Poland 2022: Ochman - River (+ EVIL NON-TWINS & Lidia Kopania KATASTROFIE)

[Haiku Rewrites]

To be fair to poor Suomi, they've probably burnt bridges with half their artists this National Final year and/or put a hit on them unless they sing their songs AS THEY INTENDED next year.

 

[Alias #23]

The THUMBS ALOFT SHAME

 

[Suomi]

 

[Alias #23]

View attachment 8911

Poor bewildered love had NO IDEA what he was getting himself into

 

[VoR]

I still can't quite believe that this actually happened

 

[Apoca]

You should have sung Glitter and Gold to them when they badmouthed POOR BRAVE LIDIA!

 

[Apoca]

Next: @Suomi meets THE KETTERING TWINK

 

[Alias #23]

I’d imagine that most of the artistes lucky enough to have worked with the twins end up in some sort of institution for the rest of their lives. Please everyone, pray for Polish national treasure Lidia. We’ve all heard the shocking reports of “some Moldovan peasant” being kicked to the floor and having their hair torn out after failing to win the cup d’or du chanson europhonique in their national final

 

[Apoca]

I still can't quite believe that this actually happened

Why do I get this stunning feeling of “deja vu” every year in March.

 

[Suomi]

Oh for gods sake girls, pull up a chair because there are no winners in this story.


So VoR pointed out who this pair were and I ran over with an attempt to fangirl
View attachment 8906

However, very quickly I realised that my tertiary viewing of this thread did not provide me with enough information to survive an entire conversation. I suggested with outrage that they did not win in Latvia, met with bewilderment
View attachment 8907
Thankfully, I managed to get out of the situation by one of them declaring “WE WROTE TEN SONGS THIS YEAR WE CANT REMEMBER WHICH ONE”

I then pulled local queen @VoR over to confirm that they’d been screwed over by Lidia from Poland, to be met with PTSD horror and a very forced photo and things about Lidia that I can never repeat.
View attachment 8909

How do I feel now after the encounter?
I feel like I should think twice before running my mouth and just approaching famous people before thinking. I have learnt quite a lot really.

I think having had a few splashes of alcohol I wasn’t able to convey the true horror of this exchange, which was essentially:

me: omg you are my favourite songwriters of all time!
them: oh wow thank you, which of our songs is your favourite?
me: umm …
them: ….
me: well I really like the one you sent to Latvia
them: we didn’t send one to Latvia.
me: okay what about Romania
them: no…
me: okay hang on one sec, @VoR , what was the name of that song or the country where these two had all that drama this year??

[VoR stares open-mouthed in the distance]

VoR: (trembling vocal) Poland?

me: oh that’s it! Yeah Poland, yeah I really loved that song it was so good. But she ruined it didn’t she. Why do you think she did that?
them: we don’t know
me: please may I have a photo

I keep laughing and also dying at the flashbacks to this, I really am so stupid sometimes

 

[Apoca]

Such a shame you didn't break into a SPONTANEOUS performance of Dance in (Twin)Flames!

 

[VoR]

Last night was truly spectacular and a reminder why being besties with @Suomi is such a wild ride.

In addition to the above I need to break it all down...

The gig was a Melfest pre-party, the lineup being:

Anna Sahlene
Malik from Germany
Vladana from Montenegro
Aiden who came second in the Maltese national selection (?!)
Nanne Grönvall
Dotter

We arrived early for the meet and greet so that Su could finally get his moment with his idol Sahlene. The poor lamb was so nervous he almost bottled it, but then when he got to the front he found his courage and @HerSereneHighnessAnniFrid and I just had to stand back and let it happen. My favourite moment was hearing him say this to her, completely earnestly:

Su: 'Y'know, one of my strongest Mello-memories is that in 2003 you were only 15 votes away from qualifying for Andra Chansen"
Her: I KNOW!

It was hysterical and very sweet.

The performances:

Aidan
Sang his Malta bid and another of his big Maltese hits. He seemed nice and happy to be there.

Malik
Sang his dreadful entry and then totally misread the room by trying to get us to sing along to some heterosexual nonsense while playing acoustic guitar

Vladana
OMG THIS POOR WOMAN She had clearly not been briefed about this event correctly at all. She came on and said completely deadpan: "Tonight I will sing only one song for you. I'm sorry it's not a party song."

She then proceeded to sing her dead mum ballad, which in fairness was very nice and well received.

Anna Sahlene
I.con.ic. I was already warmed to her after she was so lovely and genuine in the meet and greet, but she pretty much willed herself into a headline slot despite being quite early on the bill. She sang SIX songs, and went full Julia Roberts Oscar acceptance speech when the drag queen doyenne tried to get her off after number 5.

Setlist:

This Woman
Killing Me Tenderly
Sound of Silence (Australia 2012)
Champion
Runaway
Mata Hari (Azerbaijan 2021)

Nanne

Great fun as always, but I am 100% convinced she left the engine running while she ran in to claim a quick buck. She skipped the meet & greet, did most of her hits in a medley and literally could not get offstage fast enough when her set was over.

Setlist:

Det Vackraste
Evig Kärlek
Jag Måste Kyssa Dig
Carpool Karaoke
Avundsjuk
Håll Om Mig

Dotter

Very good but TBH by this point I was so hammered + traumatised from Ylva and Linda that I had lost all critical functions.

