of the stuff just being plain UNWANTED ARSE GRABBING I'm not sure if that's the case.

giphy.gif


And what of Ashley? Ashley must be one of the youngest Housewives ever to be cast, and you certainly FELT her immaturity in the earlier Potomac seasons.
Whilst I do enjoy Ashley, she is your standard good value messy-boots Housewife really. She's good fun, and stirs the pot - but often feels like one of the weakest links in the Potomac core to me, She reminds me of Jackie from Melbourne actually, albeit without the physic powers. In many ways Candiace has entered the show and done Ashley's job a bit better, and a bit MESSIER than Ashley herself. The Darbys combined however have really helped make Potomac into a must-watch Housewives show.

After a couple of seasons of rivalries, Ashley has now aligned herself with Gizelle and Robyn (a WISE MOVE, as it gives both Gizelle and Ashley needed ALLIES in the cast) and she's calmed down a bit with the new baby, and torn butthole.

Ashley's defining moment is probably the AMAZING Days Of Our Knives fight, that happened over 2 episodes in Candiace's house, and is absolutely a two-parter of pure Housewives GOLD. See a cutdown here, but it's well worth watching the full thing:


Ashley also had some amazing moments VS Katie Rost in the Cayman Islands too, but Katie was later revealed to be quite mentally unwell - so enjoy Ashley's BEAUTIFUL ODE to her delightful husband instead:


So we leave Potomac for a while, and buckle up a flurry of WILDLY UNHINGED INTERNATIONAL FLAVOUR in the next batch of women. NEXT!
 
Last edited:

Phoenix

I am not a liar ;)
Joined
Apr 9, 2005
Messages
29,119
I like Ashley but I said it here before, sugar daddies are not easy (see also Catherine from Southern Charm) and to get that money you have to swim in the muck with your molesting husband. He’s a gross pickle of a man.
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,022
Location
I'LL DIE!
That's such a good point - I totally missed mentioned how HUMILIATING it must be to be Ashley and have THAT for a husband :D
The amount of times she's had to sit there at a reunion and just not really been able to say anything as he's so obviously completely awful :D

Truly a gruesome twosome. I'm still baffled that she's gone for baby number 2 rather than the divorce!
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,022
Location
I'LL DIE!
And so we travel to OCEANIA to sample it's own unique brand of CRAZY :D

23: Athena X and Lisa Oldfield - The Real Housewives of Sydney
giphy.gif

giphy.gif

giphy.gif


So we have our first COMBINED PAIRING as we head to the infamous Real Housewives of Sydney.
A show SO TOXIC and ridiculous it genuinely got cancelled after the first series as the women brought SHAME UPON SYDNEY :D

There have been a lot of unhinged, and out-there Housewives across the many, many series created - but I think this double whammy of LOON is potentially the most potent of all.

giphy.gif


Sydney is just a complete wild ride. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND a watch to anybody that just wants straight-up WILD DRAMA from episode 1, that doesn't let up for the entire run (including the tense and toxic reunion). It starts at an 11 and never really slows down, and to be honest I was borderline EXHAUSTED by the time I finally finished it.

Most of this is down to these two: Athena X, Greek-born heir to the Levendi jewellery empire (and ARTIST!) who has lived over 100 past lives (that she can remember), and Lisa Oldfield - a politician's wife who was SORT OF Australia's answer to Katie Hopkins (before KH went full-blown Nazi). They are a NIGHTMARE!

giphy.gif

giphy.gif


Athena X in particular is one of the most infuriating, ridiculous and truly BONKERS women I have ever seen on my TV :D
This WELL REMEMBERED "Captain Eyebrows" fight probably distills the essence of Athena X into a 4 minute clip :D
Nicole aka Captain Eyebrows goes to meet Athena X to talk about some charity function, and instead Athena X decides to attack her NON-STOP! Most of what she says is semi nonsensical, and Nicole barely gets a word in AT ALL:


giphy.gif

giphy.gif

giphy.gif


Athena X is ALWAYS on the attack, and gaslights the entire cast constantly - then pleads BULLYING when everybody around her is absolutely exasperated by her. This is particularly evident in the reunion where the host Alex Perry genuinely starts to LOSE IT with her, as she is SO INFURIATING.

