My top 32 favourite Real Housewives of ALL TIME: it's finally OVER!

jivafox

the sexiest thing is trust
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
24,339
Location
Twin Peaks
Queen of DARK ENERGY ELYSE

8126-B43-C-9-D95-4-F96-A72-D-58-D3-F64-A65-FE.png
 

Lucille

POPPING OUT FOR SKAG
Joined
Mar 21, 2013
Messages
29,729
Location
Hackney
And so it's back to Phoenix's FAVE REGION for this BRASSY BLONDE that falls JUST SHORT of the top 10

11: Gamble Breaux-Wolf - Real Housewives of Melbourne
tenor.gif

tumblr_nkx86dLVk91ql5yr7o1_500.gif


Is Gamble the most SELF AWARE Housewife of all time? I certainly think she's UP THERE!

Out of ALL Housewives OF ALL, I can't think of ANY that understands their job as clearly as Gamble.
Gamble KNOWS Housewives is a load of camp old toot, Gamble KNOWS to shit-stir and make mountains out of molehills is the ONLY WAY to make great TV, and Gamble is FULLY prepared to say whatever is needed, and switch alliances at the DROP of a hat, to make good TV :D

Gamble is basically a TV producers gift - so much so she was ACTIVELY involved in the casting for the Real Housewives of Sydney as a SENIOR ADVISOR - and long-term readers of this thread KNOW how THAT turned out! :disco:
tumblr_ouixpocy6K1spgk1lo1_500.gifv

tumblr_oujbmskeaU1spgk1lo1_500.gifv


Gamble joined at the start of season 2 in Melbourne, and was INITIALLY pitched as a superfan/minion of Gina
tumblr_np82acK9Sq1sonlo9o1_400.gif


but with a DARK, SALACIOUS, MYSTERIOUS (and potential SEX WORKER*) past.
tumblr_njsnb63cG11qm5zw9o1_500.gif


The Janet (and Chyka) drama around Gamble's past DOMINATED most of season 2, in a way that probably SHOULD have been tiring, but due to Gamble's natural SHIT-STIRRING urges and Janet's ludicrous persona it didn't quite tire you out in the way it should.
Indeed it basically all got put to bed, before Gamble's RIDICULOUS HARRIDAN sister TEMPEST decided to BUT IN with her iconic "OH CRAP!" to Janet, and blew it all up ALL OVER AGAIN!
CDg4WWWWAAA5a0g.png

954f1240-c6d8-0132-46c1-0e9062a7590a.gif


Tempest of course made a FURTHER APPEARANCE in season 2 with her very own literal EXTREME MAKE OVER surgery reveal at Gamble's hen night :D / :disco: Really a scene of Housewives utter ridiculousness.

Fellow S2 NEW HIRE Pettifleur seem to have some sort of unspoken RIVALRY between her and Gamble, that simmers throughout season 2 and 3. It mainly seems to be based upon nothing more than them both being cast on the show at the same time :D

Gamble calling out Pettifleur's (SELF PUBLISHED) Switch The Bitch book with the immortal and utterly HEARTLESS guttural cry of "WHO IS THE PUBLISHAAAAAAA" when asked "any questions?" at Pettifleur's own BOOK LAUNCH remains both savage and hilarious.

Season 3 saw Gamble get married to her - actually quite lovely - husband Dr Wolf. Sadly it wasn't ALL plain sailing with resident princess PETTIFLEUR once again putting a spanner in the works at the wedding invite party.
Gamble is responsible for possibly one of the FUNNIEST Housewives comebacks of all time when Pettifleur refused her invitation:
tumblr_o3v7mq7Hmt1qds5ako1_500.gif


Later former BFF Gina acts as her wedding cerement, only to COMPLETELY DITCH Gamble for somewhat unclear reasons post, leaving Gamble to forge a VERY short lived alliance with Lydia, and then later move towards former ENEMY Janet's camp.
The breakdown of the relationship with Gina is so weird - one minute she's blessing their union, the next minute they aren't even speaking to each other :D

Season 4 saw Gamble obviously COMPLETELY OUT OF TOUCH with all other Housewives, with Gamble living CONSIDERABLY DOWN THE COAST out of Melbourne, but was drafted BACK INTO THE FRAY for drama purposes.

