Soldi
Πάμε put your hands up
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This write-up is dedicated to the memory of @Suomi's Dungeons & Dragons avatar, who I'm told hurled himself dramatically into a ravine mid-quest when ill news arrived about the fate of a revered wench back in his native land.
Fortunately, this weekend's crop features fewer beloved family members for the Swedes to disembowel before our very eyes, so let's just enjoy the breather and gird our loins for heat 3, shall we?
Decide they very much did, and in one of the last unambiguously satisfying results of a Melodifestivalen final (unless you were team Ace/Alcazar/Helena - GOD WHAT A YEAR), our 6ft 7 Goddess romped to victory, while poor Anton landed a humiliating JUMBO PLATS with the voters.
If you ever want to watch a man shit himself and die on camera, I highly recommend the deliciously cruel first 10 seconds of this video. It truly never gets old.
Since then, his career in ruins, Anton fled to L.A. for half a decade to pursue a career as a 'model and choreographer' - which almost certainly means there's an Onlyfans account somewhere or other.
Until now, when like the answer to a question literally nobody asked, he's BACK and promising a big stage show for this apparent The Weeknd inspired party tune.
Having not released any new music since 2017, it's questionable how much the audience will still care, but he is still on the right side of 30 and in possession of a cock, so I suppose we can't totally rule this out.
Away from Melfest, her music could sort of be described as emo-lesbian-hiphop, always a sure thing to win over Ingrid and Sven from Västerbotten. Her song has been compared to Royals by Lorde, but less 'Oh that's a really fresh and exciting new pop track, much like Royals by Lorde was!' and more 'Oh for God's sake, that just sounds like a cheap knock-off of Royals by Lorde!'
The anticipation is almost unbearable, isn't it?
As a gay of a certain age (34), I'm obviously all in on an unabashed slice of 90s nostalgia set to music, so on concept alone this one has my attention. That said, both WAHL and SAMI are members of popular hiphop acts, so I'm not entirely sure I'm going to get the mashup of Spice Girls and Honey to the Bee-era Billie Piper that continues to define MY view of the decade.
Reviews suggest it's actually more of an 80s synth-pop throwback, which reeks of false advertising, but still doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world. They look a bit too serious (and at insufficiently high risk of imminently contracting type two diabetes) in their promo image to bring Anis Don Demina levels of spectacle, but I expect this to be enjoyable in an Andra Chansen sort of way.
Still, this was penned by our resurgent Mekon queen Anna Bergendahl, who knows her way around a catchy hook these days. Frida cut her teeth on Sweden's Got Talent, where she showcased some impressive vocal chops which this song apparently showcases very well. Could be a dark horse in this semi.
Oh, who am I kidding? Just hook it to my veins!
6 Patrik Jean - Tears Run Dry
(Herman Gardarfve, Patrik Jean, Melanie Wehbe)
Paging @Penelope! I think we've found our first comedy gay of the season!
Patrik Jean is probably no relation to Wyclef, but based on the amount of touché éclat he's trawled on for the above promo image, a shared lineage cannot be 100% ruled out at this stage. He's quite popular on the streams, with a sound that seems to hew towards vaguely gospel-inspired pop.
His entry has been compared to John Lundvik's winner from a couple of years ago, and he produced the very good Mamas single Let It Be, so you can definitely get a sense of the sort of thing we're likely to get here.
Ultimately, those loveable Mamas pipped her to the post, but she still got a massive career boost out of it, and so now we have the inevitable primed-for-victory comeback.
Already an eyebrow-raiser on account of that title, Little Tot is apparently edgy, dynamic and a grower that has garnered comparisons to Loreen's Statements - which, as we all remember was a massive success that effortlessly saw Loreen win Melfest, Eurovision and ultimately the Nobel Peace Prize.
Suffice to say, there's a heavy weight of expectation here, and a lot that could potentially go wrong. For the younger viewers, that nervous excitement you're feeling is what fuelled us through no fewer than seventeen Linda Bengtzing entries. Until the moment Anton Ewald sees her off in a horrifying Globen or Bust moment, suggest we all embrace the welcome dose of chaotic energy.
Fortunately, this weekend's crop features fewer beloved family members for the Swedes to disembowel before our very eyes, so let's just enjoy the breather and gird our loins for heat 3, shall we?
1. Anton Ewald - New Religion
(Jonas Wallin, Joe Killington, Anton Ewald, Maja Strömstedt)
"Sweden needs to decide - do they want to send a pop star to Eurovision, or do they want to send Sanna Nielsen?" (Anton Ewald, 2014)(Jonas Wallin, Joe Killington, Anton Ewald, Maja Strömstedt)
Decide they very much did, and in one of the last unambiguously satisfying results of a Melodifestivalen final (unless you were team Ace/Alcazar/Helena - GOD WHAT A YEAR), our 6ft 7 Goddess romped to victory, while poor Anton landed a humiliating JUMBO PLATS with the voters.
If you ever want to watch a man shit himself and die on camera, I highly recommend the deliciously cruel first 10 seconds of this video. It truly never gets old.
Since then, his career in ruins, Anton fled to L.A. for half a decade to pursue a career as a 'model and choreographer' - which almost certainly means there's an Onlyfans account somewhere or other.
