Speculate wildly about Loreen

[Penelope]

Following in the mode of the WILDLY SUCCESSFUL ENYA thread

 

[COB]

She's had drugs before.

 

[Penelope]

She's had drugs before.

Before BREAKFAST

 

[Lucille]

Killed Shergar.

 

[Kratz]

Had a bit of work done

 

[GNL]

Her real name is Lauren. She chose her stage name as an homage to her favourite low fat malt loaf.

 

[GinAg (39)]

She was one of the little known Founding Mothers.

 

[Tisch]

She's currently coming third in her friend's group Fantasy Football league.

 

[GNL]

Her nails are handy for hanging onto tree branches but make walking on the ground awkward.

 

[Tisch]

She winds down of an evening by watching Eastern European car crash videos

 

[GNL]

She has a large and efficient multi-chambered stomach that helps with digesting tough, fibrous leaves.

 

[Penelope]

She has a large and efficient multi-chambered stomach that helps with digesting tough, fibrous leaves.

That is LA ZARRA

 

[ButterTart]

Loreen suffered a collapsed from her strenuous routine for Eurovision 2012. She cites this as the reason she took a decade of bed rest immediately afterwards.

 

[Lucille]

Has apples where her knees should be.

 

[Kratz]

Like fellow star Ms Blanka, she refuses to cross water

 

[Lucille]

Use’s the term “that’s bourgeois” a lot even when it doesn’t make much sense.

“Can you put the telly on Loreen?’

“No that’s bourgeois”

“Loreen you should tie your shoelaces they’re undone”

“No that’s bourgeois”

“Loreen you need to get out of bed”

“No that’s bourgeois”

 

[jyxz]

Was once in a throuple with L’Wren Scott and Lorraine Kelly.

 

[Penelope]

Once called the police to report a mass shooting, but they couldn't follow up on the call because of her lack of enunciation and insistence on ad libs during

 

[Lucille]

Would run a Gay Bungalow Complex like it’s the Royal Navy.

 

[Penelope]

Would run a Gay Bungalow Complex like it’s the Royal Navy.

Again, LA ZARRA

HOW MANY TIMES

 

[Penelope]

After six weeks of trying to get interested in the topic, Loreen has decided she in fact does not care for the wetlands and will work to undermine their wellbeing going forward.

 

[GinAg (39)]

After six weeks of trying to get interested in the topic, Loreen has decided she in fact does not care for the wetlands and will work to undermine their wellbeing going forward.

In fact she recently proposed that HS2 line be rerouted through Norfolk, with the hope of destroying the Norfolk Broads.

"Fuck the Broads, it's just a bunch of gnats and cunts on narrow boats" she said on record

 

[Lucille]

She did reportedly say that she’d let Kärijää “destroy her wetlands” however.

 

[Penelope]

Oh who HASN'T

 

[Velvet Skies]

Will be making history today

 

[COB]

Alternatively: will be cementing her position as the new Charlotte Perrelli today

 

[COB]

(But preferably NOT!)

 

[GNL]

She's not pitchy, her vocal cords are just VERY RELAXED.

 

[octophone]

She'll come 2nd and you lot will have a collective PROLAPSE.

 

[Lucille]

Ban please.

 

[OutSynk]

She'll come 2nd and you lot will have a collective PROLAPSE.

And this would differ how from the past 3 months?