Season 4 is a bit of an odd one for Gamble. She settles into Janet's group for EASINESS sake, but most of her schtick for the season is pulling stunts against Venus and Gina, and CHIPPING HER TOOTH in the first episode :D
In many ways, she gives less of a shit than EVER and is completely determined to stir the pot however she wants - and no longer has the WASPY ANNOYANCE of Pettifleur lingering around her trying to score points :D

Pettifleur's (RUBBISH) replacement shit-in-the-lunchbox Venus is a PARTICULAR trigger for Gamble:
tenor.gif

tenor.gif


Gamble is just a grade A Housewife. She even admitted it herself ON CAMERA during season 2 during a fight with Janet's best friend and apparent Gamble NEMESIS Manuela.

Manuela: "What do you do for money"
Gamble: "REALITY TV YOU IDIOT" :D

The feud with Manuela wasn't explored ENOUGH in my opinion, and I'm surprised Manuela wasn't brought back for season 3 for FURTHER DRAGGINGS.
This Gamble read from the series 2 reunion is LEGENDARY, so much so it seemed to take SEVERAL YEARS until most people understood it:
tumblr_nohyrfopXO1qg5ea1o1_400.gifv


You can also read an interview with Manuela here where she claims she is TOO BUSY to be a Housewife, despite her OBVIOUS THIRST to be one :D
https://observer.com/2014/10/melbourne-housewife-has-real-psychic-powers-insider-alleges/

Gamble gives amazing, self-deprecating talking head and is generally a bit of a JOY of a Housewife. Never quite going TOO FAR, but messy enough to give you EVERYTHING you need :disco: (I can't find that many GAMBLE GIFs online, so the below is a bit of a placeholder :D )
tumblr_no0zykHbNu1qds5ako1_500.gif


Finally, Gamble has an ADORABLE relationship with her gay stepson Luke, who really does seem to love her back - some of the scenes at her wedding are honestly somewhat emotional. Also: who wouldn’t want GAMBLE as their evil stepmum :D

She's ALSO an occasional popstar! Most of her stuff is TOTAL GUFF, but Classy is SOMETHING ELSE, with an amazing occasional nipple-flashing video and a chorus melody that in different hands could be genuinely QUITE SOMETHING


Enjoy her best bits here, they are a RIDE


and a CLOSER LOOK at Gamble VS Pettifleur (AKA the divine fight for screen time :D )


and one of her BEST BITS EVER that didn't even occur on the SHOW!


Gamble WILL OF COURSE be back for season 5 of Melbourne, with or WITHOUT any friends in the cast. And long may she do what she's best at: STIR SHIT! NEXT!


*Sex work is of course REAL WORK, and no judgement AT ALL here from me


Omg @wurst I just got to the Gamble wedding episode where Gamble says "If i could've dreamed up a son in my wildsest dreams it would be you" and Wolfy shouts out "ME TOO!". Is this the PURSET moment in housewives history!!!
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,904
Location
COMO UN G


Black Window Elyse CANCELLED after she posted a weird (now deleted) pro-storming the capital post on Instagram over the weekend :eyes::zombie:

Sheree's friend is my ALL TIME FAVE :disco: I truly believe she was the iconic Atlanta cast member that never was. I think she had quite a few SHADY CONNECTIONS to the cast too, having dated/had a baby with somebodies husband or something.
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,904
Location
COMO UN G
Oh and if we are talking friends of, we can't deny the DESPERATE THIRST of New Jersey's Kim 'D' and 'G'

7cb73838dc062a117c12f0ff318164b4.jpg


“You have no friends, look at you, you’re going to be a old fucking old lady with your fake and square fucking tits.” :D / :disco: / :zombie:

(were they even OFFICIAL friends of, despite appearing more than some CAST MEMBERS? :D )
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,904
Location
COMO UN G
GURLS I have a confession. In Pettifleur's write up I called her the 'queen of chaos Housewives', that was quite clearly WRONG when this "highly spirited" young woman was waiting in the wings...