In particular Athena feuds constantly with vile Victoria, the OTHER villain of the Sydney cast (yes it has THREE!), which starts in episode one where Athena X says to Victoria "Just because you used to be a FAT LITTLE GIRL", and Victoria responds by throwing Athena's cape into Sydney Harbour :D
You can see the cape in question here:
giphy.gif


Athena also argues frequently with the ludicrously wealthy Nicole, claiming she is "80% vegan, but eats steak" :D and having coming to blows over who has the biggest diamond
giphy.gif

giphy.gif


Oh she also randomly called (the completely useless) former pop-star Melissa a pot plant due to her lack of intelligence, tbh she MAY HAVE HAD A POINT!

giphy.gif


I don't know what was up with Athena X - her Instagram seems to suggest she is exactly the same as she was on the show, so I think perhaps she really is QUITE ECCENTRIC.

Lisa Oldfield however is a bit of a different case. From memory she seems reasonably normal at the start of the show, but very quickly stars with BIZARRE BEHAVIOUR of her own.
Lisa has claimed she was mixing prescription drugs and alcohol whilst on the show, which might explain a few of her TALL TALES. She was going through a nasty marriage break-up whilst filming (that is touched upon frequently), and this also potentially affected her behaviour somewhat.

Her most famous UNTRUTH is probably that whilst on a cast trip, she went snorkling in a COMPLETELY CALM bay, was sucked into a current, nearly DROWNED whilst doing the international arm-signal for DISTRESS (?) and was eventually rescued by a morbidly-obese man riding a blow up swan :D NOBODY in production saw this happen, or did anybody on the bay at the time - but Lisa to this day SWEARS she was telling the truth.

giphy.gif

giphy.gif


A later season plot point comes from Lisa accusing human Chewbacca, noted slut and fellow Housewife KRISSY MARSH of throwing a DEAD CAT over her fence, providing production with "photographic evidence" of said cat wanting to make a formal complaint about Krissy's alleged behaviour.
The cat photo is later revealed to be the first cat that comes up on google images when you google "dead cat" :D It is really one of the more surreal and lucid minor plot points I can recall across all Housewives franchises (and no, Krissy did not throw a dead cat over Lisa's fence).

Lisa is also known for calling her SEVEN YEAR OLD SON a dickhead on national TV
giphy.gif


AT SOME POINT these two double up and decide to go against the rest of the cast for the entire season to frequently bonkers results - usually involving screaming in art galleries or lobbing drinks over vile Victoria at various fancy dinners.

giphy.gif

giphy.gif

giphy.gif


When the pair find out vile Victoria has not invited them to her WRINKLES SCHIMNKLES launch, they band together and send iconic undercover agent LIZZY BUTTROSE to cause madness and chaos in their place to genuinely hilarious results.
Come back Lizzy Buttrose and your grotty hair extensions, you really were amazing.
giphy.gif


It all comes to a head in the final episode, where the women all attend some typical Housewives DOG WALKING CHARITY EVENT, and a typically wild and manic Athena & Lisa start popping off AGAIN about absolutely nothing, whilst a bunch of scared children look on and the other Housewives all start to back away slowly. That really was the point of no return for the show.

Give Sydney a watch if you haven't, it really is a WILD RIDE! NEXT!
 
Last edited:

jivafox

soberish
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
23,762
Location
Twin Peaks
“You’re always talking about the BIG COCKS you’ve sucked. The SMALL COCKS you’ve sucked. HI I’M KRISSY MARSH. I like a bit of ANAL.”

Lisa is definitely one of my favourite housewives. She was quite funny on instagram (when she wasn’t posting right wing NONSENSE) but hasn’t posted since January which is for the best as I dread to think what she has to say about Covid. This still makes me laugh:

59-B70739-3-F75-4443-B835-CD39-C8-C7-AE58.jpg
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,022
Location
I'LL DIE!


The way these two just BLAZED through Sydney :D

They are absolutely responsible for it only getting one season but WHAT a season it was :disco:


"I try to get to know you, but all you do is ACT LIKE A SLUT!"

