Moopyfestivalen 2023: FINAL - RESULTS

[Penelope]

You have until Sunday May 28th 4pm to vote by PM - GO GO GO

Tone Sekelius - Rhythm of My Show
Loulou Lamotte - Inga sorger
Wiktoria - All My Life (Where Have You Been)
Theoz - Mer av dig
Melanie Wehbe - For the Show
Marcus & Martinus - Air
Kiana - Where Did You Go
Loreen - Tattoo
Nordman - Släpp alla sorger
Laurell - Sober
Smash Into Pieces - Six Feet Under
Mariette - One Day

12
10
08
06
04
02
01
00

Tone Sekelius - Rhythm of My Show


Loulou Lamotte - Inga sorger


Wiktoria - All My Life (Where Have You Been)


Theoz - Mer av dig


Melanie Wehbe - For the Show


Marcus & Martinus - Air


Kiana - Where Did You Go


Loreen - Tattoo


Nordman - Släpp alla sorger


Laurell - Sober

 

[Penelope]

Smash Into Pieces - Six Feet Under


Mariette - One Day

 

[Kala]

Is this right? We’re voting for 7 songs out of 12?.

 

[Penelope]

Yep!

 

[ButterTart]

I have VOTED. I will never again accept anyone on Moopy criticising the quality of modern Melodifestivalen after wading through the CHAFF you deemed worthy of the final here.

 

[Penelope]

Personally, with the exception of four foot Mel (who I promise I will try to restrain myself for during the writeups), I think it's a very solid final.

 

[Penelope]

10 votes so far! MERA MERA MERA

 

[Penelope]

On 13! I can exclusively reveal that if you haven't voted yet, YOUR PERSONAL favourite song is in LAST PLACE right now and NEEDS YOU!

 

[Penelope]

GIRLS I have STILL ONLY HAD THIRTEEN VOTES. DON'T MAKE ME TAG PEOPLE!

 

[D5K]

Oh wow I nearly forgot this

 

[Penelope]

I'm EXTENDING THE VOTING (partly.cos I can't do results till this weekend anyway, but also cos there are definitely more votes to get)

You've got till SATURDAY EVENING AT 8 to vote and I WILL start tagging once I've got back to the spreadsheets and can check who has and hasn't voted yet, so if you haven't - GET ON WITH IT

 

[Penelope]

POSTPONED until AFTER EUROVISION (in line with last year's results)

(feel free to send any votes in the meantime if you haven't already)

 

[Haiku Rewrites]

Any news on voter numbers of the Final?

 

[Kala]

I voted a MONTH ago. My votes would probably have changed by now.

 

[Penelope]

It's called TRADITION you HARPIES

 

[Velvet Skies]

So will Lorraine's win in Moopyvision be invalidated when she inevitably looses this one to Laurell - "Sober" ?

 

[Kratz]

So will Lorraine's win in Moopyvision be invalidated when she inevitably looses this one to Laurell - "Sober" ?

Luckily we’ll never know!

 

[Soldi]

Should we re-run Moopyvision if there’s a different winner?

 

[Haiku Rewrites]

Any updates on this?

 

[Penelope]

My replacement keyboard arrived yesterday so the results for this will FINALLY occur this weekend (with Moopyvision Decade 00s finally resuming properly AFTER THAT)

 

[Penelope]

Luckily we’ll never know!

HOW DARE YOU

 

[Penelope]

After YEARS OF DELAY, this is finally happening THIS EVENING

Return here at 6.30!

 

[Soldi]

 

[Penelope]

I am sorry, I was incapacitated due to the substance 'drugs' (NO CARE REACTS PLEASE)

 

[Penelope]

Any predictions ahead of the BIG SHOW? (No other than first)

 

[Penelope]

Right, who wants some RESULTS? (I swear to god if you bitches don't post after all this time I will go postal - yes ESPECIALLY YOU)

 

[Suomi]

Any predictions ahead of the BIG SHOW? (No other than first)

Kiana top 3, Laurell top 2, Loreen top 1

 

[Penelope]

12th: Nordman - Släpp alla sorger (13pts)

Rhythm of breast-oriented dance routine: 'mechanical - like a Fembot slaughtering its prey'

And we commence with a limited triumph, as two potatoes and a kvinnaböske make it to the Moopyfest final only to bow out LAST. Bad luck boys - probably should have brought a dance routine with you if you wanted to make it to the heady heights of 30 points!