05: Beverley "Danielle" Staub - The Real Housewives of New Jersey PART 1
FX14.gif

PGzx.gif


You MAY have noticed this countdown is quite LIGHT on New Jersey Housewives, with just forum favourite DINA MANZO and messy drag queen Jennifer featuring SO FAR.
This isn't because I hate the show, nor because I hate the Housewives on it (well that's not entirely true - Soggy Flicker, twins, Amber Marchese and queen of the fake storyline MELISSA GORGA take a BOW!) but I do struggle to love the key players from the show:
Teresa is OBVIOUSLY entertaining and a Housewives icon, but she's just a bit too DUMB DUMB (and a truly bad person) for me to have boundless affection for.
Caroline Manzo was key to the early seasons, but her FAMILY (non)DRAMAS and schtick as self-appointed show-matriarch and moral compass wore thin on me by the fifth season
Marge is a great addition, but a bit too contentiously QuiRkY for me
and Jacqueline has one of the saddest EVER Housewives story-arcs going from dowdy-and-meek-housewife to finishing her run looking borderline mentally ill and drowning under a burden of dodgy financial dealings.

There is one Housewife, that stands HEAD AND SHOULDERS above the rest of the cast in my affections however :eyes:
1UDt.gif


Danielle is ANOTHER bang-for-your-buck Housewife, who serves it up to you in EVERY SCENE she features in, so much so that if I tried to mention everything she ever says or does on the show I'd literally be writing a THESIS, so forgive me if I overlook one of your moments of choice. It also goes without saying once again: Danielle is a truly TERRIBLE person :D but thankfully for us, she makes ludicrously entertaining TV.

Danielle Staub comes in TWO HALVES on New Jersey, seasons 1&2 and then THE RETURN that lasted seasons 8-10. Lets focus on the EARLY YEARS first.
danielle-married.gif

DemandingRemoteEgg-size_restricted.gif


It goes without saying that Danielle Staub is thirsty. She's thirsty for screen time, she's thirsty for money - and she clearly twigged VERY EARLY ON in the filming process that pottering around her at-time fiancée's home with her kids isn't going to cut it on reality TV. She reminds me of Brandi from BH in the sense that neither of them had anything to LOSE from appearing on the show, and as a result absolutely nothing was off the table, nor was there any depth they wouldn't sink to enable more focus on them.
Everything Danielle does on the show is backed by her self-serving and often malicious intent - and if you HADN'T GUESSED already, Danielle is basically the villain to end all Housewives villains - possibly even one of the best REALITY TV villains of all time FULL STOP.

I believe Danielle was the final addition to the NJ cast, and didn't actually know the other women all that well AT ALL at the start of filming. She only knew Teresa in passing, and had never met Dina Manzo.

tumblr_n6xor626Eb1ql5yr7o1_500.gif


What's really interesting about S1 of NJ is just how few group scenes there are with all the women involved. Danielle films almost entirely alone, or with Jacqueline, for the whole season, with most of the drama coming through reactions to rumours and Chinese whispers - not just via the women themselves, but also from the wider community - I think at one point a NAIL TECHNICIAN offers up a piece of gossip about either T or D that goes on to cause further high drama down the line :D

I1jM.gif


Season 1 is essential, and also a bit of an AMUSE BOUCHE for the Shakespearean MELODRAMA of season 2, and features two KEY Housewives Danielle scenes.

