My top 32 favourite Real Housewives of ALL TIME: it's finally OVER!

KindaCool

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Loved your Top 3 hun!

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Well I GUESS the Grande DAME isn't held in GRANDE ESTEEM on MOOPY! I wonder if our next Housewife will whet more WHISTLES!

"Only GOD can judge ME, and he seems QUITE IMPRESSED!" :disco:

03 - Phaedra Parks - The Real Housewives of Atlanta PART 1
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Atlanta's disgraced master of many trades sails into the top 3 of this countdown as an absolute JOY to watch on-screen, and with a USP that not many housewives have - a lot of the appeal I find in Phaedra isn't the headline-grabbing storylines or the scene-stealing fights. For me the gold in Phaedra lies in the little things. The reactions, the shady remarks uttered under her breath, the plotting and the schemes.

Phaedra ranks considerably as one of the most-missed Housewives in the entire Housewives universe (possibly THE most-missed), but also absolutely one of the most deserved of her sacking.
She's to this day somewhat of an enigma, and a lot of her campy Housewives persona & screen time feels like some sort of bizarre FEVER DREAM in retrospect.
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Phaedra Parks, entertainment lawyer EXTRAORDINAIRE, joined Atlanta at the start of season 3. From the OFF Phaedra came across as QUITE the quirky character - if my memory serves me correctly her first scene was some sort of bizarre garden tea-party with Dwight. One of Phaedra's TRADEMARKS on Housewives are her BIZARRE EVENTS that take place throughout her run. She has a PENCHANT for "French aristocracy" themes, alongside themed events in general and they make up some of the more memorable settings on the show.

The season 3 BABY SHOWER is an obvious classic, that really started to inject Phaedra's particular brand of eccentricity into the Atlanta bloodstream.
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Organised by Dwight, the baby-shower served as a sort of GRANDE ENTRANCE onto the show for Phaedra (despite having already been in several episodes prior) with Phaedra front and centre of ALL the festivities, including masses of interpretive dance, a very confused looking Kim and if you look closely a rather MANIC Lisa Wu cameo :D


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Several other of these events followed in a similar style including the one where her child is carried in like he is actually JESUS, her naughty-or-nice Christmas party, the flop pool party that only Shereé bothers to attend, and my personal favourite: her WHITE HOUSE themed Christening which spawned the immortal line "I want red white and blue CHAMPAGNE, I want a presidential themed FLASH-MOB!" :D
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and whilst not a group event, Phaedra's PICKLE THEMED PHOTO SHOOT remains one of my all-time favourite Housewives scenes, and a total total WTF moment :D

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"Phaedra, you went and visited the lot - what did you see?"
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It goes without saying Phaedra is one of the shadiest Housewives that has EVER been on the show. I'd go as far as to say - along with Nene - possibly THE SHADIEST of ALL TIME!

I can't even START to quote Phaedra's best lines, as they just ROLL OUT OF HER in every single confessional. Phaedra's shade isn't just her WORDS. She's the master of shady body language - especially at reunions - and dirty looks. When she's on form, which is 99% of the time she's on the show, it's absolute shady poetry in motion.
I've seen some pushback online that Phaedra had some of her reads written for her (especially for reunions), but personally I have absolutely NO ISSUE with this. Shade is all about the delivery, along with the content, and Phaedra's delivery is always absolutely PITCH PERFECT.
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PLEASE feel free to quote your favourite Phaedra lines ad infinity, and enjoy the THREE PART Phaedra dragging everybody video selection for you enjoyment and inspiration :disco:




Pheadra's BEST KNOWN read is her season 6 pizza read that is aimed entirely at Kenya Moore. Shall we RECAP:

“While she sitting around, running around talking about my husband and the father of my children, she spends her weekends peddling through sperm banks looking through catalogs to try to find a donor. You don’t know if your baby daddy will be an ax murderer or a child molester. What you will know is that he needed $10 to get him a medium-size pizza so he ejaculated in a cup so you could have a kid. Now check that!” <TURNS AWAY>




This actually ISN'T one of my favourite Phaedra moments as it's just TOO REHEARSED for me, however as part of her LEGEND there's no way I could leave it out - and lets be real it's extremely :D :D :D :D rehearsed or NOT!

Continued below...
 