But in seriousness, this is a very very 'arsh haul. These two erstwhile Carola-slaying veterans of yore had great things expected of them in the leadup to this year's contest, with the preselection jury allegedly fingering this for the win going in (Tattoo of course being invited in rather than going through the submission juries) - and one could have even been seduced into believing the siren voices of success from that atmospheric performance intro kicking off the gig. Alas, the rest of the perf went on to give us absolutely nothing - despite a legitimately rousing final minute - and I'll be maintaining a conspiracy theory that they got scared off by the hype and purposefully did nothing to try to throw any potential win for the rest of my days.

2 x 4: @Penelope, @rhythmbandit
5 x 1: @ButterTart, @Tetris-Rock, @Music, @Soldi, @ZenGiraffe

 

[Kratz]

I predict a landslide for JANET LEON

That was this year, right Pen?

 

[Penelope]

11th: Melanie Wehbe - For The Show (24pts)

Rhythm of breast-oriented dance routine: 'sultry, like waves hitting a beach'

My personal Kryptonite of this season (that is NOT A CHORUS! I KNOW WHAT SOME OF YOU WHO GAVE THIS POINTS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT MARIETTE - FOR YOU!!), four foot Mel V nonetheless vaults Nordman to secure the understudy role for Moopyfestivalen's wooden spoon.

In the words at the time of Moopy's Melfest laureate @VoR, this is almost certainly about the warm and embracing - yet perhaps lightly emotionally aloof, if the lyrics are anything to go by - touch of Mariette's tender pussoir, as Mel's longtime LTR and recent ex. And in the heat three battle of the songwriters - our Mel having previously penned such Melfest (OMG) hits as The Mamas - Move - the show of pure professionalism probably counted for a lot, sending this vaulting through to a limp but nonetheless respectable andra chansen exit over Laurell Barker. However, here she goes crashing out to a more ignominious exit, despite making it through direkt along the way. Ta-rah!

2 x 6: @Kala, @win_the_game
1 x 4: @Jacques
3 x 2: @babun, @Pingu, @auretz
2 x 1: @D5K, @Haiku Rewrites

 

[Kratz]

DREADFUL!

 

[Suomi]

The verses of For The Show are some of my favourite bits of music from this year’s contest, but the chorus doesn’t quite get there. Still, it’s very PLEASANT

 

[Penelope]

10th: Tone Sekelius - Rhythm of My Show (31pts)

Rhythm of breast-oriented dance routine: 'performative tango'

Big things were expected of our Tone after becoming the breakout artist of Melfest 2022, winning over a nation with a winsome stage presence, a bubbly persona and a throaty cackle you could frankly knock back cocktails with for nights on end. And how did the cashing in of that hallowed chip go in 2023? Well, one emoji probably covers it...



If there's one thing I'm coming to realise of our personable dame after this year's outing, it's that - much like John Lundvik, whose knockback by Christer after attempting to enter Bigger Than Us as his breakout artist chip cash-in for 2019 is the stuff of legend - she probably has curiously low standards

While My Way obviously won us all over, it was distinctly more towards the spit-n-sawdust end of the Melfest songwriting spectrum. And for her second outing - for which, in interview, Tone declared herself without doubt and entirely earnestly as 'in it to win it' - Tone cashed her chip in for something again more reeking of Wrethov and Jimmy Joker's bargain offcuts bin selection than, say, the Little Tot-style triumphant comebacks of years gone past, with little more than a 'I've got a dance routine this time!' gimmick (and having new breasts installed to make her body feel like a mango) to sweeten the pot. Even a near-note-for-note SloMo ripoff would've probably done the business more this time hun!

1 x 10: @Velvet Skies
1 x 8: @rhythmbandit
3 x 4: @D5K, @Kala, @auretz
1 x 1: @Christian

 

[Penelope]

POST YOU FUCKS

 

[Soldi]

11th: Melanie Wehbe - For The Show (24pts)

Rhythm of breast-oriented dance routine: 'sultry, like waves hitting a beach'

My personal Kryptonite of this season (that is NOT A CHORUS! I KNOW WHAT SOME OF YOU WHO GAVE THIS POINTS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT MARIETTE - FOR YOU!!), four foot Mel V nonetheless vaults Nordman to secure the understudy role for Moopyfestivalen's wooden spoon.