Firstly the BLIND DATE:
giphy.gif

source.gif


and OF COURSE, the table flip :D
The build up to this iconic piece of reality TV drama is one of those that's a bit UNCLEAR to the viewer without a bit of background digging. There's talk of a "book" but it's never really explained (I think for legal reasons). The BOOK is one called 'Cop Without A Badge', and is a memoir of a Police informant - you can read more about it here: https://www.nj.com/entertainment/celebrities/2010/08/real_housewives_of_new_jersey_80.html

Why is this relevant? The book is written by Danielle's EX HUSBAND, and she FEATURES in the book under her birth-name Beverly Ann Merrill :D Rumours are FLYING AROUND about Danielle as a result - that she's a coke-head prostitute, that she's been engaged NINETEEN TIMES, that she PISTOL WHIPPED and kidnapped somebody and has done time in jail etc etc.
Danielle is obviously UNHAPPY that these rumours are going around, and suspects the other women of planting the rumours to DESTROY HER. In a total blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, Danielle slides a copy of the book on the table at the dinner to provoke the rest of the cast:

giphy.gif


The cast reactions are of course AMAZING:
giphy.gif

giphy.gif

giphy.gif


And the whole scenario rapidly descends into TERESA MELTDOWN, in what is probably the most replayed Housewives clip of ALL TIME from any franchise:

giphy.gif

giphy.gif

N8rC.gif

8owc.gif

giphy.gif


You can watch this iconic scene in full here, incredible that they didn't think to usher the children out of the room before filming :D


I just want to take a moment to mention Danielle's DOORTERS here. For somebody who appears somewhat unstable on screen, she really has two absolutely LOVELY children. I'd even go as far as to say they may be some of my favourite Housewives kids of all. They are polite, respectful, seem to really love each other, and are both BEAUTIFUL.
They are frequently used as Danielle's on-screen filming partners in seasons 1&2 as nobody else would film with her, and having your mother explode at you about the various vicious PLOTS AND SCHEMES to orchestrate her downfall must have been bizarre/depressing to say the least.
The older one Christie has a sub-storyline about starting a career as a model, and for once on a Housewives show she genuinely has the facial features to at least give a modelling career a PROPER BASH.

Christie went on to write an article for Vice about what it was like growing up as the daughter of Danielle, that has stuck with me ever since I read it YEARS AGO.
I'm a self-confessed Danielle apologist, as I see her as an incredibly damaged individual who has been constantly abused and let down throughout her life. If you're a fan of the show it's WELL WORTH a read:
https://www.vice.com/en/article/8qwyx3/growing-up-as-the-daughter-of-a-real-housewife

and for the FIRST TIME on this countdown I'm going to have to leave it there FOR NOW as I've run out of characters AND amount of GIFs (you're only allowed TWENTY per post).

In part two (and possibly even PART 3!) we will look at the iconic SEASON 2, the glittering season 8 comeback and dramatic exit, some OFF SCREEN DRAMA that impacted on the show, Danielle's OTHER PROJECTS post-show and more general muses and ramblings.

i suggest you head over to
giphy.gif

to pass the time until the next instalment :disco:
 
Last edited:

KindaCool

You've got issues.
Joined
Nov 13, 2012
Messages
16,267
Location
Chicago
Omg each housewife is getting her own countdown :disco: this is one countdown I'm GLAD is never gonna end :D

I agree though. Something has always been clearly unhealthy about Danielle. "Below the belt" is just the tip of the iceberg with her. She's like Stephen King's IT
 

KindaCool

You've got issues.
Joined
Nov 13, 2012
Messages
16,267
Location
Chicago
Hope I'm not hijacking Danielle's countdown, but her recent interview with Wendy is QUITE GOOD.