Until now, when like the answer to a question literally nobody asked, he's BACK and promising a big stage show for this apparent The Weeknd inspired party tune.
Having not released any new music since 2017, it's questionable how much the audience will still care, but he is still on the right side of 30 and in possession of a cock, so I suppose we can't totally rule this out.
2. Julia Alfrida - Rich
(Julia Alfrida, Jimmy Jansson, Melanie Wehbe)
The winner of last year's Svensktoppen Nästa - basically Moopyvision Karaoke with less enticing commercial prospects - Julia Alfrida now gets to claim her life dream of being shoved out second in a Melodifestivalen heat.(Julia Alfrida, Jimmy Jansson, Melanie Wehbe)
Away from Melfest, her music could sort of be described as emo-lesbian-hiphop, always a sure thing to win over Ingrid and Sven from Västerbotten. Her song has been compared to Royals by Lorde, but less 'Oh that's a really fresh and exciting new pop track, much like Royals by Lorde was!' and more 'Oh for God's sake, that just sounds like a cheap knock-off of Royals by Lorde!'
The anticipation is almost unbearable, isn't it?
3. WAHL feat. SAMI - 90-talet
(Sami Rekik, Christopher Vahlberg, Josefin Glenmark, Jesper Welander, Andreas Larsson)
(Sami Rekik, Christopher Vahlberg, Josefin Glenmark, Jesper Welander, Andreas Larsson)
As a gay of a certain age (34), I'm obviously all in on an unabashed slice of 90s nostalgia set to music, so on concept alone this one has my attention. That said, both WAHL and SAMI are members of popular hiphop acts, so I'm not entirely sure I'm going to get the mashup of Spice Girls and Honey to the Bee-era Billie Piper that continues to define MY view of the decade.
Reviews suggest it's actually more of an 80s synth-pop throwback, which reeks of false advertising, but still doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world. They look a bit too serious (and at insufficiently high risk of imminently contracting type two diabetes) in their promo image to bring Anis Don Demina levels of spectacle, but I expect this to be enjoyable in an Andra Chansen sort of way.
4. Frida Green - The Silence
(Anna Bergendahl, Bobby Ljunggren, David Lindgren Zacharias, Joy Deb)
With the name of a weed-loving drag queen and the undercut of a provincial northern lesbian, Frida Green couldn't be giving off stronger '5th-billed at a Pride Festival' if she was competing with a tinny cover of a Laura Branigan song.(Anna Bergendahl, Bobby Ljunggren, David Lindgren Zacharias, Joy Deb)
Still, this was penned by our resurgent Mekon queen Anna Bergendahl, who knows her way around a catchy hook these days. Frida cut her teeth on Sweden's Got Talent, where she showcased some impressive vocal chops which this song apparently showcases very well. Could be a dark horse in this semi.
5 Eva Rydberg & Ewa Roos - Rena rama ding dong
(Göran Sparrdahl, Kalle Rydberg, Ari Lehtonen)
I mean honestly, it's just pandering at this point, isn't it? They send Jessica Andersson sincerely attempting to stay current(ish) on a one-way trip to the knackers yard, then wheel out a pair of leathery old panto dames and expect us to be grateful. This'll probably go straight to the final too, the fucking condescending bastards.(Göran Sparrdahl, Kalle Rydberg, Ari Lehtonen)
Oh, who am I kidding? Just hook it to my veins!
6 Patrik Jean - Tears Run Dry
(Herman Gardarfve, Patrik Jean, Melanie Wehbe)
Paging @Penelope! I think we've found our first comedy gay of the season!
Patrik Jean is probably no relation to Wyclef, but based on the amount of touché éclat he's trawled on for the above promo image, a shared lineage cannot be 100% ruled out at this stage. He's quite popular on the streams, with a sound that seems to hew towards vaguely gospel-inspired pop.
His entry has been compared to John Lundvik's winner from a couple of years ago, and he produced the very good Mamas single Let It Be, so you can definitely get a sense of the sort of thing we're likely to get here.
7 Dotter - Little Tot
(Johanna ‘Dotter’ Jansson, Dino Medanhodzic)
In the grand tradition of the Melfest of yore, flame-haired maven Dotter yelper her way to tantalisingly-near Melfest victory in 2019 with a belting pop hook, a clever visual gimmick and a vocal that teetered compellingly on the edge of total disaster at all times. (Johanna ‘Dotter’ Jansson, Dino Medanhodzic)
Ultimately, those loveable Mamas pipped her to the post, but she still got a massive career boost out of it, and so now we have the inevitable primed-for-victory comeback.
Already an eyebrow-raiser on account of that title, Little Tot is apparently edgy, dynamic and a grower that has garnered comparisons to Loreen's Statements - which, as we all remember was a massive success that effortlessly saw Loreen win Melfest, Eurovision and ultimately the Nobel Peace Prize.
Suffice to say, there's a heavy weight of expectation here, and a lot that could potentially go wrong. For the younger viewers, that nervous excitement you're feeling is what fuelled us through no fewer than seventeen Linda Bengtzing entries. Until the moment Anton Ewald sees her off in a horrifying Globen or Bust moment, suggest we all embrace the welcome dose of chaotic energy.
Snippets: Thursday
Clips: Saturday 6th February
Clips: Saturday 6th February
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