In the words at the time of Moopy's Melfest laureate @VoR, this is almost certainly about the warm and embracing - yet perhaps lightly emotionally aloof, if the lyrics are anything to go by - touch of Mariette's tender pussoir, as Mel's longtime LTR and recent ex. And in the heat three battle of the songwriters - our Mel having previously penned such Melfest (OMG) hits as The Mamas - Move - the show of pure professionalism probably counted for a lot, sending this vaulting through to a limp but nonetheless respectable andra chansen exit over Laurell Barker. However, here she goes crashing out to a more ignominious exit, despite making it through direkt along the way. Ta-rah!

2 x 6: @Kala, @win_the_game
1 x 4: @Jacques
3 x 2: @babun, @Pingu, @auretz
2 x 1: @D5K, @Haiku Rewrites

This made the FINAL?!

 

[Penelope]

9th: Laureen - Sober (47pts)

Rhythm of breast-oriented dance routine: 'epileptic’

Ace Wilder. Bananas. Statements. Addis Black Widow. Hak. Etzia. The concept of Monge. D.G.T. (Off and On). Dotter - Cry. Suomi. Taking a lot of Class As and not delivering Moopyfestivalen 2022 results for two months. Taking a lot of Class As and not delivering Moopyfestivalen 2023 results for four months. Not even all of these things had happened before this, and yet they were all a preparation for the spectacle of a 44 year old Canadian teenager twisting up the rollies, wearing her best ‘how do you do fellow kids?’ beanie hat, and taking to the stage with the most ragged creatures seen this side of a Moldovan Eurovision entry to do a song about how loving you feels like being on drugs even when you’re sober. I presume it’s a compliment.

1 x 12: @ZenGiraffe
1 x 10: @Haiku Rewrites
1 x 8: @Suomi
2 x 6: @Velvet Skies, @Jacques
1 x 4: @win_the_game
1 x 1: @Kala

 

[ZenGiraffe]

9th: Laureen - Sober (47pts)

Rhythm of breast-oriented dance routine: 'epileptic’

Ace Wilder. Bananas. Statements. Addis Black Widow. Hak. Etzia. The concept of Monge. D.G.T. (Off and On). Dotter - Cry. Suomi. Taking a lot of Class As and not delivering Moopyfestivalen 2022 results for two months. Taking a lot of Class As and not delivering Moopyfestivalen 2023 results for four months. Not even all of these things had happened before this, and yet they were all a preparation for the spectacle of a 44 year old Canadian teenager twisting up the rollies, wearing her best ‘how do you do fellow kids?’ beanie hat, and taking to the stage with the most ragged creatures seen this side of a Moldovan Eurovision entry to do a song about how loving you feels like being on drugs even when you’re sober. I presume it’s a compliment.

1 x 12: @ZenGiraffe
1 x 10: @Haiku Rewrites
1 x 8: @Suomi
2 x 6: @Velvet Skies, @Jacques
1 x 4: @win_the_game
1 x 1: @Kala

Can't believe I am the only one to vote correctly here

 

[Penelope]

Can't believe I am the only one to vote correctly here

Oh YES YOU CAN!

 

[Haiku Rewrites]

Poor Laurell, back to the kids section of the charity shop for her

 

[Penelope]

8th: LouLou Lamotte - Inga sorger (64pts)

Rhythm of breast-oriented dance routine: ‘serene, graceful - as if bedecked with great gowns, beautiful gowns’

This was the greatest pop song I heard this year until Kim Petras - King of Hearts, but between you and me, it’s elevated even further if you just imagine Jasmine Masters and the other Mama (think it’s the prediabetic one who has to glue extra trainers onto her trainers for height) clinking glasses in a hot tub while watching this the second she starts careening into out of tune wailing in the performance



2 x 12: @Christian, @Kratz
1 x 10: @FetchFugly
1 x 8: @VoR
2 x 6: @ButterTart, @babun
1 x 4: @Haiku Rewrites
2 x 2: @Music, @Tisch
2 x 1: @Pingu, @Ill Advised