 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,904
Location
COMO UN G
This passage from the Vice article is somehow equally :D as it is :(

"My mother has been described in many ways. She's been called trash, garbage, a pig, an extortionist, a felon, a husband stealer.
She was even branded as a "prostitution whore." Imagine an irate woman flipping over a table as she screamed that name at my mother.
Actually, you don't have to imagine at all, because the scene lives on as one of the most iconic moments in reality television history. As for me, I don't need to be reminded. My little sister and I were there. We saw the table fly on our mother, we heard the expletives, we ran as fast as we could to try to catch up catch up as she was chased around the restaurant, and we heard her cries for help. We felt helpless and unable to defend her."


I also LOVE this beautiful illustration :disco:
growing-up-as-the-daughter-of-a-real-housewife-body-image-1455634538.jpg
 

jivafox

the sexiest thing is trust
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
24,339
Location
Twin Peaks
All I’ve ever wanted was a gif of Danielle going HAM with the glasses in the restaurant in Milan but one doesn’t seem to exist. :(
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,904
Location
COMO UN G
Did we know Caroline Manzo's iconic RED CLOWN HAIR is now grey? It genuinely shocked me when I saw it :D



Whilst I was a bit over her family shit by the time she left, I would like her to come back (although GOD KNOWS how she'd fit into the show these days :D ).
I'm amazed Albie has never come out as a homosexual also. I got THE VIBES!
 

Will

User
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
969
I just want to take a moment to mention Danielle's DOORTERS here. For somebody who appears somewhat unstable on screen, she really has two absolutely LOVELY children. I'd even go as far as to say they may be some of my favourite Housewives kids of all. They are polite, respectful, seem to really love each other, and are both BEAUTIFUL.

"They have no light behind their eyes"

:D
 

Will

User
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
969
Danielle is so unhinged that Dina's season 1 quote of "she wants to skin me and wear me like last season's Chanel" was probably far more accurate than she realised. :disco:
 
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
9,904
Location
COMO UN G
05: Beverley "Danielle" Staub - The Real Housewives of New Jersey PART 2

And so we arrive at season 2 of New Jersey. A LEGENDARY Housewives season by all accounts, and even more remarkable on account that forum fave DINA MANZO barely filmed anything and leaves by episode 7 (?) leaving a cast of just FOUR Housewives in play for the majority of the season.
The cast are emboldened by a duo of fun and frolics - Kim 'D' and Kim 'G' who are BOTH blonde, BOTH named Kim, BOTH a COMPLETE NIGHTMARE :D It's remarkable neither of them got bumped up to full-time cast considering how much of a role they play in the season, especially the permanently PARCHED Kim 'G' who you can see in the gif below.
tenor.gif


In ALL HONESTY, some parts of season 2 are a bit of a DRAG. There's a lot of family stuff from Caroline & Jacquline which just isn't relevant in these MODERN TIMES, and Danielle doesn't go on the cast trip to Venice - so the trip is low on iconic scenes as a result (IMAGINE Danielle terrorising the cast through the winding allies of Venice :D :disco: ) however if you stick to ALL OF DANIELLE's scenes, and any involving the two Kims and/or Teresa, alongside the few group scenes you're onto an absolute WINNER! :disco:

4f488a8a9bf36a7b3326bf145d109694.gif


So Danielle's situation after the season 1 reunion is: she's basically OSTRACISED from the group, and nobody will film with her. The Manzo sisters didn't properly own up to their involvement in spreading rumours about Danielle/THE BOOK mentioned in part 1, and Danielle has it out BIG TIME for them as a result - especially Dina.

Season 2 is essentially the story of Danielle's spiralling in a King Lear style MADNESS. She's convinced everybody in the cast is out to destroy her, she's double-crossed constantly by Kim 'D' and 'G' :D and the more the other cast members tell her to go away and leave them alone, the more she gets wound up and finds threats and malice in things that REALLY AREN'T THERE :D

giphy.gif


As a result of Danielle's lack of film partners, she springs a "friend" named Danny out of NOWHERE to be her "bodyguard"/filming partner :D
danny-480x275.png

It's widely believed Danny was in fact an actor hired by Danielle to help her enable to sign on for season 2, and I use the term "actor" very loosely. He's literally straight from the Joey Tribbiani school of acting which just enhances that he's clearly not a real-life friend of Danielle's even more :D Danny gets hastily dropped part way through the season after calling Caroline Manzo's son a homophobic slur (although I think he makes a random re-appearance to film with Danielle in the cast trip episodes).