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03 - Phaedra Parks - The Real Housewives of Atlanta PART 2

TALKING of Kenya Moore
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"That RENT-ley driving, no man HAVING, HARLOT in Atlanta - also known as Kenya "WHORE" Moore...yes, Moore Whore" :D

The Phaedra vs Kenya feud is one of the most entertaining of ALL FRANCHISES for me. It's ludicrous and campy - yet also quite SERIOUS in that Kenya seemed to be genuinely trying to STEAL Phaedra's man, at least for TV purposes.
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But let's not forget how this feud started out - with the battle of the workout videos :D



Phaedra and Apollo were a BIZARRE enough relationship in itself, often seeming, more like Apollo being hired as a piece of ARM CANDY for Phaedra than an all-in husband. You can get a recap of the Phaedra - Apollo - Kenya drama here, and for a love triangle that ran over multiple seasons it never really got BORING for me.



There's just TOO MUCH for me to get in to in regards to the above, but just type in Kenya vs Phaedra into youtube for HUNDREDS of clips videos covering it all, including the time Phaedra threw shade at Kenya's DEAD DOG! :D



"Velvet was her friend...it was probably one her only GOOD FRIENDS!" :D :eyes:
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TALKING of DEATH, Phaedra unexpectedly announces that she is going to become a MORTICIAN at the season 3 (?) reunion, and starts a truly odd sub-storyline about opening her own FUNERAL PARLOUR from that moment onwards.
Phaedra is often called CROOKED PHAEDRA on here, and with good reason. She always has some sort of SCHEME up her SLEEVE, and I still don't really understand a lot of what she was all about :D
My favourite Phaedra business? The "Phaedra SPARKS stun gun" that plopped up for ONE SCENE in season 4 and was never heard of ever again :D

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Underrated Phaedra scene before we move onto THE DEMISE?
Just before they go on the South Africa trip in season 4, Phaedra randomly calls her close personal friend the President of ZIMBABWE (!) to inform them she is soon to be in SOUTH AFRICA (a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT COUNTRY, thousands of miles away :D). It's never mentioned again, nor does the President of Zimbabwe turn up on the trip. truly quite BIZARRE!
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The demise of Phaedra was delicious and devastating in equal measure. Season 10 reunion ASIDE the show still feels like it hasn't QUITE recovered from the HOLE she has left in the cast, yet bringing her back would be quite wrong.

Season 9 was the season of Phaedra's execution, but incredibly it didn't really COME UP until the final reunion episode. Phaedra really gets off SCOT FREE for most of the season, before the Shakespearian crescendo of TURMOIL and PAIN absolutely tumbles around her at the reunion. If you DON'T KNOW, Phaedra spread lies of the BAD KIND (ie. she accused Kandi of RAPE!) all around town, and it finally came out on camera:


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I was going to write my HOT TAKE on this, but @Will already did it for me earlier in the thread :D
What Phaedra did was wrong, obviously. I don't think she deserves all the blame, however. It was a (now sacked) producer whispering in her ear, telling her the rumour, and suggesting she run with it. She shouldn't have. But if you're being hired by a production company to make a salacious TV show, and one of the producers tells you to do something in order to make a storyline for that show, you're gonna be pretty conflicted about what to do. These women are always reminded that they need to be bringing something to the table, in order for them to stay on the show.

The production company planted the seed and watched it grow, and allowed Phaedra (who did make a bad judgement call, yes) to take all the blame so their backs were covered.

Based on that version of events, which I believe, I do think a Phaedra return isn't out of the question. Though obviously not while Kandi is still around.


There is so much more I can say about Phaedra, but to prevent another Danielle Staub style epic for myself I'm going to leave it here.
A Housewives icon in the extreme, and one I'd love to return as unlikely as that may be. The show is lacking without her, and I truly believe she was a key component to Atlanta's previously sky-high ratings despite never really being front and centre.

My shady queen.
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NEXT!
 
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jivafox

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"Velvet was her friend...it was probably one of her only GOOD FRIENDS!"

One of my absolute FAVOURITE MOMENTS. The way she delivers the line, almost under her breath. Phaedra was unbeatable for that.

And the Nene age SHADE.

"She's older than me."
"JUST A FEW YEARSSSS"
"Well. We won't go there..."
"We CAN."
"She's older than my oldest brother..."
"I'm 43 to be exact."
"Hmm...."
"I'm 43. In fact I just turned 43."
"Ok well congratulations HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
 
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EVERYTHING about how delivers her lines is EVERYTHING :D I love her so much.

Another favourite is JUST AFTER Kenya delivers her initial "I'm gone with the wind fabulous" moment in the silk gown, Phaedra immediately chips in under her breath with "WELL FANCY THAT" :D :disco:
 

Phoenix

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I used to like Phaedra a lot (even to the end of that fateful season) but what she did really left her no way to come back.

My favorite was her trying to lie about her due date during Kandi’s brunch.
 

Frozen

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God I adored Phaedra when she was on the show. I’d love to see a return (though it’ll never happen) someday. She was as funny as Nene but without the supersized ego. Her teaching Kim Fields how to read Kenya was hilarious


Unfortunately a combo of the demise of her marriage and breakdown in her friendship with Kandi led to the date rape accusations that got her fired. And with 4 of the then cast members still on the show, there’s no way she’ll be asked back.

I know it’s not what we mostly watch HW for but I found this moment with her son quite touching
 
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I know it’s not what we mostly watch HW for but I found this moment with her son quite touching


YES! I meant to mention that despite her campy/shady persona, Phaedra was surprisingly good at the serious stuff also and not in a BORING WAY.
She was always pulled in as the official talking head for any social/historical narration scene, and despite her reputation being in TATTERS and her underhand business dealings, she is clearly one of the more intelligent Housewives ever to have been cast.
 

VoR

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Now Pheadra I've heard of because she was a Kathy Griffin fave back in that period when Kathy Griffin's entire comedy act devolved into a shameless extended promotional campaign for the Housewives Franchises. I presume this is why she now hates Andy Cohen. It got very tiresome and basically killed her TV career I feel, before the whole beheading Trump thing put the final nail in the coffin. :D

That said, she did make Phaedra sound like a riot. Is there really a scene where she says "Your Honour, my client be innocent" in court or was that just a RACIST MOMENT from Griffin?
 

Suedey

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One of my absolute FAVOURITE MOMENTS. The way she delivers the line, almost under her breath. Phaedra was unbeatable for that.

And the Nene age SHADE.

"She's older than me."
"JUST A FEW YEARSSSS"
"Well. We won't go there..."
"We CAN."
"She's older than my oldest brother..."
"I'm 43 to be exact."
"Hmm...."
"I'm 43. In fact I just turned 43."
"Ok well congratulations HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
An exchange that is more iconic than ENTIRE CAREERS :disco:
 

Lucille

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So are we to ASSUME this is now a Lydia/Countess top 2? Are there any other potential top tier wives I'm not thinking of???
 
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So are we to ASSUME this is now a Lydia/Countess top 2? Are there any other potential top tier wives I'm not thinking of???

I couldn't possibly comment, but due to a MATHEMATICAL ERROR please don't forget that the top 3 is actually a TOP 4 :D :eyes:

I DO intend to finish this btw! I've just been a bit Housewives-exhausted/Eurovision PIVOTED over the past few weeks :eyes:
 
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ALMOST THERE GIRLS!

=3: Kenya Moore - Real Housewives of Atlanta PART 1
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And so we arrive at a Housewife I'm absolutely confident I could do their write up in GIF FORM ONLY, and absolutely one of the most dominant and divisive Housewives of ALL Housewives. Ms Kenya Moore, former Miss USA 1993 (an honour she will NEVER let you forget!)
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Her crowning moment is actually QUITE LOVELY, especially as it ended up defining most of the rest of her ENTIRE LIFE:


Kenya is one of those Housewives who just has SO MUCH to write about, and has caused SO MUCH drama it's really impossible for me to cover it all in anything less than a novel - so please excuse me if I miss out several key moments as there really, honestly is not the space. Virtually every single scene Kenya is part of ends up revolving around her, or drama caused BY her - and the shade, clapbacks and one-liners are just so voluminous it's QUITE THE CHALLENGE trying to document them all.

To this day Kenya is an absolute marmite figure within the fanbase - she's either ADORED as the ultimate reality TV messy icon who frankly takes a lot of the responsibility for keeping Atlanta GOING since Nene checked out....or she's HATED for basically the exact same reasons :D
There's very little middle ground within the fanbase when it comes to Kenya, and I'm obviously on #TEAMTWIRL as a total ride or die.

That's not to say that being a fan of Kenya isn't difficult. She can be quite problematic, apparently often unintentionally :eyes:, but I'm unable to defend her semi-regular slip ups so I'm not going to try - just LAST WEEK she wore a Native American headdress through an entire episode. But as a Housewives villain I'd say she is matched by only our beloved Danielle Staub, and Kenya has at least an iota of WARMTH which lets her stand aside from Danielle's rather psychotic TV persona :eyes:

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Shall we start at the (Housewives) beginning..?
Kenya entered Atlanta at the start of season 5. A pivotal and somewhat rocky time for the Atlanta franchise. The show's three biggest stars of the first five seasons were:
Nene - pursuing an acting career off and on-screen. Not TOTALLY checked out yet, but an unreliable lead for the franchise at that point.
Kim - TOTALLY checked out. Would only film in her own HOUSE. Left the show mid-way through a group scene early in the season.
Sheree - FIRED!

The show needed fresh blood, and not just a quick patch around the core cast - the show actively needed a new star to replace the RATHER LARGE HOLE that had emerged in the biggest show in reality TV due to the above. Step forward actress, producer and pageant title holder Ms Kenya Moore (and also Porsha who basically does nothing for the whole of season 5 lol)
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Kenya in season 5 is just an absolute TOUR DE FORCE. So much so it's known as 'the arrival of hurricane Kenya' within the fanbase.
NEVER EVER has a single cast member dominated a season in the way Kenya did in season 5, and despite strong attempts since (recently Leah in NYC and Tiffany in Dallas are good examples) I don't think we'll EVER see anybody match the dominance of Kenya like we did in season 5. The season might as well be called RHoA: THE KENYA MOORE SEASON :D Thankfully however, unlike other domineering figures (SOGGY FLICKER!), Kenya was, and still is, an absolute scream to watch.

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Kenya was initially cast as what I call a 'chaos Housewife'. She was copy and pasted into the cast with the sole intent of causing drama. Usually this genre of Housewife burns bright and fast, but our Kenya has STAYING POWER.

Kenya has a reasonable CV as an actress pre-show - she was in Girlfriends, Whitney's Waiting To Exhale, and various other not-too embarrassing films before joining Atlanta, and her acting past REALLY SHOWS - especially in her early years. From day 1 Kenya has treated the show like an extended Kenya Moore biopic rather than an ensemble cast, and Twirl is ALWAYS the star. One of her first scenes was judging a modelling contest for Cynthia, and Kenya acts honestly quite disgracefully, but ultimately ensuring that ALL FOCUS is on herself - and it worked. Kenya is not a team player, nor does she particularly care for cast alliances - unless they particularly benefit her.

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In season 5 Kenya brings more storylines than most Housewives bring in ENTIRE CAREERS. It's actually a little exhausting :D She brings you:
- A long-forgotten CANCER SCARE storyline that lasts about three episodes (!)
- The beginnings of her epic story-arc with Phaedra, initially starting as FRIENDS perversely enough. Season 5 is the one with their infamous donkey-booty workout DVD FEUD!
- The weird and CLEARLY fake boyfriend that she brings on the cast trip that she has zero chemistry with, and all the rest of the cast are convinced is gay :D
- Various introductions to family DEMONS
- Similarly we get the start of the ludicrous, never ending mess that is her feud with Porsha, cumulating in the iconic 'gone with the wind fabulous' scene seen above in GIF FORM:


this scene also inspired a purely FOR THE GAYS ONLY single featuring Shangela :D :


and yes it had a live performance on WWHL :D I actually think this is the correct side of weird to be really quite camp :D:


PHEW that is A LOT for a debut season. A LOT!
Kenya continues this dominance into season 6, where she does take a (very) slight back seat compared to season 5 - but still brings ANOTHER fake boyfriend (her "African sweet" :D) and a sperm-bank based baby-chasing storyline that resulted in Pheadra's epic read mentioned in Phaedra's above write up.
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=03: Kenya Moore - Real Housewives of Atlanta PART 2

I'm going to quickly rattle through a few cast relationships now, as this is already really QUITE LONG:

PORSHA
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The Porsha vs Kenya feud seemed to start from day 1, and from what I can tell it really seemed to have NO REAL BASIS. It honestly seems to have stemmed from Porsha getting Kenya's title wrong, and having the temperate TOO COLD at an extremely lacklustre event :D I'm sure this was all engineered by Kenya to pick off the weakest in the pack from the off to make good TV, and secure her place on the show - and hey it worked. 8 seasons on and Kenya and Porsha are STILL feuding!

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Whilst Porsha has certainly grown a lot since season 5, she's not really one I can root for in the same way as Kenya - she's just a bit THICK and really just not that FABULOUS. Porsha did get this good line in however after the above-mentioned season 5 event:
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The apex of their feud OF COURSE is the reunion scuffle of season 6, which basically saw Kenya goad Porsha via megaphone into getting physical with her. It was quite the scene, but also one the franchise seems eager to try and forget - it's seemingly not referenced by the show any longer. Why do a write up when I can just plonk the GIFs :D :
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Porsha was briefly demoted for season 7 after that. It's probably important to say also that Kenya was entirely provoking all of the above :D

Another of my small favourite Porsha vs Kenya moments is at the send of season 5 when Kenya throws a fancy dress party, and kicks Porsha out of the party for not being dressed as Halle Berry in BAPS :D It spawned the underrated line that always makes me lol "She's here, she's Dorothy Dandrige, let her stay!" :D / :eyes:

Nene:

When Nene and Kenya are in frenemy mode, they are amazing to watch. Whether Nene likes it or not the pair have CHEMISTRY together - and at one point Kenya wasn't at all shy about blowing smoke up Nene's arse to try and form a relationship between them. Inevitably their time as frenemies soon became quite bitter enemies, which I think is a real shame for the show. If they'd managed to keep their sparring going, and kept it cute, it would have been such an invincible lightning rod for the show to tap into.

Couple of favourite Nene & Kenya scenes? The one where Kenya throws a charity event in Nene's name, FORCES Nene to attend, and Nene does a 20 word speech absolutely FUMING she's even involved. And OF COURSE one of the greatest Housewives scenes of all:


"It has a WHITE REFRIGERATOR"

I also have to mention the BONKERS season 6 hotel-based pyjama party scene, where Nene is clearly coked-up, the men all have a scrap without tops on and this happens:
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:D

Again, another scene seemingly forgotten by the show, probably due to the violence in it.

PHAEDRA:
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SHEREE:
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God the season 9 MOORE MANOR vs CHATEU SHEREE feud is one of the campest of all, and I wish they'd have leaned on it even more than they did. From what we got of it, it was DELICIOUS!

Kenya's allies in the cast are generally Kandi and Cynthia - but that often feels out of convenience to keep her on the show, but it is good to see a softer side to such a huge and often harsh character. Kenya isn't afraid to show genuine vulnerability - be it from being abandoned and disowned by her mother, or her frankly quite worrying inferred domestic violence storyline in season 9. These moments give her depth, and offer a few explanations as to who she is, and why her nature is so spiky and independent.

I'm going to leave it there, but I really could go on for a lot longer with Kenya. I've barely even mentioned her incredible reunion performances.
Instead enjoy this, one of the greatest videos known to the internet:


"MARLO? BROKE There are episodes where she has HOLES in her SHOES. You can see the sole FLOPPING AROUND" :D :disco:

Kenya remains one of the most BEAUTIFUL Housewives of all, and she frequently can take my breath AWAY especially in confessionals.
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And she's still bringing the drama and the moments to this day. Atlanta would be running on FUMES without her right now. Who could forget when she crashed Marlo's WIG LINE event with a marching band :D KENYA MOORE HAIR CARE! :disco:



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LOVE YOU KENYA!

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Phoenix

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I think the problem with Kenya is that she’s a deeply unhappy person. I mean Marlo said it, when your own mother doesn’t fuck with you (which is awful but kinda true).

I was watching this week’s episode and she’s like a dark cloud that rolls into every group activity.

She’s an iconic villain but I really don’t like her.
 

Will

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For the majority of her tenure, I've not been a fan of Kenya at all. I think it's perhaps because she always seemed to be going after my fave in any given season (mostly Phaedra, up until she left), and she always managed to take it that little bit too far for the sake of causing drama TV.

But then that's probably also why I've come round to her recently. The realisation that she's been essential to the show all this time. And I do look back over her reign (or attempted reign, if you asked any of her castmates) a hell of a lot more fondly now. I think in that sense, she's always been one step ahead of the viewer, and continues to be so today. In this season for example, as it was unfolding, I was very put off by her interrogating the other women about what happened on Cynthia's bachelorette party. But a few episodes later - thank fuck she did, as what else would we have been watching? She's not just a castmate, she's an unappointed producer. And clearly a screenwriter for the next few episodes while she's filming each one. :disco:
 

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