Do you ever worry about dying?

VoR said:
Is that such a terrible thing, though? I find something quite comforting about the idea of moving through life without leaving behind too much baggage. As long as I have a few close friends while I'm here I think that's good enough for me.
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Oh no, I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all! I feel similarly to you.
 
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VoR said:
Is that such a terrible thing, though? I find something quite comforting about the idea of moving through life without leaving behind too much baggage. As long as I have a few close friends while I'm here I think that's good enough for me.
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But why shouldn't it be a terrible thing? Everyone has clearly very different views on what they value their life as and that's OK. I would be devastated to think that no-one would care if I died - it would just make everything feel so worthless.

Not that I think noone would care if dUb died. At all!!

But I have the same feeling as him about that too.
 
Well ignore that - he doesn't think it's a terrible thing at all. :D
 
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big ron said:
What do you want to achieve? Its a question I’ve been asking lately after a bit of a minor meltdown earlier this year.
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I think I just want to own my home. Ideally in the quietest place I can find. Also settle down into a comfortable teaching job, I can work at until I retire.

I want to see far more of the world. As someone with a comparatively international outlook I've seen relatively little.

I think I've done enough groundwork to achieve these goals, but I know there's a potential time limit.
 
cwej said:
But why shouldn't it be a terrible thing? Everyone has clearly very different views on what they value their life as and that's OK. I would be devastated to think that no-one would care if I died - it would just make everything feel so worthless.

Not that I think noone would care if dUb died. At all!!

But I have the same feeling as him about that too.
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I wasn't criticising dUb (or anyone) for feeling that way at all! I was just offering an alternative perspective. I think most people to some degree feel the way you do.
 
VoR said:
I wasn't criticising dUb (or anyone) for feeling that way at all! I was just offering an alternative perspective. I think most people to some degree feel the way you do.
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I didn't mean you were criticising him at all. I too was offering an alternative perspective.
 
cwej said:
Well ignore that - he doesn't think it's a terrible thing at all. :D
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Ha! Sorry yeah I’m not saying nobody would care or anything like that, but I suppose I’m thinking comparatively versus my sisters with their husbands and kids, or my parents.

I feel like you could just kind of RUB ME OUT and generally things would carry on more or less as they were. It doesn’t bother me, and actually if I did have a partner/dependent I’d feel the burden of potentially causing such upset at some point in the future so I’m content enough as it is
 
COB said:
This definitely resonates with me, I've always tried to measure success by "am I happy?" before other concerns.
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Yes, and it's definitely not something I would always immediately answer 'yes' to with absolute, unerring certainty, but apart from when my mental health has really been poor, on the whole I think I have a baseline of knowing it.

Obviously we all have our own needs, longings and desires. A big one for me in terms of not missing out is that I've never wanted children - although sometimes I do wonder if I'd not had my teenage years in the 80s under Thatcher, AIDS and Section 28 that may be different. But really, I've been loved (be that parental, platonic or romantic) all my life. I've loved romantically and platonically. I've had some fantastic experiences along the way. I know I've made a difference in what I do professionally, as much as sometimes I berate myself for lack of professional ambition. I've been incredibly fortunate on a practical level with things like housing and finances. It's all kind of enough for me. Most of the time.
 
I'm quite glad I found Mr Ag when I did and that we've stuck together. We survived one of the most difficult things to happen to a relationship and are probably stronger for it as we enter our tenth year. I doubt we'll ever split up. I think our relationship is now a defining feature of my past, present and future.

I have always felt compelled to be in a relationship. Independence is nice, but I like company and the care you get from being in a relationship.

That's entirely me though. I have full admiration for anyone able to thrive independently. I actively would like to be remembered after I'm gone, even in a small way. I think I fear dying alone.
 
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dUb said:
Ha! Sorry yeah I’m not saying nobody would care or anything like that, but I suppose I’m thinking comparatively versus my sisters with their husbands and kids, or my parents.

I feel like you could just kind of RUB ME OUT and generally things would carry on more or less as they were. It doesn’t bother me, and actually if I did have a partner/dependent I’d feel the burden of potentially causing such upset at some point in the future so I’m content enough as it is
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I WANT the world to be devastated. :D But realistically only my blood family would be - no-one has chosen to be that close to me to be devastated.

Cue a few cries of that's not true at all, but really I don't need to hear that, so please don't reply with anything like that. Just getting the depression out of my system through the medium of self-pity. :D
 
I'd quite like a few people to be upset for a while.

But I find greater comfort in thinking that ultimately it will make little difference and things will go on as before.
 
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Being dead used to irrationally put the fear into me. I hate the thought of not being able to experience all life has to offer, and continue to learn everything I can.

I've made my peace with that a bit. Just concentrate on now.
 
Ag said:
I think I just want to own my home. Ideally in the quietest place I can find. Also settle down into a comfortable teaching job, I can work at until I retire.

I want to see far more of the world. As someone with a comparatively international outlook I've seen relatively little.

I think I've done enough groundwork to achieve these goals, but I know there's a potential time limit.
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From my personal perspective travel has given me far more joy than home ownership ever did.
 