Setlist:

Little Tot
Backfire
Jealous
Bon Voyage
Bulletproof

In addition to Su and HerSereneHighness, it was very nice to dance the night away with @Madison @David 5000 and @Tetris-Rock

 

[Alias #23]

I think having had a few splashes of alcohol I wasn’t able to convey the true horror of this exchange, which was essentially:

me: omg you are my favourite songwriters of all time!
them: oh wow thank you, which of our songs is your favourite?
me: umm …
them: ….
me: well I really like the one you sent to Latvia
them: we didn’t send one to Latvia.
me: okay what about Romania
them: no…
me: okay hang on one sec, @VoR , what was the name of that song or the country where these two had all that drama this year??

[VoR stares open-mouthed in the distance]

VoR: (trembling vocal) Poland?

me: oh that’s it! Yeah Poland, yeah I really loved that song it was so good. But she ruined it didn’t she. Why do you think she did that?
them: we don’t know
me: please may I have a photo

I keep laughing and also dying at the flashbacks to this, I really am so stupid sometimes

Oh @Suomi they must have been THRILLED!

 

[Samanta TinAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA]

DEAD at an impromptu TWINS meets and greet

How were they to be approached? Were they SHOCKED to be recognised, or did they just brush it off as if it happens ALL THE TIME?

 

[VoR]

One of my favourite details is that of all their terrible, terrible songs, poor Suomi pretended that Lidia's atonal disaster was his VERY FAVOURITE

 

[Samanta TinAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA]

The perverse twist in that had poor distraught Lidia not given us her seminal reading of whatever her song was called, most of us on this forum still wouldn't have a clue who the twins are

 

[Alias #23]

One of my favourite details is that of all their terrible, terrible songs, poor Suomi pretended that Lidia's atonal disaster was his VERY FAVOURITE

“My favourite was the one which the singer ruined on purpose because she hates you,” chirped an overwhelmed @Suomi

 

[Alias #23]

The perverse twist in that had poor distraught Lidia not given us her seminal reading of whatever her song was called, most of us on this forum still wouldn't have a clue who the twins are

This is very true actually. Much like the rest of the world, I’d never even heard of them

 

[Alias #23]

Did @Suomi actually address them? “Yvonne! Hi! Love your work! Lidia! () Looking super!”

 

[Samanta TinAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA]

Did you manage to work out which was the DOMINANT TWIN and who was the submissive doormat?

"Twins, your beautiful songs truly taught me that LOVE makes me BEAUTIFUL"

 

[Alias #23]

Did you manage to work out which was the DOMINANT TWIN and who was the submissive doormat?

"Twins, your beautiful songs truly taught me that LOVE makes me BEAUTIFUL"

“Honestly Yvette your songs really are the most amazing REMEDY”

 

[Alias #23]

I do think that @Suomi launching into song to their faces would have been an extra treat but we mustn’t be greedy and there’s always NEXT YEAR

 

[Alias #23]

I mean just start trilling any old thing and it’s bound to sound like at least one if not most of their crudtastic oeuvre

 

[Alias #23]

I do think that @Suomi launching into song to their faces would have been an extra treat but we mustn’t be greedy and there’s always NEXT YEAR

With ROUTINE. Pencil it in please

 

[Lucille]

Suomi drunkenly harassing the TWINS is potentially my favourite Moopy moment ever.

 

[Lucille]

I was starting to believe they didn’t exist and were just a bizarre Moopy projection.

 

[Lucille]

Were they in their trademark EXCITING FASHIONS?!?

 

[Alias #23]

Of course the twins are now posting on social media that they were accosted last night by someone with a beard and now feel “very frightened”

 

[Apoca]

 

[COB]

I was starting to believe they didn’t exist and were just a bizarre Moopy projection.

I'm still not convinced this isn't true

 

[Haiku Rewrites]

Are we sure one's not an android and we haven't got a STEPFORD WIVES REPLACE situation with poor Linda because she got the colors of one of THEIR MATCHING ENSEMBLES EXTRAVAGANZAS different?

 

[Alla]

I need them to sign up here and vote in their own survivors.

 

[D5K]

I need them to sign up here and vote in their own survivors.

We should have got Moopy business cards printed up to hand out. You just know Anna Sahlene would have been here like a shot (and then agog at the schlager boiler survivor).

 

[Lucille]

I’m terrified they’re going to show up one day.

 

[sewerynsven]

You still don't believe in Ochman... I am Polish ..and I loved only 1994,1995,1996 and 1997 entries. 2003 Ich Troje and Szpak's entry were also ok. But make my words. !00 % chances for Ochman for top 10., 99 % of Top 5, 90% chances of Top 3...and 80% of the Top 1. U will see in May. Jury will love him....and he will easily will in top 3 for public voting....

 

[Soldi]

I don’t think I’ve seen anyone say that this won’t be top ten.

 

[Kratz]

You still don't believe in Ochman... I am Polish ..and I loved only 1994,1995,1996 and 1997 entries. 2003 Ich Troje and Szpak's entry were also ok. But make my words. !00 % chances for Ochman for top 10., 99 % of Top 5, 90% chances of Top 3...and 80% of the Top 1. U will see in May. Jury will love him....and he will easily will in top 3 for public voting....

80% chance of victory?! Did you previously do promo for Tina Barrett?

 

[Lucille]

I find the song a little disjointed, for a song called River it doesn’t really FLOW.

 

[Alla]

99 % of Top 5, 90% chances of Top 3...and 80% of the Top 1

 

[Haiku Rewrites]

Lidia would've had a 99% of Top 5