This video perfectly encapsulates why Sydney is an AMAZING WATCH, and should really be better known amongst gays of the internet.
If you treat it as a comedy show rather than reality TV, it's basically Ja'Mie King: The Society Years :disco:
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,022
Location
I'LL DIE!
Incredibly guys, we are STAYING IN SYDNEY for the next one...

22 - "vile" Victoria Rees - Real Housewives of Sydney

giphy.gif


To be completely transparent here: Victoria was initially VERY HIGH in my countdown, but has been knocked back quite a few places because I really can't justify putting a leathery one-season old lush above actual legit LEGENDS, but in my heart Victoria will ALWAYS be one of my favourite Housewives.

giphy.gif


The problem with Sydney was that they cast TOO MANY VILLAINS. Had Athena X not made the cut, and had just cast Lisa & Victoria together the show probably would have made it to a second season. Thankfully for us, Athena X DID make the cut, and we have the hot mess of a single season of Sydney to cherish for ALL TIME! :disco:

Another thing that surely must have been playing on the minds of the Sydney cast was - who was going to be the GINA LIANO of Sydney..?
Gina Liano is the wildly popular "fucking queen" of the Melbourne franchise (who MAY or may not feature later in the countdown :eyes:), and Victoria is perhaps the closest to the Gina Liano style-figure Sydney got, albeit nowhere near as glam and with terrible dress sense, handily illustrated here by Victoria's iconic GREY T-SHIRT and denim skirt combo*:
giphy.gif


Connected to most of the cast beforehand (aside from Athena and Melissa the pot plant), Victoria often acts as the central figure to the show.
She's incredibly wealthy, bitchy (but not in an overtly nasty way, at least not at first) and (similar to Gina Liano) has a VERY dry sense of humour.

Victoria's unravelling? ATHENA X OBVIOUSLY!
giphy.gif


Victoria and Athena DO NOT GET ON from the moment they meet - indeed the first instance features the iconic SYDNEY HARBOUR CAPE TOSS, and their feud takes up a good chunk of the show's narrative (NOT that I'm complaining!)

Enjoy a quick youtube video FEUD RUNDOWN to save me some typing:


Victoria is absolutely not an angel here at all, she goads Athena JUST AS MUCH as Athena goads Victoria.
giphy.gif


A good example is when Victoria is about to launch her WRINKLES SCHMINKLES product and invites the women to donate a gift for a launch night auction. Athena donates a $4000 diamond, which Victoria sneers at and says "It's not the bloody Hope Diamond", encourages her auctioneer to refer to it as a "dear little thing", and disinvites Athena X from the launch event altogether for rather unspecified reasons :D
giphy.gif


This carries on until they women arrive in Singapore, and Athena and Victoria have the MOTHER of nasty fights during a dinner (you can see some of it in the clip above)
giphy.gif

giphy.gif

giphy.gif


This results in Victoria STORMING off the set, and (off camera, it's not in the show itself) saying to a producer "Get off me p**fter" in the process. Whilst YES THIS IS A HOMOPHOBIC SLUR if you watch the footage Victoria seems genuinely distressed and overwhelmed by the whole experience, and the producer involved (who she seems to have a friendly relationship with) is being really being A BIT MUCH and quite physical. I'm chalking that moment down to her noted dry personality than being a hater of all gays PERSONALLY, but if anybody knows different please correct me :D

Following this fight Victoria starts to obvious ABSTAIN from many group scenes (often claiming a HANGOVER) if it's likely that Athena will be there, and the reunion gets very tense AGAIN between the pair which again results in Victoria walking off set - albeit without a homophobic slur uttered this time.

Victoria also has a softer side - part of her storyline involves meeting some of her estranged family for the first time, which initially feels very typical Housewives :side-eye: but quickly feels SORT OF genuine - and on the above mentioned Singapore trip it's clear she OBVIOUSLY wants to spend more time with the family she never knew she had than filming more fights with Athena.
giphy.gif

She also helped Lisa out with her troubled marriage, in a way that we are lead to believe went much deeper than was seen on camera according to the reunion - and Victoria gets VERY EMOTIONAL about this.