I don't necessarily worry about dying as such, so I don't worry about what happens when I'm dead. But I worry about how I'll die, whether it'll be painful, if I'll die alone, if I'll have any regrets etc.
 
big ron said:
From my personal perspective travel has given me far more joy than home ownership ever did.
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Absolutely this. Home ownership gives you a certain sense of achievement, and it's nice to to be paying someone else's mortgage. But travel gives you so much pleasure and experience.
 
Star said:
I worry about dying young and leaving my children without a mum.
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The thought of dying must be a totally different feeling to parents compared with non parents.

Like, I assume your main thought is your children, and what happens to them if you die.

Whereas mine is "will it be painful, will I have regrets etc".

I genuinely can't even imagine what how it must feel to worry more about your children than yourself or your partner. But then I am very selfish 😬
 
big ron said:
From my personal perspective travel has given me far more joy than home ownership ever did.
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It's just security. A lot of us here are closer to retirement than birth. I couldn't think of anything worse than paying rent when retired. I'm glad I pay into a private pension and am going into an industry with generous pension schemes.
 
Ag said:
It's just security. A lot of us here are closer to retirement than birth. I couldn't think of anything worse than paying rent when retired. I'm glad I pay into a private pension and am going into an industry with generous pension schemes.
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I have fuck all in my pension. lol.
 
Rachey said:
The thought of dying must be a totally different feeling to parents compared with non parents.

Like, I assume your main thought is your children, and what happens to them if you die.

Whereas mine is "will it be painful, will I have regrets etc".

I genuinely can't even imagine what how it must feel to worry more about your children than yourself or your partner. But then I am very selfish 😬
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Even as a parent I can only vaguely imagine the bond between mother/child. There is an intensity of growing a living being inside your body and then projecting it out into a world doing everything it can to kill that being. I’m in awe of it.
 
Again this is probably a bit of a COLD READ from a non-parental perspective, but surely the alternative to the fear of leaving your children behind is that you end up outliving them, which I imagine would be far, far worse?
 
VoR said:
Again this is probably a bit of a COLD READ from a non-parental perspective, but surely the alternative to the fear of leaving your children behind is that you end up outliving them, which I imagine would be far, far worse?
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Quite. Parents are supposed to die before their children, it's the natural inevitable order of things!
 
cwej said:
I WANT the world to be devastated. :D But realistically only my blood family would be - no-one has chosen to be that close to me to be devastated.

Cue a few cries of that's not true at all, but really I don't need to hear that, so please don't reply with anything like that. Just getting the depression out of my system through the medium of self-pity. :D
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I think about all the friends I've lost in recent years, fairly regularly. I think we underestimate our worths.

Plus imagine the Moopy reaction!
 
Ag said:
It's just security. A lot of us here are closer to retirement than birth. I couldn't think of anything worse than paying rent when retired. I'm glad I pay into a private pension and am going into an industry with generous pension schemes.
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Although fuck knows how much you'll have to pay into it now at your age for it to be worth a great deal when you do retire.

I'm so pleased I was in the civil service in my twenties, and that it was a generous one. I've got a nice little pension from that (and which pays out at 60) even though I left in my mid 30s and didn't earn that much.
 
I cancelled my pension. Probably not a sensible thing to do but I calculated it and by the time I'm 65, I'd have about £15k, which seemed pointless.

I figure I have my home and the shop for my pension. And none of my money goes on kids so it is all mine.
 
I never used to worry about it at all, rarely even thought about it, but since my "brush with death" at Easter I've realised that I may not actually be invincible although I'm now half-convinced that I'm immortal. Even though I didn't think about death much I thought about it enough to have written down which music I want at my cremation and obviously I've written a will. I have also, since April, made sure that Mr F knows how to log onto internet banking and which bills to pay and shown him how to do a Tesco delivery order.

After my dad died my mum added me as a joint account holder on her savings account so that when she goes I'll be able to pay for any funeral-related bills without having to wait for insurance to sort it. She doesn't have a will and just told me to share everything out that's left.
 
VoR said:
Again this is probably a bit of a COLD READ from a non-parental perspective, but surely the alternative to the fear of leaving your children behind is that you end up outliving them, which I imagine would be far, far worse?
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For me its more prematurely dying. I don't know at what age I'll be happy my work is done, but I'd at least like to not die in a spacehopper disaster before Ron Jr hits adulthood.
 
I don’t have children but I do imagine being old and sitting with grandkids (or great grandkids) and going through my memory boxes, telling them about my life and showing them my clips and cuttings…

I measure my life in the difference I’ve made and the experiences I’ve had, what goes in the memory box.

I’m not a particularly extravagant person but that’s what I collect, memories.
 
The thought of suddenly not existing anymore always causes me anxiety. It’s incomprehendible to me.
 
I do wonder if the preoccupation with your own demise is muted when there are others more important than yourself. I cannot imagine the terror of your children leaving before you.
 
I've long had a sense of my own mortality and the finale options are virtually endless.

That being said I never expected to live to a ripe old age, but now that's not as far away as it was during my years of youthful delusion. My life is generally becoming more fulfilling and I'm super keen to carry on and achieve as much as I can.
 
Of course all that with the backdrop of declining parents makes for a sharp contrast. I think I over compensate my lack of children by spending time with the youth as much as possible, be it my niece, my godsons (I literally go to their sports days and evening clubs) or my time at school. It feels like the right time to start making a difference and imparting my wisdom.
 
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