https://www.vox.com/2020/6/2/21278123/being-an-ally-racism-george-floyd-protests-white-people
Ben O’Keefe, former senior aide to Sen. Elizabeth Warren
One thing that’s really important here is that we define what we’re talking about when we discuss being an ally, because it’s a term that many supposedly woke white folks wear now like this badge of honor, but the term doesn’t really hold its weight always. We need people to be co-conspirators, and when I say that, I say that because allyship has become this emotional performance — well-intended as it may be, it’s still sort of a pontification of their allyship and their emotions and their sadness. It’s become performative.
Allyship is language, and being a co-conspirator is about doing the work. It’s taking on the issue of racism and oppression as your own issue, even though you’ll never truly understand the damage that it does.
There are a few important things to think about as we’re having that conversation. Don’t put your burden of your sadness or your fear onto your black friends or onto black leaders that you follow, because the truth is it’s not the job of black people to educate you or to make you comfortable. Antiracism isn’t comfortable, just like racism isn’t comfortable for black people and people of color.
Listen more than you speak. Do your research. Ignorance by very definition is a lack of knowledge, so the only way to break down ignorance and your ignorance and the ignorance of others is through education. It’s really important to learn the history of the struggle you’re putting yourself into, to learn about the systems of oppression that exist and how you’re complicit in them, and then, again, remember that it’s not our job to educate you. It’s not hard to educate yourself. You can literally google it.
Around the protests, how you show up is incredibly important. When white people show up to protests for the Movement for Black Lives, they are our guests. They are new for this. This might be exciting to them now, but this has been something that we have been living for generations and fighting for generations. So, you are showing up, and we’re happy to have you, you are our guests.
A white person’s job at a protest isn’t to spray paint “Black Lives Matter” on a building. It’s not to destroy stuff. It’s not to loot stores. Their job is not to mess with the cops and throw stuff. Their job at that protest, what they are there to do, is to do everything they can in their power to put their bodies between the bodies of black people and police. They should know if they’re there that they have the privilege of at least knowing that there will be more action taken if they die than if a black person does. Because not only is it disrespectful to disrupt our protests, but it actually is also doing direct harm to the black lives that these folks are supposed to be there to try to protect.
When you turn on cable news right now, what you hear is that black folks are burning buildings down and looting stores, all these terrible things. And we’re hearing the president say, if they loot, we shoot. And if you turn on Twitter for different stories, there’s an entirely different reality in which countless times it’s white people who are doing this provocation, who are escalating this, and it’s not them who are suffering the consequences, both physically there in person and with tear gas and pepper spray thrown in our faces, but also they’re not doing service to the narrative that we’re trying to build. They’re continuing to give fodder that will be used and is currently being used against black people.
If you show up to a protest, you’re there to be an ally, you can say. You are there to listen and to learn and to follow the leadership of the black folks, to follow the leadership of the marginalized.
If you could only see my DMs right now, they’re flooded with well-intended wishes of, “How are you doing?” But let me be clear, asking a black person how they’re doing right now is bullshit, because you know how they’re doing. We’re doing terrible. We’re struggling. If you’re struggling, we’re struggling more. And the performance of reaching out to show that you’re there doesn’t matter if the intention is the gratification that comes from it.
You can reach out and say, “Hey, I can’t imagine what you’re going through, I’m here if you need it.” Because instead what often we get is this emotional outreach of, “I’m so sad, I’ve been crying all day, I’m really struggling.” And it becomes this really selfish thing where it’s like, wow, if you, a white person, are sad and scared, ask how a black person feels. They’re going out knowing that they could die as they protest the death of another, and we’ve just seen that again, another black death, [David McAtee, a restaurant owner who was
shot and killed in Louisville, Kentucky, on Sunday].
It’s very crucial that people respect the black folks around them and not look to the black folks in your life for condolence, for support. You’re not impressing us by doing the bare minimum. This is the way it should be. It’s not impressive that you care. You can check in and that’s fine, but there’s a way to do it, but it’s to acknowledge that you’re there and take the lead of that person on how they want to reach out to you.
One thing that I’ll add as we’re talking about allyship is that part of being an ally is taking a deep breath and getting past the shame and the guilt that you’re carrying, because white people who are alive today did not create racism. They didn’t choose to live in a white supremacist country, and they didn’t choose to exist in the world that we do today. But what they can do is choose to admit that they benefit from racism and acknowledge that they have the power to change the conditions, and that’s crucial, because this isn’t a blame game.
When we have frank conversations about black lives and the role that every white person plays in systemic oppression, it’s not an insult, it’s not an attack, it’s a reality. And so we can ignore reality or we can face reality, because only when we face that — only when we give ourselves permission to forgive ourselves, to look forward from this day forward for permission to become better partners and co-conspirators in the movement, permission to educate yourself, permission to grow — that is being a good ally. We don’t need you to carry the burden of your privilege. We need you acknowledge it and to use your privilege, promote good, and to fight oppression. And I feel like we’re dealing with this space in which so many people are just finally starting to realize something that so many of us have known for so long. I appreciate that, and I understand the pain and fear because I’ve been living it every day of my life. But we don’t have time for you to reconcile with your emotion.
This is time for you to forgive yourself, to acknowledge your complicity and to do something about it, to move on and to make good.