Danielle's poor DOORTERS are also bumped up to a supporting role, acting as a silent, blinking sounding board to her rantings and grievances against the other women on many occasions.

One of my favourite early MOMENTS of season 2 is when Danielle goes to visit local fashion EMPORIUM of dreams POSCHE :D Posche is absolutely not POSH in the slightest. It's a grotty, dingy market stall of a shop owned by Kim 'D' that appears to be located on an INDUSTRIAL ESTATE. Anyway Danielle goes to visit for some reason and is semi-ignored by the receptionist (why Posche has a receptionist I'm not SURE).
Danielle takes being semi-ignored as a PERSONAL AFFRONT, and all hell breaks lose with Danielle declaring she will NEVER shop there again and speeds off in her rented white Range Rover :D
Sadly the scene isn't on youtube, but you can get a look inside of POSCHE in this beautifully shot youtube video featuring Kim 'D' herself :


tumblr_p4u4ni6pZe1ql5yr7o1_400.gifv


Posche helps set the scene for season 2's most iconic moment: the POSCHE fashion show Country Club hair-pull extravaganza :D

These episodes are absolute CHAOS! Now is a good point to mention fellow Housewife Jacquline's at-time 17 year old daughter Ashley :manson:

Whilst Danielle seems CONVINCED that the other women in the cast are all actively out to DESTROY HER (they aren't), Ashley is a VILE SPECIMEN who is probably tied with Tamra OC's son as my least favourite Housewives offspring of all. Ashley IS trying to terrorise Danielle, mainly via text and Facebook, seemingly all in the name of trying to get more screen time -
tumblr_m7xlzakwoJ1ql5yr7o1_500.gif


Back to the POSCHE FASHION SHOW, Danielle makes her GRAND ENTRANCE with Danny and Kim 'G' in tow, and is seated at a table in DIRECT EYESIGHT of the other women, who all pretty much ignore her :D This riles Danielle up, who uses her infamous PARIS HILTON PHONE TRICK to try and make herself look more popular :D
giphy.gif

giphy.gif


However ASHLEY, who is sat with the other Housewives, starts staring blankly at Danielle causing her to accuse Ashley of being a
giphy.gif


Later on in the evening, a VERY TRIGGERED Danielle stumbles across Teresa for what I think is their FIRST scene together in the whole season (!) Teresa and Danielle have a VERY TENSE and VERY QUOTABLE "chat" :D

giphy.gif

JaHd.gif

ab8c0ad264d3ec64127ab04ddc89dcb0.gif

teresa-guidice-paterson-country-club.gif

B5xI.gif


which then results in Danielle being CHASED through the Country Club and having the "hair" ripped from her head by Jacquline's VILE DAUGHTER Ashley, of which Danielle spends a good part of the rest of the season trying to press charges against. It's absolute INSANITY :D
u4xvJa.gif

Jg1r.gif

tumblr_momh60lIRq1ql5yr7o1_r1_400.gif

tumblr_inline_mnypq33tbk1qz4rgp.gif

tumblr_njgyahUIMO1seznd4o1_r2_500.gif

tumblr_n8nszd9t401ql5yr7o1_400.gif


You can watch this legendary scene of Housewives calamity in full here.



Alongside the table flip it really cemented New Jersey in the public consciousness at the time as the ruling Housewives franchise. New Jersey was initially the Housewives TOP DOG when aired, and Teresa was a genuine legit national celebrity - at least in the USA.

I've reached my GIF LIMIT so this will continue in another post...
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom