My top 32 favourite Real Housewives of ALL TIME: room for MORE?

I’m still trying to finish NYC! 1 and half seasons left, although I’ve skipped 5 and 6.
 
Lucille said:
I’m still trying to finish NYC! 1 and half seasons left, although I’ve skipped 5 and 6.
Click to expand...

Melbourne next. A short sharp 4 seasons of 10 episodes!

And QUEEN GINA.

1cce5a45cc69c577a1ccb12e89e44900.gif


tumblr_nvuy2muIgB1ql5yr7o3_250.gifv
 
I really couldn’t think about watching any of these shows but I’ve sunk a good hour into these lovingly crafted write-ups, BRAVA!

the thing that really took me somewhere was Gilda’s “Not a fucking thing” and while that loony woman was telling her how real she was, looking utterly deadpan until hearing she was writing “how to be real” and the eyebrow raiser by a half millimetre with a *ding* :D
 
Diddy said:
I really couldn’t think about watching any of these shows but I’ve sunk a good hour into these lovingly crafted write-ups, BRAVA!

the thing that really took me somewhere was Gilda’s “Not a fucking thing” and while that loony woman was telling her how real she was, looking utterly deadpan until hearing she was writing “how to be real” and the eyebrow raiser by a half millimetre with a *ding* :D
Click to expand...

Aw thanks, that's incredibly kind.

To be honest, I think everybody starts off thinking "I DON'T WATCH REAL HOUSEWIVES", and then somewhere along the line somebody starts showing you clips...and before you know it you are writing endlessly long write ups about ridiculous women who were on TV for 10 episodes (in New Zealand only) to a bunch of gays you don't even KNOW! :redface:o_O O_o o.O O.o

I would also suggest seeking out the Gilda clips in high-res - the POTATO QUALITY of the youtube clip I posted really downplays their impact :D
 
Phoenix said:
Season 5 of BH is probably my favorite of the series. The limo ride with Rinna and Kim is a classic.



How are you?
Ornery
:square:
Click to expand...


OMG I've only just realised through the wonders of google ORNERY is an actual legit word!
I've thought for ages this scene was just Kim GARBLING something like "Oh I'm ok"

Apparently it means "bad-tempered or difficult to deal with." :D

Dictionary queen Kim! :disco:
 
Last edited:
I still can't believe that nouveau riche bitch from Auckland called Michelle a "boat n*****" LOL like wtf. It was so fucking brazen.
 
KindaCool said:
I heard from multiple people that Gilda was actually extremely cool in real life.

And my brother worked at the pharmacy where Michelle Blanchard went :D He wouldn't tell me what she buys.
Click to expand...

I'm HOPING and assuming this means a combination of Gilda's COOL AND UTTERLY UNBOTHERED persona, and generally being a cool person to be around :disco:

I forgot to mention Gilda followed up her Housewives HOME RUN with a glittering appearance on Dancing With The Stars NZ :disco:
Dawn Ward WISHES Strictly would come calling :eyes:

There's an interview about it here that I haven't bothered to watch.
If anybody can be arsed DO LET ME KNOW if she bothers to move her facial expression more than once during the entirety :D

 
Girls, I feel it may be time to take our first stop-off in MELBOURNE! :disco:

20: Janet Roach - Real Housewives of Melbourne
tenor.gif

tumblr_o7jelmoxJo1qefwl8o1_500.gifv


I DO FEEL SORRY for our American friends. Apparently Melbourne is almost impossible to watch Stateside on account of Bravo being UNWILLING to show it, and the Australian TV network blocking most illegal links. I'm sure Bravo's issues stem from them not wanting the Aussie ladies UPSTAGING their homegrown franchises :eyes:

As many have already mentioned, Melbourne is TOP TIER Housewives. It's currently 4 seasons deep (with a fifth EVENTUALLY on it's way), and it's really a non-stop, frequently SHAKESPEARIAN tour-de-force in incredible reality TV.

At the beating heart of the best Housewives franchises there is always a FRENEMY dynamic bubbling away - Gizelle vs Karen in Potomac, Nene vs Kim/Kenya in Atlanta, Ramona vs Bethenny/Dorinda/EVERYBODY in New York - and Melbourne is no stranger to this concept.
The over-arching storyline in Melbourne is the constant battle of two camps in the show - one lead by the "fucking queen" Gina Liano, the other lead by human lizardwoman JANET ROACH!

2af79678e68d0dafe7d6c948a051f56d.gif


Janet is a Melbourne legend, and a mainstay of the franchise - having been in from the VERY BEGINNING.
To be frank, she's frequently a VILE shit-stirrer, who despite her unspecified AGE and vast wealth frequently acts like a bitchy high school girl :D Oh, and she HATES HATES HATES fellow OG cast member, the DUMB FAT BITCH Lydia :D (of whom we are of course ASKING A QUESTION!)

lydiot2.gif


As mentioned, her and Gina shoulder the franchise - although often quite subtly.
The best thing about their relationship is that they are genuinely (sort of) friends underneath it all, and 100% get that being on Housewives is to play a role. Like Potomac, their fights are often CAMP and RIDICULOUS - but never overly personal. They even admitted at one of the reunions that they have too much begrudging respect for each ever to really get into it TOO DEEP.

giphy.gif


The reason that Janet falls JUST OUTSIDE the top 20 on this countdown, is because unlike Gina's dry and witty barbs - Janet is often just PLAIN VULGAR and below the belt :D

I don't like to TEAR DOWN WOMEN'S APPEARANCES, but in the same breath I feel like mentioning Janet's is essential to a write up of her.
As mentioned, Janet's age is a MEDICAL MYSTERY - but i'm lead to believe it's probably closer to 70 than 50 :D
She reminds me of the very end of Death Becomes Her where Goldie and Meryl are PATCHING EACH OTHER UP WITH PAINT and falling apart at the seams :D To be fair - Janet would probably be the first to admit all this herself, she's very self-aware and self-deprecating but I do think she should perhaps GO EASY on the surgery a little bit.

tumblr_nlxkzwtuce1qbw8npo2_250.gifv

giphy-41.gif


Janet is a bit of a master-manipulator on the show, often sowing the seeds and letting whoever her current minion is (usually Jackie or later Gamble) RUN OFF and do her dirty work for her, generally letting Janet sit back and watch the mess whilst giving very good talking head.

Her most famous moment is probably her LUDICROUS "Evvvverrrrrybody in Melbourne" fight with Gamble in season 2, that at some point had Gamble scream back at her something along the lines of "WELL I HEARD YOU FUCK RICH GUYS FOR HEROIN!" :D
6ec34c40-b491-0132-9a56-0e01949ad350.gif

4E1x.gif

6ec31820-b491-0132-46b2-0e9062a7590a.gif


I also absolutely CANNOT write up Janet without mentioning her DRINKING. The woman must be PICKLED!
Never one to turn down a glass of champagne, or WHATEVER IS FLOWING FREE - it all comes to a head in season 4 during a trip to Mexico where Janet has an off camera overnight TUMBLE of sorts (it's never really properly explained) having drunk far too much tequila, where she smashes her entire face in.
tenor.gif


HORRIBLE yes, but the way it plays out on camera afterwards, and how Janet just CONTINUES DRINKING and acts like nothing is wrong despite her head having swollen up like a BALLOON is hilarious to watch.

Final Janet thought, my other favourite line is when she quips back at Gina having just declared she is "the fucking queen" with "GO DROWN IN THE POOL!" :D and who can forget when Janet stole Gina's present for Venus' child at a baby shower, ripped the card off and presented it with no remorse as HER OWN GIFT :D

There's a well done Janet best-off video here, which is well worth a watch as it features all the ESSENTIALS - and I FULLY WELCOME AND ENDORSE your own favourite Janet lines and gifs, there are SO MANY!


BYE JANET!

tumblr_o7ns94opA41vrjwbvo1_400.gif


So I've somehow covered about 15 Housewives and one house-husband in the first 10 slots, WHO KNOWS WHERE WE ARE HEADED NEXT..? (spoiler: back to the States :D ) :disco:
 
Last edited:
Ah Janet, she looks more and more like Voldermot with every season.

I find Melbourne overrated, it’s the best of the international franchises but it’s the equivalent of Dallas or current day NJ (I will save my thoughts on Gina to when her inevitable entry is posted).

Janet’s best moment will always be “I’m asking you a question you dumb fat bitch”
 
jivafox said:
I absolutely HATED Janet for the entire run because of my blind love for Queen Gina, but I’ve grown to love her after a recent rewatch.
Click to expand...

I think this is QUITE COMMON behaviour with the Melbourne ladies - Gina is so BLINDING on first watch, you need to go back and REASSESS the other on second watch, hence Pettifleur and Lydia becoming belated mild INTERNET LEGENDS once the dust has settled :disco:
 
A lot of queens online (well on REDDIT :eyes:) say that Janet is the REAL queen of Melbourne. I guess that's true in terms of numbers - but Gina/Lydia is ALWAYS the real power duo no matter how many psychic JACKIES you throw at them :disco:
 
wurst said:
A lot of queens online (well on REDDIT :eyes:) say that Janet is the REAL queen of Melbourne. I guess that's true in terms of numbers - but Gina/Lydia is ALWAYS the real power duo no matter how many psychic JACKIES you throw at them :disco:
Click to expand...
I dunno. On first watch I've already fallen head over heels with Janet.

"EEEEVVVVVVRYYYYYYBOOOODY"
 
I would love one season of Melbourne where it's Gina and Janet teaming up as the power duo. They would be untouchable.

And tbh I'm surprised Janet hasn't already attempted this in order to [Gina]gain more followers[/Gina].
 
omg DEMAND! WHO KNEW :D

Truth be told. the next LUCKY LADY in the countdown is quite a MAJOR FIGURE and it's quite difficult to know where to START with her write up...so I think we're going to have a SLIGHT DETOUR into one of my LEAST FAVOURITE Housewives first to buy me some time :disco: (dw Phoenix, she's not from Melbourne :disco:)

So whilst you await that, I'm pleased to announce I've discovered a gif of Shereé's infamous WIG PULL :disco:

BDQY.gif


In even further Shereé news - she just popped up in the new GREYSON PERRY DOCUMENTARY, that's currently streaming on 4OD! Queen of culture!
There really is SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT SHEREÉ :D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Back
Top Bottom