Final thoughts on Victoria: she often does weird stuff with her eyes (SEE BELOW) and she's definitely one of the Housewives I'd most like to go for a drink with, I think she'd be a riot.
giphy.gif


JUST BEFORE WE LEAVE SYDNEY FOR GOOD, I just want to throw in a BONUS HOUSEWIFE: Matty Samaei
giphy.gif


Whilst not CANON TO THIS COUNTDOWN, Matty is a very entertaining extra in Sydney. She's Victoria's plastic surgeon and Iranian by birth. She has a VERY STRANGE AND THICK ACCENT where all of her words just seem to come out as one big long funnel of speech :D (not being racist, please watch the show - she sounds like a LEAFBLOWER) rendering her often borderline indecipherable - which to be honest just ADDS to her charm.

giphy.gif


She also has a BONKERS SCENE where she takes her children plus pushchairs plus multiple small dogs for a walk in ludicrous high heels and thickly applied lipstick, it's more like a mad Smack The Pony sketch than a Housewives segment. Sadly it's not on youtube, and this gif doesn't do it justice either - but it's WELL WORTH SEEKING OUT
giphy.gif


OK, that's OFFICIALLY it from Sydney, congrats Victoria as the highest ranking cast member. Although we may stay in the AREA for the next wife :eyes: NEXT!




*denim skirt not in shot
 
Last edited:

KindaCool

You've got issues.
Joined
Nov 13, 2012
Messages
15,954
Location
Chicago
There's nothing like an Australian housewife. They stoop lower than any other housewife :D

Matti is SOMETHING ELSE. That accent is the most grotesque FOB accent I've ever heard. "AWW I THINK IT'S RULLY NOICE"
 

Will

User
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
930
My only memory of not enjoying any of Sydney is any time that we were unfortunate enough to have Athena's nasal wailing AND Matty's poorly enunciated bellowing going on at the same time. Those moments were bad for the ears.
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,022
Location
I'LL DIE!
Victoria was my favourite from Sydney. Not turning up to things because she was hungover was very on brand with me.

It was just a shame about the POOFTA comment.

Victoria pushed all my Housewife buttons - and to be CLEAR, I wouldn't have included her in the countdown if I genuinely thought she was a homophobic person.

In OTHER NEWS, I just realised I missed out THIS ICONIC MOMENT from (SHE by) Shereé's write up :shock:
f7afde413b341cd3189ecbabcd62dbd6.gif


There really is SO MUCH TO SAY about Shereé!
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,022
Location
I'LL DIE!
I MAY slide in a BONUS few of my most HATED Housewives to keep Phoenix happy, as we are currently planted FIRM in Oceania, and may still remain for a bit longer :D

DISCLAIMER: There are not many GIFs online for this next franchise sadly (unlike Sydney which seemed to have EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF SCREEN TIME made into into one!)

21: Gilda Kirkpatrick and Michelle Blanchard - Real Housewives of Auckland

tumblr_obzyevb4O31qds5ako1_500.gif

michelle.gif


ANOTHER DUO, but let's be honest - it's MAINLY about Gilda here, you just can't really have ONE without the OTHER :disco:

Auckland is eerie similar to Sydney - they both only have one season, they are both full of genuinely incredibly wealthy women who act disgracefully and ALWAYS bring the drama, and they both feature a LUNATIC Housewife who does nothing but rile the other women up :disco:

The iconic Angela Stone is the Athena X of Auckland, but sadly this entry is NOT ABOUT ANGELA so we will mention her only in passing.

The other good thing about the Auckland casting was that it was a cast of 6 women only, so EVERYBODY had to pull their weight:
- New Zealand's answer to Anne Robinson, Louise and noted Champagne Lady (replaced LAST MINUTE by Dorit on this countdown fact fans may remember) Anne were the older contingent and soon became clear and obvious friends.
- World famous loon Angela Stone quickly became friends with racist Stepford wife Julia - mainly by DEFAULT, as there isn't much wiggle room in a cast of 6 people - particularly when the other 4 have bonded off into duos.
- and our heroes, Michelle and Gilda - ACTUAL genuine best friends, and 100% the good guys of the show (but also MORE THAN CAPABLE of bringing the drama :disco: )

Gilda in particular is SUCH a legendary Housewife in the making, had this show been given further seasons.
I've never known a Housewife be so permanently UNBOTHERED by everything. If you watch the show, she frequently doesn't get THAT INVOLVED in the group scenes - often staying completely silent, but with a look that KILLS. She very much reminds me of somebody from the Quaker faith - she only speaks when the spirit moves her, and when GILDA speaks the other women of the cast LISTEN.

Throughout the show, Gilda's face is genuinely like this 85% of the time:
Screen-Shot-2016-08-22-at-6.13.27-pm-850x510.jpg


UNBOTHERED QUEEN! :disco:

Gilda's most famous moment has gone down in Housewives legend.
The foul, but endlessly entertaining Angela Stone tries to goad Gilda from the second she meets her, to ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST from Gilda :D At some dinner party, Angela heavily infers that rumours are flying around that Gilda is a GOLD-DIGGING PROSTITUTE to the shock of everybody at the table.
Gilda, finally FORCED to open her mouth and say something on camera utters the immortal line: "You know what I've heard about you..? <silence> NOT A FUCKING THING" :disco:
images

tumblr_og6k6kFS0V1spgk1lo2_500.gif


Where do you come back from that? :D It's one of the most brutal and most effortless cut downs I've ever seen on Housewives.
Gilda actually offers similar RETORTS throughout her time on the show, but nothing QUITE as cutting and brutal as that one.

This low-fi BEST OF GILDA shows her off at her unbothered best, and includes the above scene.
Also of note is the scene where Angela tries to convince Gilda she is NOT FAKE, HOLY MOSES SHE IS NOT FAKE - to then announce she is about to release a book called "Being Real" :D Gilda of course barely moves a muscle throughout the entire scene.


FINAL thought on Gilda: Part way through the season she announces she is writing PART TWO of her childs book 'Astarons', based upon QUANTUM PHYSICS and philosophy to the mild bafflement of the other wives. Gilda seems FASCINATED by sci-fi and science, and this is slightly unexpected but really nice. QUEEN OF INTELLIGENCE :disco: Naturally her and Angela have a BOOK LAUNCH OFF with rival parties, although I doubt Gilda cared even a jot about Angela's book OR launch :disco:

Michelle is Gilda's real life best friend, and is a really bright presence on screen. She knows how to play the Housewife game, bring the drama, bring the confessionals - but you can tell she's never REALLY taking it 100% seriously...that is until the VILE CREATURE that is fellow Housewife Julia decides to call Michelle a RACIST TERM whilst on a boating trip.
I will leave you to google the full details, as it's gross and Michelle rightfully does not respond well to it.
I'm amazed they kept Julia in the show after it happened. It must have been SO DIFFICULT AND HORRIBLE for Michelle and Gilda to pretend they want to be in the same space as Julia afterwards.

Former model Michelle also brought one of my favourite SHADY LINES to the show in the first episode, when Angela Stone announces to a table of women she has just met that she is ALSO a model:
tumblr_of3k8f0tcs1s55rl4o1_500.gifv

tumblr_of3k8f0tcs1s55rl4o2_500.gif


That moment made me laugh out loud IRL when I first watched it.

Ultimately the racist incident truly fucked Auckland up the arse without having a condom.
Vile Julia and her husband took the production company to court trying to get the racist footage removed, which meant all the budget for series 2 ended up being spent on USELESS court fees - as the footage and incident ended up being shown as part of the series ANYWAY. To be clear here - Auckland was a big hit ratings-wise, and (unlike Sydney) series 2 was absolutely on the cards had this not happened.

It's such a shame, Auckland is an endlessly entertaining ride that I highly recommend.
I'd have LOVED to have seen more of all of the cast (aside from Julia). If you haven't seen it, you can watch it in glorious HD on HayU UK :disco:

Incredibly, we STILL have more from Auckland to come at some point :disco: I wonder WHO that could possibly be :D NEXT!
 
Last edited:

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom